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The Caretaker

Y'ALL TAKE CARE NOW

About Me

I'm the Caretaker. And that really takes up most my time. Springtime is for digging out after the Winter snow-in. During the Summer, I take care of the cabins up here -- keeping them up, chopping a lot a wood, handling the rentals for the fishermen, hunters, hikers, campers, partiers, whoever -- that sort of thing. During the Fall I prepare for the Winter (that's a lot a work right there, but I got it down to a science, know exactly what I need and how much to get me through to the thaw). And, during the Winter, I sit here. I know it don't sound like much, but I like it. But, that's really just half my job. Ya see, well, I really don't wanna go into that right now. Maybe when I get to know y'all a little better. So, let's just say, every once in a while, when the conditions are right, it gets a little dangerous to be in this forest at night (that rhymes, I'll have to use it somewhere else). And, that's really when the Caretaker takes over.

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My Interests

Interests, huh, that's a tough one. Most the stuff I do I do cause I gotta. I hunt, but I hunt for food. (I don't kill what I eat, I kill cause I wanna eat. Ya see the difference?) And I don't go for the big trophy bucks, neither. I leave them alone cause they're big and beautiful like the mountains around here. Same when I fish. If I get a big one, I thank him for his time and put him back in the water. (Now, if that riles my new friends at Action for Animals, I'm sorry. But differences between friends is OK.) *** Anyway, I guess my only real hobby is looking for stuff out in the forest. There's all sorts a things that people left behind out there. The miners first came here in the mid-1800's and THOSE GUYS WERE PIGS. They left shit everywhere. For instance, I have paced out over 15 miles of barbed wire out there. Just laying on the ground. The hunters pulled out all the fence posts for firewood. But, once in a while I find something cool, especially when I look into a mine shaft I didn't know about. Check out my photos. I found both those knives hidden in old mine shafts. *** I guess now, talking to y'all is an interest. I just wanna keep it under control. I hear that the internet can be addicting. I remember about 3 years ago I read in the paper that a guy in South Korea dropped plum straight dead while playing an .. video game. He was at one a those internet cafes and he played this game for almost 2 days straight. No food, no drinking, no going to the toilet, nothing. Then, he just fell over, dead. So, take that as a word of warning from the Caretaker. That's what I'm here for.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet the right woman. For me, that's a girl who can strap one on and really knows how to use it. Now me, I carry a .357 Mag, mainly for the bears. The bears around here are pretty grumpy for some reason. Of course, if a buncha drunken fucks came into my home once a year and started shooting at me, I'd be pretty grumpy too. One year, a brown bear ate a guy's face clean off. I warn everybody not to sleep outside, but people don't seem to listen too good. I think this guy passed-out drunk 'cause that bear just wandered up and started munching. It pays to listen to the Caretaker.***I'd also like to meet Jack Torrance. Yeah, I know, he's a made-up character in a book and a movie (I ain't crazy, I just look it), but I'd like to ask him some questions. Me and him are in the same line of work. Me and him both spend the winter snowed in a confinded space (mine much smaller than his). Me and him both got spirits running around the place. Yet, he went crazy and tried to kill everyone and I haven't (yet?). Now, the only difference I can see is that he had his wife and kid with him. Hum? MAKE YOUR OWN CONCLUSION.

Music:

I'm a swinger. Honestly, I see a lot of you guys saying you're swingers, but I don't think you are. I mean, I hear the music you're playing and I ask myself, "How the hell can you swing to that?" Kids today must be fast on their feet. Anyway, I don't get to swing anymore, but I still like the Big Bands and the Jazz that came out of it. If you like the piano, ART TATUM is the only name to know.But, I like what I'm hearing out there. The college kids that come up to the forest listen to a lot of whimpy, whiny stuff. That's right, it's the same crap that was on that Smallville DVD set. It tries, but it's got no heart. It's got no passion. It's got no soul. Ha. Funny, that last one. Soul. There's a lot of thems running around this forest. Souls, that is.

Movies:

I get a lot of tapes and DVDs from the college kids. One time, they gave me Cabin Fever and The Shining. After watching them I thought maybe they were trying to tell me something. (You know, maybe those kids don't think I'm serious when I tell them things. I never thought of that. That would explain some of the things that have gone on up here.) Anyway, Cabin Fever was pretty disappointing. It wasn't even about Cabin Fever, it was about some stupid flesh eating bacteria. And, those weren't cabins, they were mansions at some lake resort somewhere. And, dag gummit, those kids were stupid. I hated all of them. If they were in my forest I woulda killed them myself. The Shining was much better. "HERE'S JOHNNY!" I like to use movie quotes. I can't wait to drop that one on somebody. Gotta be in context, though. That's the key to dropping a good movie quote. It's gotta be in context.***They gave me some TV shows on DVD too. Yeah know, some times I think I'm missing something by living in the forest all the time. But after watching The Real OC and Laguna Beach, I say, KEEP YOUR CRAZY, I GOT PLENTY OF MY OWN. Wait, that's close to another one of Jack's lines. How did it go? "Sell your crazy some place else, we're all full up here." Nah, that doesn't sound quite right.

Television:

I don't get reception up here in the forest. Can't get cable. Tried the dish, but the neighors didn't like it. They kept dropping in a bugging me. I think the electormagnetic waves attract the spirits. Anyway, all I got is a VCR and a DVD, hell I even got an old Beta in the cabin somewhere. You know it was the porn industry that made VHS kick Beta's ass? True. Porn used VHS, so if you wanted porn (and who doesn't?) you had to have a VCR.

Books:

I don't read many books. I save all the newspapers from the rest of the year and read them over the winter. I use candle or fire light to save on fuel for the generator. I do get some books from the college kids, though. I think they're books they had to read in class -- alot of Shakespere and literature. BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. I should ask for their old textbooks. You're never too old to learn, kids. One book I do like though, in fact, it's the only one I ever read twice. It's called ALL GOD'S CHILDREN: The Bosket Family and the American Tradition of Violence by Fox Butterfield. It's fascinating.

Heroes:

I like people with a real can-do attitude. People who ya just can't keep down, who never say die. People who just keep coming until they get what they want. Kinda like that guy Jason Voorhees. Talk about never say die. I'd like to meet him some day, but guys like him, you only meet once in your life. You know what I mean?