Making people laugh so hard they have to stand up, cross their legs and squeeze their butt cheeks together to keep from crapping their pants.
I also like confusing dogs, any food on a stick and New York.
- For starters the Brian Haley that was in That Darn Cat, that imposter nearly ruined me - the real Peter, Paul & Mary - the inventer of the Ab-Lounger - the head elf in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Harpo Marx - me just before I saw the movie The Aristocrats.....Click above to watch Clips of me from Carolines Comedy Hour Click above to see my Clio winning Miller Lite Super Bowl adMy First Tonight show with Johnny Carson
The Mosquitos are my favorite new band. Check 'em out. I love Sinatra more than anyone you know. The Grates are a blast to watch. Hot Hot Heat is good and I don't care if you think they aren't cool enough. Haven't you heard? Being cool isn't cool any more.There is a tribute band to the Talking Heads in New York called Losers Lounge. A bunch of different people get up and take turns singing. It's a great show. I want to sing "Animals" with them, one of my favorite T' Heads songs.
"I will ignore animals advice!"
You may know me from:
LITTLE GIANTS - I played Mike Hammersmith aka "Spikes Dad". My son Spike does pull ups on my arm. Very moving.BABY'S DAY OUT - John Hughes film where 3 dumb crooks (me, Joe Mantegna and Joe Pantoliano) kidnap a rich baby and it escapes, then we chase it all over Chicago. Okay, so it wasn't the smartest film ever made, but I am worshiped in India and (from what I have heard) The Dominican Republic.MARS ATTACKS - I was Mitch, the president's (Jack Nicholson) Secret Service agent. I take a death ray for the president. This greatly disturbed many of my fans who do not understand that movies are pretend.
I have done a bunch of other stuff, most of which can be seen on my IMDB profile at
I am frequently praised for my television work. Unfortunately, the people who praise me have absolutely no power to give me my own show. You may have seen me on:
WINGS - NBC TV series in the 90's. I replaced Lowell the Mechanic. My character was named Bud Bronski and I was much funnier than Thomas Hayden Church. That's what my agent told me.SUPER BOWL XXIX MILLER LITE AD - I played a quarterback that was on every winning team but never played. Very clever ad that won a Clio award. It should be on this site somewhere. If not, you can see it on Youtube.com.TONIGHT SHOW WITH JOHNNY CARSON - Man, what a rush that first show was. Better than anything I ever did (professionally) in my life. I did the show 4 times before Johnny left, well, 3 actually. I was bumped by Pat Benatar once. I know, Pat Benatar? That's what I was thinking.HBO ONE NIGHT STAND – A half hour HBO special I did at the Old Vic Theater in my favorite city, Chicago.MAGGIE WINTERS – A short lived sitcom on CBS staring Faith Ford. I played the bartender Tom Vanderhulst. Did not win any Emmys.
I have written a book that has not been published yet, but if you come to my live show I read portions of it. It is very motivating. It's called Life's Little Instruction Book for Losers.