Doris Norris - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I was first born in 1836 and again in 1917 in the little English hamlet of Much Stradling on the Naze in the woe-begotten county of Lincolnshire. My paternal father, Boetius, was a cheese mechanic and a leading light in the Lincs delta blues scene (the 'track', as you young folk call it, on my site comes from a series of cylinder recordings that he made which were dedicated to a selection of his local friends, though most of these were rodents). My mother ran away from the familial demesne shortly before my birth and I arrived at the Norris manse brown-paper wrapped in a parcel marked 'Return to Zenda'.Over the years all of my twenty-seven siblings, born in and out of successive wedlocks, fled from Lincolnshire, though several still hold high positions of office in governments as far-flung as Namibia and Ilkeston Town Council. I was left alone to administer the demesne which I transformed into the hugely successful SÃ©amus Tansey Theme Park. To this day thousands of visitors arrive at Much Stradling Manor eager to be abused and vilified by a host of flute-wielding atavists (admission Â£7.50; open all year except Jan-Dec Mon-Sun - highly recommended by the Rough Guide to Rutland; 'This is the place you really don't have to experience' - Let's Go to Lincs 1972). Despite my age I'm still voraciously active and have a sex life nonpareil in the county, though I have so far only managed to work my way through all the men listed between 'A' and 'D' in the Wainfleet area.

My Interests

Music:

Member Since: 11/6/2006
Band Website: None as yet.
Band Members: Doris Norris (Miss) - spoons, comb and v. refined luxury toilet paper, gurning, hats, and vocals.Horace Norris (reluctant brother) - stamping and Tourette's syndrome.Morris Norris (nephew) - shouting "Get orff my land!"Boris Norris (grand-nephew) - high flying comedy routines on BB2 quiz shows and MP for Much Fraternising-in-the-Wold.Cloris Norris - the less said the better!
Influences: Jam (preferably gooseberry), the complete works of Nobby Stiles (as translated by Bertrand Russell from the original Norwegian), postal ear-piercing, the Kama Sutra (Slovenian translation), whelks, anyone from Wainfleet and, oh, of course, dripping.
Sounds Like: A clogged drain in a kebab store's kitchen.
Record Label: Lunko International (Wainfleet) plc
Type of Label: Indie

My Blog

The Wind in My Sails

Well, it certainly was a whirlwind romance though it was Conchubar who performed most of the whirling and my good self who was left winded but always thirsting for more.I must admit that I was both su...
Posted by Doris Norris on Sat, 22 Sep 2007 10:22:00 PST

It Can Get Mighty Chilly in Sligo

Once Conchubhar Ó Foghladh had done spelling his name, which I must admit took at least thirty minutes, I suggested that he might like to make use of his clothes, neatly heaped upon the beach, a...
Posted by Doris Norris on Sat, 04 Aug 2007 11:19:00 PST

Fever Pitch

Having spent Saturday recovering from jetlag (a term which sound so much better than 'biliousness' or a 'dicky tummy'), brought on by my return to Ireland and Casey's far too rapid driving, I ha...
Posted by Doris Norris on Sun, 29 Jul 2007 10:45:00 PST

The return to normality, unfortunately!

Dearest readers,It seems like many moons ago that I last informed you of events in my life. Truth be told, until recently, there has been very little to report.That knock on the door which I mentioned...
Posted by Doris Norris on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:06:00 PST

La Vie en Rose

The charter flight to Domestos was as grotesque as I'd expected, but at least it wasn't Ryan Air so my baggage was there when I arrived and, fortunately, all the chavs from Ballymun were rapidly whisk...
Posted by Doris Norris on Fri, 15 Jun 2007 11:38:00 PST

Damn and balderdash

I'd thoroughly forgotten that my passport had been confiscated by those blasted boys with the peaked caps, so a quick foray down to Talbot Street and one of those little shops which advertises nothing...
Posted by Doris Norris on Sun, 10 Jun 2007 11:01:00 PST

Foreign climes

The Moynihan's address book certainly did provide the goods and I'm now off to spend two weeks sunning my gaol-whitened body in the halcyon location of the Greek island of Domestos where I hope to cat...
Posted by Doris Norris on Sat, 09 Jun 2007 10:47:00 PST

At last I am free

Well, the Moynihan laddo certainly came up with the goodies.I was enjoying a pleasant altercation in the showers this morning with 'Trundler' Ó Siochrú - all to do with a debate about who'd eaten the ...
Posted by Doris Norris on Mon, 04 Jun 2007 10:49:00 PST

Enough is Enough

Courtesy of Limerick prison's library computer (and the subterfuge of persuading one of my fellow inmates - Scuppers O'Reilly - to pour hot coffee over the warder's vital regions) I have become acquai...
Posted by Doris Norris on Wed, 30 May 2007 10:52:00 PST

It's the Shifty Show!

Greetings to all my many fans!Much as I welcome the multitude of gifts lavished upon me by your good selves, I must report that our chambers' general factotum, Ms. (as she insists) Ní uAllacháin is ab...
Posted by Doris Norris on Tue, 29 May 2007 11:29:00 PST