I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4 (or was it your mum?).
In 2006 a crack commando was being sent to prison for a crime he didn't commit (nearly).
This man promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the London underground.
Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire THE EDEN.
FOREWORD BY STEPHEN HAWKINS -
It's easy to classify Eden simply as someone who is habitually drunk and out of control;
as a man who openly courts trouble and danger.
To some degree this is true, but what he really is, is one of the last truely dangerous people.
He lives his life the way he wants to without concern for what anyone thinks.
This has (in some circles) led to him being labled a massive sociopath, a person, as a phsycopathic personality whose behaviour is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience, however, they are just bitter and jealous of his charming and powerfully magnetic personality, with which although he can bend the wills of men to do his bidding, he uses only for good not evil (mostly).
While this sort of behaviour often lands him in trouble, in the future Eden's antics will be viewed in an entirely different light. yes there was talk of 'rehab' and 'anger management', the mandatory visit to the phsychiatric ward and, worse, almost prison, but the man is a living legend, a last, lone god amongst men, London's finest champagne antisocialist, the world will be a darker, sadder place without him, be thankfulll you live in his time, HE'S A MOTHERFUCKING HERO, HE'S HERE TO SAVE LONDON AND HE MIGHT JUST CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
x Stephen Hawkins out.
"It's not so much a small world, as a massive Eden."
Ah,
I love Stephen Hawkins (or SHhhh as we used to call him,
well you would wouldn't you? that voice, talk about monotonous,
well not you Stephen please,
honestly, it's like having a conversation with the buzzer from univercity challenge).
And he was always droning on endlessly about stars and black holes and time travel, and he didn't sound the least bit interested,
I mean, if he'd just tried to make an effort, you know, put a bit of life into it,
but no, apparently he's too good for the phonetic scale, old proffesor one tone Hawkins,
and another thing,
he RUINED that barbershop quartet,
cunt.
Still, he writes a damnned good foreword I'll give him that,
well, I say he writes, obviously someone else does it for him,
he just licks it onto that magic tube they put in his mouth,
his wife'll copy it off the screen,
probably in the morning,
before she beats him and leaves him in the sun with the breaks on.
Lovely woman, always smiling.
x eden
The name's Eden, Mayor Eden, Massive Ego Warrior, License to Skill, OOC*.
*out of controll.
A MASSIVE PRINCE OF CATS,
EDEN IS INDISTRUCTABLE, YOU ARE NOT, REMEMBER THIS AND DO NOT TRY TO IMITATE HIM.
Charming but not to be trusted.
THE NATURE OF EDEN IS IRREPRESSIBLE.
YOUNG, GIFTED AND SLACK,
seeking solace in the bottle since '79,
1st Captain of the Wolves, faster than a country mile, and longer than a speeding bullet.
Three parts rum, three parts ginger beer, one part bitters, some limes, some ice, equal parts confidence and insecurity:-
Sweet with an underlying bitterness, will build you up, get you fucked, make you laugh, loosen your morals, lose your respect, and give you the occasional headache.
a formidable adversary and all round dangerous cat, don't cross me,
I never forget,
I never forgive,
and my hatred will set you on fire.
All the world's a mirror, and all the people reflections of me in it.
An unspeakably complicated fellow, I am a manifestation of my own fantasy.
Soy super bien.
I have a roving eye and even more adventurous fingers.
I kill my dinner with karate.
Obssessive Compulsive Attention Defecit Dissorder.
I CONSUME EVERYTHING.
I drink more than you,
sleep less than you,
don't get hangovers or comedowns like you,
I am nicer than cake.
I have killed a man with my bare eyes, FACT.
I am not a worker bee,
I am confidence,
I am five by five,
I can eat sixty eggs in under an hour,
I am constantly in trouble, of dubious moral standing, and very much fun.
Born a chronic dyslexic, I misspelt my youth sniffing ugle in the park, at the age of twelve I discovered that by staring directly into the sun I could turn myself into a forest.
A.K.A. Mr.Fahrenheit, Flash, and NicerThanCake Boy,
I've forgotten more than I ever knew.
Gentleman of leisure, scoundrel, and part time David Niven (mon-thurs).
I have the dirty powers to kill you up.
OBSESSIONS and PECULIARITIES -
The victorian era,
Buffy,
Veronica Mars,
my fork,
and mirrors, mirrors, mirrors (they're so shiney).
THINGS I HAVE LOST -
my keys,
my wallet,
my memory,
my balance,
my virginity,
my way,
my sense of decency,
the respect of my peers,
my head,
my heart,
some teeth,
many bets,
one testicle,
others patience,
the giant fucking tumours in my stomach and lung,
my mortal soul,
a fiddle contest with the devil,
my right to remain silent,
my right to an attorney,
my court case.
- If any of the above are found (all are quite useless without the owner) please hand them in to the nearest police station (apart from my virginity, which I assure you you may keep, and perhaps the tumours.) you may even earn yourself a Comunity Action Trust reward.
It's not a question of when's he going to stop,
but what's going to stop him..?
IN THE BEGGINING WAS THE WORD, AND THE WORD WAS EDEN.
HELL WANTS HIM,
HEAVEN WONT TAKE HIM,
LONDON NEEDS HIM.
FATE MADE HIM A WARRIOR,
CIVIC RESPONSIBILITY MADE HIM A HERO.
HE CAN TASTE YOUR FEAR,
SMELL YOUR THOUGHTS,
SEE YOUR DESIRE,
AND EAT YOUR DINNER.
THE EIGHTH WONDER OF THE WORLD,
HIS WHOLE LIFE IS A MILLION TO ONE SHOT.
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD,
YOU WANT THE EDEN..?
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE EDEN.
The Boy
The Girl
The Eden
For all legal matters please consult my trusty second in command, general dicer
with death and all round attorny at large Mr.Roland 'greased cougar' Henry,
and check out his mad law skills (they are dope, and totally rad).
