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Kurt

The Emporer Of Ice Cream - So Kurt it Hurts - Beware of Imitations

About Me



I'm an antiques dealer, sourcing rare and rather special antiques for the collector.

I am also a vampire. Its a difficult balance to strike. Sort of the head vampire, the Area Manager, if you will.

What I have is something akin to a network of Avon Ladies or Ann Summers Girls. They don't realy answer to me, they take care of their own business, making their own house calls and such to make me stronger.

salem's Lot trailer
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My Interests

Going out at night. Meeting new people. Wearing cloaks. I do this weird thing at parites where I jump in through the window and inflate in the kitchen. It knocks people out everytime. I once impaled a dog on the gate of Harmony Hill cemetary. I don't make a habbit of it though. I'm generaly good to animals. I like watching the lights on Jointner Avenue and knocking people out of their keds. Check it out below.

I'd like to meet:

David Soul. Rutger Hauer (as if!) Any 'sensitive' vampires who get their blood from the blood bank. That's just lazy, as far as I'm concerned. Where's their hunter/gatherer insticnt!

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Music:

Don't really listen to music. I work odd hours, constant nights. Sometimes I'll ask my partner (not that kind of partner) Mr. Straker to play something sombre before I go out to get me in the mood. I could get my teeth into Girlsaloud. I have been known to trip the light fantastic to Bauhaus though, Bela Lugosis's dead, gets me every time!Bauhaus - Bela Lugosis Dead
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Movies:

Nosferatu. Some people say I have a look of him. I don't see it myself. I like Near Dark, because it's good to see vampires who don't wear frilly shirts and walk around with candelabras all the time. I like Return To Salem's Lot because, well, someone has to. Ralphy and Danny like The Lost Boys. Kids eh? Will they ever grow up? You've gotta admire those hair cuts in interview with the vampire though, not envious in the slightest however, you know what they say about bald men... muhaha!

Television:

Buffy. Gordon Ramsey: Kitchen Nightmares. Kingdom Hospital. Everybody Loves Raymond.

Books:

Anything but the bible. Some Richard Bachman, holiday reading, you know. My endeavours often make the newspapers. Look for my work in Obituries.

Heroes:

Vlad The Impaler. Pat Coombs. Reggie Nalder. Dot Cotton. Jamie Farr. Tobe Hooper. Kirsty Allsopp and Phil Spencer. The Count from Sesame Street, 1, ha, ha, ha... 2, ha, ha, ha... guys oozes class!

My Blog

Interview with the vampire

I lot of people ask me, when I grace the stages for Q&A sessions at vampire conventions and during my many after dinner speaking engagements, why I appear in so few scenes in my own movie, 'Salem...
Posted by Kurt on Sat, 09 Jun 2007 06:26:00 PST

A nasty after-taste.

And another thing, while I think on about Goths, be they fat, thin or otherwise. What do they fucking want from me?  A mentor? I don't know how it is with you humans, but I'm pretty sure when yo...
Posted by Kurt on Sat, 24 Mar 2007 06:01:00 PST

Fat Goths

One of Death's great mysteries is why Goths are always so interested in becoming vampires. It's strange, but Goths are the only people who are pleased to meet me. They just can't wait. "Look at my de...
Posted by Kurt on Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:50:00 PST

You Cant Do Right For Doing Wrong

Sometimes I feel like I've been misrepresented. Take what happened with Father Donald Callahan for instance. I was new in town and word got around that he was having something of a crisis of faith. E...
Posted by Kurt on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 03:38:00 PST

Tolerance

No parent likes to see their child upset and it may surprise you that in that respect I am no different from any other. Yesterday my adoptive son, Ralphy, came home most upset. On one of his routine ...
Posted by Kurt on Mon, 29 Jan 2007 02:53:00 PST

WANT AD

Barlow and (formerly) Straker - Dealers in rare and rather special antiques for the collector.Following the sad demise of our long term partner, Richard Throckett Straker, an exciting opportunity has ...
Posted by Kurt on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:50:00 PST

Welcome

A brief note of welcome and thanks to all my new myspace friends, especially to those I have not yet visited in person, owing to their never being online. Not since the first screening of Tobe Hooper...
Posted by Kurt on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 10:33:00 PST

A New Beginning....

I won't lie to you.  I've had some personal set backs in the last couple years.  I lost some close friends after I moved to small town in Maine. It seemed like a nice enough neighbourho...
Posted by Kurt on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 01:40:00 PST