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Alfaro

Put some Alfaro sauce on it.

About Me

I am a poet. I have a collection of poetry titled real.m (Silenced Press 2007). I am currently a poet-in-residence at The Julia and David White Artist Colony in Colón, Costa Rica. I like iced tea. My work has appeared (or is forthcoming) in The Guild of Outsider Writers , Over the Transom and Zygote in my Coffee .

My Interests

    This Is A Poem About A Boy Who Had Shitty Shoes And No Friends And Lived In A Place He Never Wanted To Be And He Had Nowhere To Go And Nobody To Blame Except Himself Because It Was He Who Lost His Dream One Night In His Room While She Slept With Him Or Near Him Or She Slept While He Waited Until It Was Morning So He Could Take Her Home And Never See Her Again Because She Only Wanted Some Cock And He Complied And Then He Demanded More Of His Dreams Since His Ambitions Ran Away With His Integrity And One Day He Found His Reputation Lying In The Gutter To His Future Self And No Matter How Fast He Ran He Could Never Catch Up With The Lies That Spread Like Something That Resembled Fire But There Were No Flames And This Was The Same Rationality He Used Looking Back At His Future Because He Could Only See His Past While He Walked Backwards Into The Unknown With Nothing But His Shitty Fucking Tennis Shoes That Were Not Actually Tennis Shoes Because He Never Played Tennis Except When He Was Younger And Less Affected By His Conscience When He Ran Around The Court Faster Than All The Girls Even Though He Was Not In A Race And Knew This And Felt Strange Leading With A Stride In Shoes That Might Have Been Tennis Shoes But Probably Not Because Even When He Took Tennis Lessons He Did Not Have Tennis Shoes Because Tennis Shoes Were For Bitches Just Like Tennis So He Quit His Lessons And Eventually Started Skating, As In Skateboarding, Before He Broke His Ankle Which He Missed More Than His Woman, Skating, Not His Ankle, Who Was Not Even His Anymore Since She Gave Herself To Someone Else And He In Her Mind Was Over Like The Day They Met And The First Time They Kissed And That One Moment That He Knew Was Complete And Perfect And The One Moment In His Life When He Knew He Was Exactly Where He Was Supposed To Be, In This Life And Beyond, When He Lied In His Bed With Her, Naked, Just After They Made Love And He Heard The Music And He Felt Her And Everything Looked Grey Just Like He Remembered From A Dream And He Told Her This, In That Exact Moment, And She Became Scared And Wanted To Leave Because She Had Dreamt It Too And This Past Like Everything That Was Once Good But Now Was Anything But Here And Then One Day He Understood That She Was Not Listening Because He Lost A Minor Key And Even When He Found A Major Key They Were Still Out Of Tune And His Cadence Was Off And She Was An Octave Higher And He Never Learned To Read Music And Sometimes She Spoke With A Snare And Even Though He Was Just Like Every Good Boy He Was Not Doing Fine And Her Lips Turned Into A Cold Heavy Metal And He Broke His Ax Tending His Garden Of Music And She Ripped Up All Of The Notes That He Left Her But He Still Longed For Her Or Believed He Longed For Her Or Her Or Any Of The Women He Instantly Fell In Love With After One Look, After One Smile, After She Walked Past And He Felt Her Slide By With The Smell Of Her Hair And Her Skin Trailing Behind But Sometimes He Knew He Just Longed For Someone To Lie In Bed With Him Or Even Tell The Truth In Bed Or At Least What They Believed Was True, But Truly, There Was Only He, Alone, And He Missed Her So Much He Was Forced To Forget, Her Side Of The Bed Was Empty And He Was Sleep Deprived Until Sleep Arrived And As He Slept He Dreamt Of An Empty Mirror And A Hammer And His Dreams Became So Broken That They Were Shattered And When He Awoke He Could Not Find Any Of The Pieces And All His Hopes And Dreams Were Still Just Hopes And Dreams And He Wondered When He Was Going To Wake-Up- He Was Going To Be This, He Was Going To Be That, And Then He Was Nothing- But At The Very Least He Was Alive In A Literal Sense But He Wanted To Be Alive In A Metaphysical Sense Or Maybe A Mythical Sense But His Unicorn Was Hit By A Dragon’s Tail And Her Flesh Was Black And Charred From The Fire Breathing Beast And As He Held Uni Close, Her Spine Cracked And Her Broken Neck Dangling, She Bled Blue Blood From The Circular Stump Where Her Horn Had Detached And She Cried A Beautiful Song Just Before She Closed Her Eyes And Died And He Buried Her Under The Crying Branches Of A Weeping Willow Next To His Broken Dreams And His Memory And His Childhood While Time Watched Over Them All Along With Machines Of Loving Grace And He Never Listened To The Warnings Or Advice And He Flew Too Close To The Sun And The Wax Melted And His Wings Became Feathers That Fell Along With His Flesh, Blood And Bones Into The Cold Blue Body Of Her Water Where He Struggled To Breathe, To Keep From Drowning, His Lungs Underwater, Burning, His Screams Cut Off By The Liquid And His Mind Could Only Think That This Is How It Ends, Drowning In Sounds Waves And He Waves Back And They Usually Meet In His Ears And Travel To His Mind Where They Begin To Communicate And Discuss How Well The Birds Have Been Singing Lately And How Loud The Thunder Was The Other Night And How It Is Never Completely Silent And How Annoying That Fucking Dog Is That Never Shuts The Fuck Up And They Reminisce About The Times They Spent At The Ocean And How Sound Showed Him The Rhythm Of The Waves Crashing Against The Sand And He Wants To Introduce Sound To Vision Because He Has Seen The Moon But Sound Is Blind And Vision Will Never Hear The Birds And He Can Only Bring Them Together In His Mind Like All The Beautiful Girls He Has Locked Up There In His Maximum Security Brain Cells, Nude, Where They Will Never Get Away Or Find Clothes And They Look So Fucking Sexy When They Are Wet And Glistening, Right After He Gets His Brain Washed And They Will Do Whatever He Wants Them To Do In There Because This Is His World And They Were Made For Him To Remember Because Their Bodies Are Eternal And They Need The Clouds For Cover Because The Angels Are Jealous And This Immaculate Concept Will Save Him From Death And Fear And Boredom And Solitude Or Nothing Or This Will Kill Him Because He Will Suffer Over Their Full, Perfect Breasts, Complete With Ridged Pink Nipples Not Touching His Hands Or Lips, And The Curves Of Their Flat, Soft Stomachs And Perfect Skin That He Will Never Roll His Eyes Over Or Caress And He Will Never Know Their Perfect Little Secret That They Will Protect And Keep Hidden Away Warm And Tight Between Their Legs And Every Time He Saw A Beautiful Girl He Would Begin To Think About Her Beauty And Her Innocence And The First Time They Were Going To Kiss Even Though They Were Not Going To Kiss, They Were Going To Chicago Because He Never Liked Kiss And He Wanted To Hear Twenty Five Or Six To Four But This Will Never Happen Because This Is Only In His Imagination And He Stopped Going To Concerts Anyways Since They Were Not About Music Anymore But More About Concession Stands And Even If He Wanted To He Could Not Afford To Pay Attention Because He Never Earned Enough To Make The First Payment And It Would Cost Him Some Daydreams Which He Did Not Want To Give Up Even As The Days Were Becoming Dark And His Nightmares Were Melting Into His Fears And They Were Stealing His Heart, Broken Valves, Bleeding And All And He Missed The Boat And His Mind Went Sailing Into The Distance, With The Sun Setting, Even Though The Sun Never Actually Set And The Sun Never Actually Rose, The World Only Turned And He Was Getting Motion Sickness And He Wanted To Get Off Because The Ride Seemed To Never End But This Was Only Because His Perspective Was Obscured By A Blur Of Her And Maybe There Are Such Things As Mistakes And Maybe He Is Making Them, Right Now, Constantly, Today, Tomorrow And The Day After, Even Repeating The Same One Twice, Even Repeating The Same One Twice, But How Will He Ever Know Anything That Could Possibly Be Known Because What Is Known Is In The Mind And Ultimately The Mind Cannot Hold Water Because It Is A Mind, Not A Glass, Although It Should Always Be Ajar So It Can Understand Before It Forgets, Before It Dies Or Decides To Write Everything It Is Thinking For Others And Maybe Another Has The Same Thought And This Thinking Will Become Two Minds Conjoined And They Will Be One In The Thought And Together They Will Know And Then The Message Will Be Spread- We Know Something- And Then Other Minds Might Question- What Do You Know- And The Two Minds As One Will Answer- I Am Not Telling- And The Other Minds Will Be Angry And There Will Be War And Blood Will Spill Over All The People, Places And Things Because Everything Exists In The Mind But We Can Hope That Hope Exists And Maybe One Day All The Warring Minds Can Come To The Understanding Of Peace And Maybe One Day They Will Achieve It Because By Then They Will All Know That The Only War Is The One In Our Minds And All We Have To Do Is Think Of Peace Or Not Think Of War And To Forget What Was Meant By Hate And To Know And Understand What Is Meant By Love And To Spread This Meaning And Put This Message Into Every Bottle, Every Action, With Or Without Lights Or A Camera, Into Every Thing So That Every Being Can Experience This Ultimate Bliss And All That Was Separate Will Feel The Oneness Like He Felt In His First Life Although He Knew He Was Not Going To Get Eight More Because He Liked Dogs And He Knew How To Swim So He Was Not A Cat Person And He Did Not Fear The Water, Only The Waves When They Crashed Down Over Him And His Insufficient Lung Capacity Caused Him, Once Or Twice Or Daily, Actually Every Moment, To Nearly Drown Which Made Him Think Twice About Surfing, Although The Third Time He Thought About Surfing He Thought He Could Surf Or So He Imagined But There Was No Specific Ocean In The Round Landlocked Land Where He Resided That Is Ruled By The Greed Of Landlords And He Knows He Will Never Become The Buddha Because When He Sees A Spider In His Apartment He Cannot Abide By The No Killing Rule And He Kills And There Were Moments When He Switched Off All The Lights And His Eyes Did Not Adjust To The Complete Black And He Became Dizzy And Disoriented And He Ran Into A Wall And He Loved This Feeling, Like He Was Not In His Apartment, Like The World Grew And He Felt The Endlessness Of The Universe In The Tiny Space That He Misjudged Between Himself And The Wall And He Wanted This Feeling Continuously So He Could Live In It And Pretend That It Was The Same Kind Of Feeling He Would Have Somewhere In Europe Because He Was Not Sure If He Would Ever Get There Because He Felt The World Fall Away From The Borders Of The City And His Life Was Moving In Directions He Could Not Find On A Compass And Even After He Was Given The World He Still Only Stayed In One Corner That Was Round On The Sides And High In The Middle And Cold In The Winter And Lonely Year Round Where Everyone Has A Map On Their Wall Of A Beautiful Place Far Away Where They Imagine Themselves To Be And His Job And His Basic Needs And His Dog Were Holding Him Back From This Imaginary Trip Or Maybe Homelessness Or Maybe They Were Holding Him Up But He Needed A She To Hold Him Down And Tell Him She Loved Him And They Could Have Tea Parties On The Bottoms Of Swimming Pools Or On The Tops Of Mountains Or On Trains Of Thought That Take Them To A Higher Level Of Existence Where They Can Just Exist In Harmony With The Universe Because She Will Be He And He Will Be She And They Will Be One And There Will Be Nothing Further, Just The Moment That Is Actually Endless Until It Ends Which Will Be Less Than The Time It Takes Her To Run Her Finger Down His Chest And They Could Crawl Under The Covers And Disappear With The Sun On A Sunday And Pretend That They Were Never Coming Back But This Was Something Clouding His Mind Making It Too Foggy To See His Original Face And He Does Not Know How To Stop A Wild Horse Or A Bullet Train Coming Straight At Him And When He Turns Off The Music And Listens Close He Cannot Tell If A Tree Fell In The Woods Or If A Bear Shits There Or If That Was The Sound Of One Hand Clapping And His Mediations Will Never Get Past The Sufferings Of Beauty Locked Behind The Lips Of Time And He Will Cling To These Images Of Beautiful Women That He Burned Into His Memory As Life Itself Because Life Itself Was Never A Beautiful Girl Waiting Naked For Him And Him Alone Because All Women Were Pursuing Knowledge And Once They Knew A Boy And How He Feels And What He Likes And Does Not Like And Once They Take Everything He Gives They Move On To Another Boy Because They Want To Know What It Feels Like To Have Another Boy, A Different Boy, With Them And In Them And He Was The Boy That She Knew And She Left And He Was Left Alone But Right Handed So He Played With Himself And He Became His Best Friend And He Always Knew What He Was Thinking And What He Was Going To Say And He Finished His Own Sentences And He Got Along So Well With Himself That He Eventually Got Bored And Had To Travel Outside Himself So He Decided To Go To The Orient Because He Did Not Give A Fuck What Edward Said And He Flew There And Yes His Arms Were Tired And So Were His Wings And He Ate Sushi And Rice And Poured Soy Sauce Over Everything And He Mastered The Art Of Chopsticks And Charades And Bonsai And Origami And The Orient Had Beautiful People Over There In The East, Beautiful Oriental People That Did Oriental Things That These Bastards That Surrounded Him In The West Would Not Understand Because These Mindless Fucks Had No Culture And Never Stopped Eating And Never Stepped Into Art Museums Or Libraries And If They Ever Stepped Outside And Happened To Be Immersed In Nature For A Moment They Got Pissed Because They Were Missing Their Television, Their God, Their Ignorant Art, They Were Missing Life And He Was Trying To Find Them And Help Them Get Out Of The Lost And Get Them On The Path Of Beauty That Leads To Transcendence Because Anyone Can Transcend Or Dance And At Times Even He Considered Himself A Dancer Because At These Times He Was Dancing And Very Drunk And At Times He Considered Himself A Writer Because Sometimes He Wrote And At Times He Considered Himself A Reader Because Sometimes He Read Minds Or Words Or Even Sentences And Then He Conquered Paragraphs Which Enabled Him To Read A Book And Then He Saw A Bunch Of Words Hanging In The Sky That Someone Left Up High And He Discovered A Poem And Then He Began To Read Poems But He Never Actually Met Anyone Who Read Pound Or At Least No One Who Admitted To It And He Was Not Sure What Cantos Actually Were And He Thought That Maybe It Was The Anti-Breakfast Cereal That Evil Parents Fed Their Children So They Would Not Start Their Day Right And He Wondered What Kind Of Parents Would Do Such A Thing And This Confused Him Like The Glass That Fills Every Windowpane That He Saw As A Labyrinth Because He Could Be On Either Side, Looking Either Way, But Never In The Middle And There Was Always The Separation And He Could Not Decide Which Was Better- Inside Looking Out Or Outside Looking In- Because Either Way He Looked To The Other Side Wanting That From Which He Was Clearly Separate And He Balled, Tears Falling, And He Balled His Hand Into A Fist And He Watched The Glass Break, Fragments Falling, Cutting Skin And He Jumped Through To Get Out To Get In To Get Her Together Even As She Was Falling Apart Like Time And Would It Stop If He Was Not There To Bear Witness Or Arms Because He Was Told That Time Was A Dimension Which Again Confused Him Because He Thought Time Equaled The Speed Of Light And Maybe The Porch Was Sixty Miles Per Hour Because A Moment Was An Instant And Instantly It Was Gone And Then Another Instant Came And Went Instantly Like Light And The Sun Which He Could Have Considered God If He Considered God To Be That Which Sustains Life On Earth But What About Mars Or Water And He Sometimes Thought Of God As His Creator But Then He Figured That His Parents Were Not God- Or Were They- Or Maybe God Was His Parent’s Parent’s Parents All The Way Back To The First Man Or Woman Or Monkey Or Single Celled Organism Or Whatever The Fuck It Was That Gave Birth To The Man And Woman Who Gave Birth To The Man And Woman Who Gave Birth To His Mother And Father Who Gave Him Life And He Tried To Give It Back Because He Did Not Know What To Do With It Because It Was So Beautiful Because It Was So Ugly Because It Was The Best Gift He Ever Received Because Was The Worst Gift He Ever Received Because It Made Him Sick And Happy And Lonely And Alive Because It Was The Gift That Gave Him Everything And Nothing And This Was What He Really Desired Because His Possessions Were Possessing Him And He Wanted Children And A Beautiful Wife Because Making Children With His Beautiful Wife Would Be Beautiful And He Thought About A Beautiful House In The Middle Of Some Place Beautiful That They Could Live In And The Backyard Would Be A Beautiful Forest Made For Them That They Could Frolic And Fuck In And They Could Name Their Beautiful Children Ivy Or Oak Or Stillborn Or Hendrix Like His Dog Whose Toe Nails Were Always Clicking Around On The Hardwood Floor That Are Not Actually Toe Nails Because She Has Paws, Not Toes, With Nails That Were Too Long Like The Ones That Should Only Be Used For Building Buildings Or Crucifying And She Could Not Speak English So It Was Difficult To Communicate But She Did Understand Sit And Lie Down And Shake And Speak And Roll Over And When He Told Her To Play Dead She Rolled Over On Her Back With Her Paws Bent, Hanging, And She Stopped Moving Her Tail And He Wondered How She Knew To Do That With Only Those Two Words Because He Never Taught Her This Trick So What Power Did She Possess Besides The Ability To Make Bones And Furniture Disappear And Where Did She Come From But Then He Remembers That She Was A Gift From Her And He Remembers Going To The Pet Store With Her Which He Probably Did Not Like But She Enjoyed It So They Always Went Until She Got Mad That He Did Not Like Going To Pet Stores So She Stopped Going To Pet Stores With Him And They Eventually Stopped Going Anywhere Together But At The Time In The Pet Store They Were At A Point Where They Liked Each Other Enough To Accompany Each Other Everywhere As Long As At The End Of The Day, When It Became Night, They Met In Bed And He Remembers Seeing A Puppy That Barked Too Much And Was Too Starved For Attention And Behind This Puppy Was A Beautiful Black And White Puppy That Barked Only Because It Was Scared And There Was A Perfect Amount Of Sadness In This Puppy’s Eyes And He Knew That This Was The Coolest Dog He Had Ever Seen In His Life And He Told Her This And She Picked The Puppy Up And It Was So Tiny And Cute, Yelping On Her Chest And She Wanted To Buy Her But He Did Not Because Then He Knew He Would Have To Take Care Of Her And He Did Not Want The Responsibility And Even Though They Did Not Buy Her That Day, He Was Almost Convinced But Sometime Later He Took Her Out To Eat Mexican Food And She Ordered A Chicken Quesadilla Like Usual And He Ordered Beef Tacos Like Always And He Told Her He Was Sorry That He Forgot To Request The Night Off Work Because He Did Not Know It Was Her Birthday Until Moments Before He Told Her He Was Sorry Because She Just Told Him It Was Her Birthday, For The First Time, Sitting There Eating Mexican Food On The Same Day She Was Born Some Years Ago And He Did Not Even Know And Now He Had To Go To Work And Leave Her But He Told Her He Would See Her Afterwards Which He Did Along With The Black And White Puppy That She Ended Up Buying On Her Birthday But For Him And Part Of Him Felt So Good That She Would Do Something So Nice For Him On Her Birthday And A Very Small Part Of Him, That He Shoved Aside Because He Knew Where They Were Going To End Up That Night, Was Mad Because Now He Was Going To Have To Take Care Of This Puppy That Would Become A Dog And She Could Just Play With It And Then Go Back To Her Place And Not Have To Take Care Of The Eating, Shitting, Barking, Puking Animal Which Is Exactly What She Did And He Eventually Lost Her And He Could Not Find Her Anymore, She Was Gone And Even If He Did Find Her She Would Be Different, He Would Be Different, They Would Not Be The Same And His Projection Of Them Would Decompose And The Movie Will End And He Will Not Be In The Credits And They Will Not Leave Together And She Will Not Ask Him To Fuck Her Behind The Theater But He Wanted To Open Her Box Again And Press Play Or Rewind And Feel The Warmth And He Would Not Mind All The Bad Things That Came From It As Long As He Could Touch Or Taste Or Feel That One Glimpse Of Hope Before They Fast Forward And It Closes Again And She Pulls Down Her Skirt Along With The Blue Velvet Curtains And He Wrote Her Letters To Try And Find Her But She Did Not Write Back And He Lost Her Address And His Pen Ran Out Of Ink And He Did Not Have Any Stamps Or An Envelope And He Wondered How She Could Abandon Them And He Knew She Did Not Want To Be Found But When He Told Her He Loved Her He Meant It With Every Part Of His Mind, Body And Soul Even If She Did Not Believe Him Even As They Were Growing Apart And Time AndSpaceWere Interfering With Them More And More And He Still Remembers Every Time He Picked Her Up At Every Different Airport In All The Different Cities That Each Time She Walked Up To Him Or Walked Away From Him That He Recognized Her Less And Less Until He Did Not Recognize Her At All Because She Was Not Even There And When He Told Stories About The Time He Spent With Her He Would Open With- One Time, Me And My Dead Girlfriend- And People Would Ask If His Girlfriend Was Really Dead And If His Grammar Was That Poor And He Would Say Yes And Then He Would Explain That She Was Hit By A Bus And He Never Really Listened In English Class And Her Head Detached From Her Body And He Watched All This From The Side Of The Road And He Said This So Much And He Never Heard Back From Her That He Thought Maybe This Had Come True Because He Believed In Curses Because He Knows He Has Cast Them And He Knows He Has Been Cursed And They Were Not Evil Spells Chanted Behind Smoke In A Dark Lair By Witches Or Wizards Or Warlocks, They Were Just Words, And He Knew Words Can Curse And Karma Was Very Real And Everything Happens For A Reason But He Could Never Figure Out Why Or Figure In The Variables And He Wondered How He Got To Where He Was Because Where He Was He Never Thought Was Where He Was Going To Be But This Was Exactly Where He Ended Up- Dead Center In The Middle Of Nowhere Which Happened To Be His Life And He Met A Girl And Her Name Was Catherine But She Went By Cat And It Fit Her Perfectly Like Her Light-Blue Eyes And Matching Blonde Hair Falling Tangled Around Her Beautiful White Smile Complete With Perfectly Straight Teeth And He Knew From The First Moment He Saw Her That He, Easily, Could Completely Fall In Love With This Girl, If For Only Her Laugh Because She Always Closed Her Eyes And Tilted Her Head Back When The Sound Was Generating In Her Like She Knew That Everyone Needed To Prepare For This Because It Was Going To Be So Beautiful That You Had To Close Your Eyes And Concentrate And Listen Close As It Drifted In Your Ears But She Died, Actually She Dyed Her Hair Brown And Who He Thought She Was Seemed To Lie Under The Dye Or In The Past Or Somewhere In His Imagination Because Along With Her Hair Color, She Changed And He Could Not Uncover Who She Really Was And He Never Liked Detective Work Or Work In General Or Work Specifically And She Was Too Much To Understand Or Maybe Too Little And She Said She Did Not Believe In Love And It Was At That Point That He Knew They Were Not Even On The SameI red her mind and It blue her mind and then Her mind was purpledPage And He Informed Her That She Was Full Of Shit And Not Full Of Such Things As Sugar And Spice Or Anything Nice But Something Dark And Demented And Dishonest That Was Probably Bitter Like A Rotting Green Apple Dropped In A Garden That Did Not Contain Love But Only Contained Lies And He Vowed To Never Open This Container Contained In Her Because He Was Tired Of Fixing Things That Were Not Broke And His Hindsight Was Not Twenty Twenty But Closer To Legally Blind Especially In That One Spot Although He Could See The Injustice In Justice Because It Was Still An Eye For An Eye And A Life For A Life, Having Not Progressed From The Egyptians, With A Penalty Of Death For Death But Sequence Does Not Justify Capital Punishment And He Sat Watching The World Go By Through The Window, Watching The Glass Get Thicker On The Bottom As His Hair Grew Long As The River Flowed And The Branches Hanging From The Trees Swayed, Knowing This Place Does Not Belong To Him Or Anyone As A Bird Struggled Atop A Fence To Keep From Falling, Her Wings Broken After An Attack From A Playful Puppy Who Was Innocent But The Bird Is Still Hurt And The Bird Still Bleeds And Then The Bird Falls As It Tries To Take Flight, To Leave The Earth Before The Ground Swells And Grows Around The Tiny Body, Ill-Equipped With Broken Wings, Burying It, But It Will Never Again Leave The Earth, It Will Only Become A Part Of It And He Gazed At The Pillars Of Salt Next To The Isles Of Black And White And The Keys Of Ivory And Obsidian Leaning Towards Towers Of Light And He Put So Much Time Into Staring At The Blue Sky, Watching It Bleed, Watching It Recede, That He Believed He Earned It But The Sky Could Not Be Earned So He Stole It Without Being Seen And He Was Never Caught And He Kept The Blue Locked Up In A Black Trunk Where Only He Could See Its Beauty And He Knew That This Made Him A Thief And Cruel And Unusual For Punishing The Weathermen Because Now No One Would Know Which Way The Wind Blows But This Was The Only Thing He Ever Stole Besides Her Heart Which He Kept Bleeding And Beating Next To His Until She Took It Back And Then His Heart Bled And Pumped Idly In Solitude Behind Clouds Above Ancient Poets Working With Walls And Hieroglyphics But Luckily He Still Had A Photo Of Her And She Was Smiling, Her Face Next To His, And He Remembers The Room It Was Taken In And That This Was During The Holidays With Her Family Since His Family Was Broken And He Can Still Look Deep Into Her Eyes And He Still Knows He Loves Her, Will Always Love Her, Even Though The Picture Is Too Grainy And Unclear, But Even So He Can Push The Photo Halfway Down Into The Envelope And He Can Stare Into Her Eyes And Pretend That The White Underneath Is Just A Sheet She Has Covering Her Mouth And That They Are Still In Bed Together And He Can Tell Her A Story Like The One He Remembers Hearing As A Child About A Boy With Shitty Shoes And No Friends And He Wishes He Could Remember Where He Heard The Story But It Is Buried Somewhere In The Past Which Is Dead Which Some Part Of Him Looked Forward To Because Then It Would Be The End Of His Life And The Beginning Of Something Else And There Was A Time When He Felt His Life Was Beautiful And For A Moment It Became What He Always Wanted It To Be- Art- And He Was Not With A Beautiful Woman Or On A Beautiful Beach, He Was Alone On An Orange Couch That He Picked Up Off The Street For Free That Hendrix Kept Chewing Up And If She Kept Up Her Bad Behavior, Then He Will No Longer Have The Couch That He Was Sitting On Eating A Chicken Caesar Salad With Italian Dressing Listening To Classical Music On Public Radio Even Though He Was Not Sure If He Even Liked Classical Music Or Public Radio But He Sat There Looking At The Shades Covering The Window And Something Was Beautiful Or Maybe He Was Just In A Very Good Mood Forgetting For A Moment What He Will Always Remember, What He Realized Falling On The Concrete In The Driveway Of His Old House, The First House He Ever Lived In Or The First House He Ever Remembered Living In, When He Picked Himself Back Up And Looked At The Point On His Arm Where The Pain Was Coming From And Then He Saw Something Come From Behind His Skin, Something That Was Not Normal And Red And Something Was Seriously Wrong And He Screamed For His Father Because He Became Completely Afraid And He Somehow Already Knew That This Red Was Called Blood And This May Not Have Been The First Time He Bled But This Was The First Time He Watched The Blood Flow From His Body And It Destroyed One Of His Childhood Myths Because Now He Knew He Was Not Invincible Or Immortal But That He Could Be Hurt And That One Day He Was Going To Die And Part Of Him Believed That There Was A Place That He Would Go After He Died And Maybe For Him It Was Called Heaven Or Hell Or Purgatory Or Maybe It Really Just Ends And His Mind Will Decay And Turn Black And Maybe He Does Not Have A Soul That Will Transcend From His Body And Ascend To The Sky And Maybe He Will Just Dissolve And Everyone He Knew Will Forget And Everyone Who Never Knew Him Will Not Care Or Blink Since They Will Be Somewhere Else While He Is In The Place Called Death That Does Not Look Like Anything Or Smell Like Anything And No One Is There Except Nothing Who He Will Try To Make Friends With Because No One But Nothing Helped Him So Much While He Lived And In His Death He Believes There Is Still Time For Retribution And He Believes There Is Still The Chance That His Life Will Never End Because He Has Yet To Meet Death Even Though He Has Seen Him In Boxes And At The Hospital And In The Cemetery And He Knows Death Has Met His Parent’s Parents Which He Believes Set Them Free And He Wants To Be Free, Actually Free, In The Most Idyllic Sense Without Being Dependent Even On His Most Basic Needs Since The Air And Water Were Now Polluted And He Was Jealous Of His Dog Because She Did Not Need Clothes And His Home Was Not Actually His And His Food Was Contaminated And Unhealthy And He Wondered At What Point Did Foods Become So Unnatural That Organic Foods Became An Expensive Alternative And Every Time He Went To An All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet He Lost His Appetite Because He Ate Until It Was Days Away From Returning And The Rest Of The Second And Third World Were Just Looking For Something To Eat And The First World Could Feed The Whole World But Instead They All Owned Cell Phones And The Irony Of These People Trying To Lose Weight Disgusted Him And At The Very End Of His Stuffing After Two Too Many Plates Of Food When His Stomach Could Not Hold Anything More And It Was About To Evacuate, He Was Presented With A Fortune Cookie Which Unfortunately Was Broke, Just Like Him, And A Check Which He Was Not Sure How He Was Going To Pay And His Fortune Told Him That Love Is The Only Medicine For A Broken Heart And That His Lucky Numbers Were 2, 17, 33, 35, 44, And 30 And Love Seemed Obvious But 44 Made Him Wonder And He Flipped The Small Rectangular Piece Of Paper For More Answers And Then His Fortune Taught Him Chinese And That Shi-yue Meant October But This Would Only Help Him Thirty One Days Out Of The Year If He Happened To Be In China And If Someone Happened To Ask Him What Month It Was But Who The Fuck Is In China Wondering What Month It Is And Would He Even Understand The Question And Would They Happen To Cross Paths And Even If They Did He Still Could Not See Himself In China But Then Again He Never Looked And Then He Wondered If Maybe He Was In China, While He Kept His Head Down, Staring At The Paper Place Mat That Told Him He Was A Monkey- Intelligent, Can Influence Others, Easily Confused- And He Wondered What Ancient Prophet Had Him Pinned So Well- And Maybe It Was A Note He Left Himself- But How Was Such Great Knowledge Left On The Table To Catch The Red Sweet And Sour Sauce That People Dripped When They Missed Their Ignorant Mouths And He Wondered Who Had Been The Genius That Spread His Hand Upon A Sheet Of Paper And Traced Around His Fingers And Instantly Created An Army Of Artists And Visionaries Composed Of Children In Every School, Every Year In Late November As They All Saw Turkeys And He Wonders Who Was The First Student To Tell Their Teacher That He Did Not Have His Homework Because His Dog Ate It And He Believes That The First Person To Actually Give This Excuse Was Probably Telling The Truth Or A Genius Because The First Teacher Who Was Given This Excuse Had To Believe It Because It Was So Ridiculous That It Had To Be True And This Student Was Probably Even Smart Enough Or Worried Enough To Bring In The Half Chewed Evidence Or Maybe His Dog Was Actually Sabotaging His Academic Career But He Never Had The Chance To Think Of Or Give This Excuse And His Mother Never Told Him That Growing-Up Was The Biggest Scam He Was Going To Fall For But When She Did Call Him, She Told Him How Proud She Was Of Him And He Did Not Understand Why Because All He Did Was Join The Rat Race And He Wondered What Happened To The Human Race- Who Won- When Did It Start- And Why Was Everyone Running, Living, Breathing, Slaving For Little Meaningless Pieces Of Paper With In God We Trust Printed On Them That Even Made Atheists Believe Because If God Did Not Exist Then They Could Not Go Shopping, Which Were Near Extinction Since They Were Being Converted Into Something Even Less Significant, Something Even More Intangible- A Number- Which So Many Believed Determined Their Worth Which Was Why They Were So Worthless And This Did Not Motivate Him Because His Motivation Stemmed From Love And It Was Hiding Somewhere So He Bought A Metal Detector Thinking He Would Find It, Her, Through Default But He Kept Discovering The Cold Steel Burn Of Life Unlived And Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wounds And He Understood Depression And Desperation But He Also Knew He Would Never Become So Desperate As To Actually Believe His Only Choice Was Life Or Death, Because Neither Was Actually A Choice They Were Only Parts Of Each Other Like Light And Dark, Like Man And Woman, Like Here And There So He Decided To Move To A Place Far Away, Then And Now Because He Is Already Back And Now Only Remembers That There Was A Time He Missed Walking Into A Bar In Mexico Which Looks Better On Paper Because It Is Black And White Without The Dirt And Disease And The Desolation With A Mexican Following Him Because He Told Him To Come Along After Meeting Him At Another Bar, This Man And He Talking, Half-Communicating, Neither Completely Understanding Each Other- The Man With Broken English And He With Broken Spanish And Both Of Them With Broken Dreams- Only Understanding That He And This Man Were Now And Always Friends, One Hot Night, Walking In With A Beautiful Mexican Girl Whose Name Was Kathy But She Went By Kat And It Fit Her Perfectly Like Her Dark Black Hair And Her Head Resting Under His Chin When They Would Stop Against A Wall And Kiss With All The Men At The Bar Staring At Them Or At Her Because She Was Beautiful And The Only Female In The Place That Was Even Hotter Than Outside With A Film Of Air That Would Cling To Everyone And Everything And Made Them Sweat And He Loved The Smell Of Her Sweat And His Sweat And Their Sweating And How Wet They Were While He Needed To Find A Bathroom Which He Was Led To By Her Which Was Only A Trough With Half A Broken Swinging Door For No Privacy But Pissing All The Same With Two Mexicans Barging In Yelling Almost Mad Because He Was Not Moving, Only Pissing, Before He Kissed Her More Along The Wall And Smelled Her Hair And Tried To Order More Beers But His Friend Hector Said They Were Leaving And They Were And He Waved And Said Goodbye To His Friend Who Had Come Along From The Other Bar And He Could See This Man Sitting At The End Of The Bar And He Could Tell By The Man’s Face And His Frown And His Sunken Dead Eyes That The Man Was Completely Heartbroken Because This Man Was Just Like The Boy Who Only Wanted Another Her To Be With Him And He Could Say He Loved Her Even If He Did Not Mean It But Only Liked To Say It Because Of The Way It Made Her Feel To Hear Like A Song, Like A Soft Rain Tapping On The Surface While Holding His Breath Underwater, Like Being In A Warm Bed Under Thick Covers And Seeing The Snow Through A Window Shining White In Moonlight Below Darkness When He Knows Tomorrow Will Be Christmas
    Love
    lies
    in her eyes

I'd like to meet:

Bill, Jake, Tom, Jimmy.

Music:

Anticon. Apathetic Mathematicians Underground.

Movies:

Basquiat. The Cruise. The Red Balloon. The Fountain. The Five Obstructions. The Graduate. The Science of Sleep. The Rules of Attraction. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. American Psycho/Beauty. Donnie Darko. Amelie. A Very Long Engagement. ¿Quien Diablo es Juliette?

Television:

Ignorant Art.

Books:

Once When I Was Drowning, The Catcher In The Rye, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, So The Wind Won't Blow It All Away, The Edna Webster Collection, Trout Fishing In America, The Hawkline Monster, You Can't Catch Death, Worldchanging: A User's Guide for the 21st Century, Manifesto: An Anonymous Novel, The Tao Te Ching, The Book of Questions, real.m , The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry, On The Road, Lila, Where The Wild Things Are, Alice In Wonderland, The Classic Tradition of Haiku: An Anthology, A Humument, Kiddish, Bobby Fischer Teaches Chess, Widow Basquiat, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Lolita, Notes from Underground, Crime and Punishment, Winesburg, Ohio, Ishmael, Siddhartha, Magister Ludi: The Glass Bead Game, The Chess Artist, The Four Agreements, The Outsiders, All Quiet on the Western Front, The Bell Jar, The Fall of Freddie The Leaf, Burro Genius, Bridge to Terabithia, The Amputee's Guide to Sex, A Series of Words, Howl, Reality Sandwiches, The Stranger, The Rum Diary, Within Normal Limits, American Skin, Flowers for Algernon, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Old Man and The Sea, Nirvana in a Nutshell, Into the Wild, Lunar Park, Story of My Life, Said the Shotgun to the Head, Steppenwolf, A Fan's Notes, Real Ultimate Power, Tropic of Cancer, The Tao of Abundance, Native Son, Lessons In Virtual Tour Photography , Through the Looking Glass, Travels with Charley, Haiku: This Other World, No More Prisons, Bomb The Suburbs, The Dharma Bums, Tristessa, Anthem, The Five Chinese Brothers, Steal This Book, The Prophet, the pelt, Sand and Foam, The Fountainhead, Danny and The Dinosaur, The Tao of Pooh, The Art of Loving, The Te of Piglet, Of Mice and Men, Urban Survival, Unrequited, Brave New World, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Stranger in a Strange Land, Go Ask Alice, The Monster at the End of This Book, The Last Night Of The Earth Poems, The Great Gatsby, The Crack-Up, Girl Interrupted, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Sombrero Fallout, Willard and His Bowling Trophies, An Unfortunate Woman, A Confederate General from Big Sur, The Tokyo Montana Express, This Side of Paradise, Eden Express, Dreaming of Babylon, a procession of ripples ,The Abortion, Nine Stories, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Tuesdays with Morrie, Leaves of Grass, The Stinky Cheese Man and other Fairly Stupid Tales, A Farewell To Arms, The Giving Tree, In Watermelon Sugar, A Box of Matches, Glamorama, The Rules of Attraction, Less Than Zero, The Sun Also Rises, House of Leaves, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

Heroes:

Timothy "Speed" Levitch.

My Blog

The Poet

Published at: The Guild of Outsider Writers
Posted by Alfaro on Mon, 24 Sep 2007 05:27:00 PST

The Machine

Published at:Zygote in my Coffee
Posted by Alfaro on Tue, 21 Aug 2007 11:20:00 PST

Interview/Review

The Guild of Outside Writers
Posted by Alfaro on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 05:30:00 PST

SFSU Bookstore Display

SFSU Bookstore Display
Posted by Alfaro on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 03:24:00 PST

LitKicks reviews real.m

real.m by Alfaro Inside a quiet-looking black-on-white perfect-bound poetry chapbook is a near riot of metafictional phenomenology regarding the existence and presence of the book itself. For ins...
Posted by Alfaro on Wed, 09 May 2007 10:45:00 PST