Mark Turbo - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I used to write about videogames in exchange for money. Now I write quiz games for the telly box in exchange for more money. Like a normal man but much taller and better looking. No, really. Basically I'm massively arrogant and irritating but in a good way. Have never killed a man. Great hair.

My Interests

Porn, karaoke and drugs. I like being with people, I like making people laugh and I'm not afraid of using violence or blackmail to make that happen. Once I told a girl a story about going tobagganing by accident and she took her top off. Also I like cooking. I really like it. Please note this is not my way of saying I'm fat. This means you're doing the cleaning.

I'd like to meet:

I don't know really. People who think I'm ace. People like me then. Oh and I would like to do some activities like sitting on chairs, laying down and smoking. I also require help planning my crimes and someone to drive the van.

Music:

Stuff you don't like and stuff you do. Music's important to me. Jazz and Drum & Bass and dirty 70's funk mostly. Also Bootlegs. RIGHT NOW, I like Jim Noir and Lilly Allen.Really, anything that makes me dance like this...or this...or this. Also things that sample 60's radio show theme tunes but wiv like bass an beats, cuz. I write tunes, not as much as I once did but I like to keep my hand in. Music is good.

Movies:

I'm not into movies. Happiness is good though. I really don't like films very much though. Even stuff I really like (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was ace) I really don't want to watch more than once. Although I do sometimes like to watch some of those Japanese anime things for kids that make you glow inside like Ready Brek and brandy. I should probably try watching My Neighbour Totoro while eating Ready Brek and drinking brandy.

Books:

Used to be Catch 22, is now The Time Traveler's Wife which made me cry so much, it was great. Great big heartfelt sobs. I don't read as many books as I should these days. Shocking really, I am a writer after all.

My Blog

Such a funny thing for me to try and explain

I went to the park today with my friend Barry. It's a good park, the kind of park that can get a man out of a fugue when a fugue descends. It has gravestones and children and you can sit between them ...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 08:28:00 PST

Fucking musing about hobbies

I have many hobbies. I like to make things and play basketball and sing and drink and hit my friends unexpectedly.But my favourite hobby at the moment is wondering what my wife is doing. I don't have ...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 26 Jun 2006 11:08:00 PST

Take stuff from the shop, leave like it's mine

So I started making tunes again and kinda tried writing too. I've been a little lax of late and I need to be all up on my game like *something like bears* getting all up in *I'm going with the cops he...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 06:15:00 PST

How I stopped worrying and learned to love the bomb

All lies. See really I'm terrified. I'm off looking for a new job, and I really want to make a reasonably big jump from what I'm doing now, to a new, shiney, pretty, svelte career. One with bells and ...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Tue, 13 Jun 2006 07:45:00 PST

Fat and Sassy

Root beer is just excellent. Seriously, its really nice and I like it very much. When I was a youth, not much older than you are now, they used to sell Root Beer in McDonalds. Id drink it, it would be...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 15 May 2006 07:27:00 PST

My Friends, Until The End

Ive been deep in research for the past forty moons. Ive visited libraries all over the forest in my quest to find the truth. Ive crossed the great river to the distant southern shores and returned,...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

My Escape From Prison

So, I got found out for doing all them murders and they sent me to prison. Dog prison. They couldnt send me to human prison cause it was full, so I had to go to dog prison. Its not as bad as you mig...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I get nervous because you're so pretty. And then...

...I forget things. Im worried that my brain is leaking. I cant remember stuff I used to be able to remember. Like how I started this sentence. I have like, 13 years of kid stuff to remember, 13 yea...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

You're Lovely

I've never played that trick where you give someone a pair of binoculars with boot polish (or similar) smeared around the eye pieces. Can you imagine actually doing that to someone? That would, I thin...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The Black Jesus Fucking Christ

I love swearing, me. I really fucking love it. I also love racist jokes, jokes aboiut mongs, jokes about dead people, dying people, rape, torture or any other dark and unmentionable subject. My favour...
Posted by Mark Turbo on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST