"THE VOICE" MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO'S TOP 10 COMMENTARY LINES OF 2007
1. "Feitosa is a nice Brazilian... I like a nice Brazilian... I used to tell my ex-girlfriend that all the time."
2. "There are two things I know for sure: Britney Spears will never win Mother of The Year and Albert Kraus didn't win that fight!"
3. "He went swimming last week and Japanese whaling boats began firing harpoons at him."
4. "He's been on his back more than my ex-girlfriend."
5. "He wears more hair product than Bon Jovi."
6. "I'm so excited I've got goosebumps on my arm... or some other sort of strange growth."
7. "There are no windows in Mighty Mo's house. If he wants to let a breeze in he just punches a hole in the wall."
8. "He's a stud... there are no such things as lesbians in the world, just women who haven't met Paul Slowinski yet."
9. "He's so tall giraffes are attracted to him."
10. "He's so short he could milk a cow standing up. You know he went to Tokyo Disneyland last week and they wouldn't let him on any of the rides."
"Check this out! A newspaper story in the Townsville Bulletin about sports commentators... including "THE VOICE" MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO"... I'm FLATTERED by what the journalist wrote... click on the image and have a read!!!
"THE VOICE" MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO'S Upcoming Schedule
* K-1 MAX Japan -- TOKYO, February 2
* K-1 Grand Prix Hungary -- BUDAPEST SPORTS ARENA, February 9
* DREAM -- MMA -- March 15, SAITAMA SUPER ARENA, Japan
* K-1 MAX Final 16 -- April 9, HIROSHIMA GREEN ARENA, Japan
* THE CONTENDER FINALE -- Singapore Arena, April 12, SINGAPORE
* K-1 Yokohama Grand Prix -- YOKOHAMA ARENA, April 13
* K-1 European Grand Prix -- AMSTERDAM ARENA, April 26
* DREAM.2 MIDDLEWEIGHT GRAND PRIX -- SAITAMA SUPER ARENA, Japan, April 29
* DREAM.3 LIGHTWEIGHT GRAND PRIX SECOND ROUND -- SAITAMA SUPER ARENA, Japan, May 11
* DREAM.4 -- Yokohama Arena, Japan, JUNE 15
* K-1Grand Prix Event -- FUKUOKA, June 29
* K-1 MAX FINAL 8 -- Tokyo Budokan Arena, July 7
* K-1 GP in TAIWAN - July 13
* 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES -- BEIJING, CHINA, August 2 - 27
* K-1 Final Elimination -- SEOUL, KOREA, September 27
* K-1 World Grand Prix final -- YOKOHAMA, JAPAN, December 6
* K-1 Dynamite -- OSAKA, JAPAN, December 31
"THE VOICE" MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO IN THE TOWNSVILLE BULLETIN
AUGUST 2007
By Ben Vernon -- Townsville Bulletin
IN many ways it must be a hard job calling sport on television.
And I mean the person calling the actual game, not the knob-end ..colour man' sidekick.
That's a piece of piss. If you're Phil Gould, for instance, you can just watch while Ray Warren does all the
work and shout things like ....Unbelievable!'' occasionally and say crap like: ....I first saw this kid playing in the under-5s for Mareeba and I knew he was going to be special''.
No, I'm talking about the guys that actually call the game.
I'm not a huge fan of AFL but one of the best in the business is Dennis Cometti.
The man that gave us such classic moments as: ....Barlow to Bateman. The Hawks are attacking alphabetically ... ,'' when describing Melbourne star Adem Yze: ....Terrific player, terrible scrabble hand'' and: ....Exquisite goal by Glendinning. That was a Rock Hudson kick – looked straight but it wasn't''.
In other, Cometti-less, football codes one has to rely on horrific mistakes for entertaning commentary. How about this gem from a Kiwi rugby commentator: ....Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him''.
I don't think they'll playing that version of the game in heaven! But Test cricket – five gruelling seven-hour days that dribblers and former players feel compelled to fill with gibber – is arguably the most fertile ground for
commentary genius.
BBC commentator Brian Johnston came up with this alarming report in the early 80s as West Indies fast bowler Michael Holding came in to bowl to English all-rounder Peter Willey: ....The bowler's Holding, the
batsman's Willey''.
And this gem as Pommy captain and fast bowler Bob Willis took himself off after a spirited opening spell: ....The England captain has relieved himself at the pavilion end.''
And you can't go past the emperor of understatement, Richie Benaud, who came up with this one after Kim
Hughes copped one in the nether regions: ........ and Kim Hughes returns to the crease with one ball remaining''.
But my favourite Benaud moment was when Pakistan skipper Wasim Akram lost the toss and yelled the F word frustration to a live TV audience. Without a pause, deadpan and drier than the Simpson desert, Benaud said: "Interesting to note, isnt it, that the word for extreme disappointment the same in English as it is in Urdu.'' They just don't make them like that any more.
But there is a new kid on the block – a commentator of such wit and descriptive genius he makes Oscar Wilde seem like a monosyllabic moron. His name is Michael Schiavello and it's likely not many of you have heard of him because he commentates on kick-boxing, but he is destined to become one of the greats.
Schiavello has a tremendous gift for simile.
I watched two kickboxing tournaments, purely to listen to this bloke's work, and this is the sort of stuff he comes up with in the quieter moments ..."He's working more angles than a protractor and got more moves
than a chessboard', ..he's got more combinations than a Chinese takeaway, he's put on more strikes than a builder's union, he's all over him like a fat kid on a cupcake'.
But when one of the fighters is receiving some punishment is when Schiavello truly comes into his own.
....He's copped more jabs than a typhoid clinic, he's worn more leather than the Village People, he's taken more hits than Google, he's been scored on more times than my ex-girlfriend, he's taken more battering than a piece of flake, left himself more exposed than Janet Jackson's right nipple, taken more knocks than a front door, more hits than the Beatles/a pinata/a blackjack table, more kicks than a chorus line'' and on one memorable occasion when a fighter accidentally got kicked in the pills he came up with this: ....I hope he wanted to be a farmer because he's just picked up a couple of achers.''
CHECK THIS OUT:
MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO'S HILARIOUS INTERVIEW WITH INFINITEMMA.COM click here to read it: http://zine.infinitemma.com/index.php?page=michael-schiavell
o-interview---june-2007
MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO'S INTERVIEW ON 1116 SEN SPORTS RADIO click here to listen: http://www.sportzblitz.com.au/international-kickboxer/forump
ics/michael%20schiavello.mp3
YOU CAN NOW FIND "MICHAEL SCHIAVELLO" ON FACEBOOK.COM
TRAILER FOR K-1 MAX LIVE ON MAIN EVENT MONDAY JULY 7 2008
LISTEN TO THE SONG "THE BIG KABOSH" PRESS PLAY!!!
THE FINALE OF THE CONTENDER ASIA -- SNEAK PEAK HERE!
MASATO vs BUAKAW at the K-1 Max October 2007
MAIN EVENT will broadcast the K-1 MAX LIVE for the first time ever on MONDAY JULY 7... check out the AWESOME TRAILER!
SCHIAVELLO vs CASTAGNINI
The Verbal Battles...
They're best of mates off the air but they bicker, banter and take cheapshots at each other on the air.
"People always come up to us asking 'Do you guys actually like each other?' because we're always hanging shit on one another. We push the boundaries a fair bit," says Schiavello.
SOME OF SCHIAVELLO and CASTAGNINI'S CLASSIC ON-AIR TRADES
SCHIAVELLO SAYS...
1. "Close your mouth or you're gonna attract flies!"
2. "You know Hammer when you were fighting you were my second favourite fighter... everyone else tied for first."
3. "When you were at school Hammer your English teacher asked you what came at the end of a sentence and you answered 'parole'."
4. "We've got over 750 friends on myspace. You're finally the popular kid Hammer!"
5. "Wait, my phone's ringing. It's Pee Wee Herman. He wants his sense of humour back."
6. "Gee Hammer, you're getting all Brokeback Mountain on Benny Ritter."
7. "No Hammer, Cobra was NOT the best movie ever made."
8. "Hey Hammer, how do you spell I.Q.?"
CASTAGNINI SAYS...
1. "I'm gonna kill you Schiavello."
2. "You won't think so when I elbow you in the head."
3. "The only thing you know is a buffet."
4. "If it weren't for pick-pockets you'd have no sex life."
5. "My homophobic side has to question a man who looks at mens bodies like you do."
6. "You've got wood" (comment made when Schiavello started waxing lyrical about UK fighter Steve Wakeling)