Congresswoman Sherri Davis (R-CA)

The following are my signature legislative packages for 2007:
1.) The Yoga Mat Cleanliness Act. (YMCA). Studies show that over 1.2 million work days are lost each year to yoga-mat borne diseases, including jock itch and strep. These previously ignored "fungal illnesses" are taking $1.2 billion out of America's paychecks. Join with me and Sarah Jessica Parker to help stomp out jock itch in our time through mandatory cleanliness standards for communal yoga mats.
2.) Project SATYR ("Scrapbooking Accelerates Terrific Youth Reading"), a program designed to capitalize on America's recent "scrapbooking craze" to increase youth reading levels through individual vouchers and major tax-breaks to the American scrapbooking industry.
Background Quote: "One of my favorite new singers, Kelis, sings about how her 'milkshakes' bring all the boys to her yard, and it is this exact same proposition we are seeing take place in regards to scrapbooking and teen literacy," says Davis. "We view teen scrapbooks as the 'milkshakes of teen literacy' that will bring underperforming teen readers to the 'yard' of teen literacy. Let's face it -- if teens won't read about themselves, in their own scrapbooks, then what will they read about? What's wrong with capitalizing on our youth culture's own narcissism to 'trick' underperforming teens right into literacy!"
3.) The "Bible Repatriation Act," (BRA), a legislative act to bring control of the Bible back into the hands of America by requiring that all Bibles be printed in the United States of America.
Background Quote: "Just yesterday, a favorite constituent of mine sent me a copy of a Bible he had acquired that was printed in a foreign country -- and I can't tell you which country because of National Security reasons, but it does begin with an I, which I don't think will surprise anyone," says Davis. "While reading this particular Bible, my constituent discovered that in Kings and then again in Deuteronomy, the sections of the Bible that talk about ‘approved entrances' to the human body had been altered somehow during the printing process to include new, unapproved entrances to the human body that the Lord in his wisdom never intended to open up for business. And it is safe to say that this is obviously the work of America's foreign enemies -- enemies who are not only anti-American, but also anti-family. Hence my support of BRA. Bring our Bibles home. Bring them home."
4.) The Mandatory Portion Control Act (MPCA): Mandatory portion control right in the home -- using tasers if necessary! -- to help solve America's growing obesity problem.
5.) Project D-LETE (D-List Export Treaty Enterprise). Given that America has exported virtually all of our high-paying manufacturing jobs overseas, it's important that we increase export opportunities for one of our last remaining natural resources: America's intellectual property. And by this I mean our films, our singers, our chanteuses, anything here in this country that isn't bolted down and that can be viewed as even mildly entertaining. For America, my dear Constituents, is the Dream Machine of the World. But one of our entertainment sectors in lagging in the export field: America's D-List, of which there is no finer example in the world. And through a combination of export subsidies and, if necessary, brazen threats, my plan is that through Project D-LETE, we will increase Third Word consumption of America's excess D-List celebrities -- from Charo to Carrot Top to Joey Heatherton to Wilmer Valderamma and much much more -- by over 2000% within a single year. Join with me and Sarah Jessica Parker as we show the world our American pride in our entertainment field's last untapped resource: our amazing D-List, America's most renewable natural resource.
Background Quote: "For wasn't it an American, P.T. Barnum, who coined that most American of slogans: 'A sucker is born every minute?' And so as the sun sets on the American Century, let's take our Hollywood Dream Machine out for one last spin around the world, and lets market our A-List, our B-List, our C-List, and yes, even our D-List to the world, especially our D-List I should say, for as long as people in other countries are still willing to accept our American dollar in payment for their valuable manufactured goods."
6.) And finally, I have proposed five Constitutional Amendments so far this year -- with more on the way! E-mail me for further details!