David S. Lewis, Journalist - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I have made my way around the country a few times now. I believe that many of the people who have know me find me a well-mannered, even genteel young man. Others have described me as a dangerous lunatic. I keep a machete and a speargun in my car because I like to finish off and eat animals injured by automobiles. I a journalist for a small paper in upstate New York. I didn't go to college. Perhaps you did. That's good for you. I bet I am smarter. I can be a bit rowdy; I just set a pillow on fire and threw it off the balcony of my motel because the proprietor wouldn't give me extra toilet paper. I am Tuco; I am the Ugly and I may not win, may not get all the gold, but I will get at least half of it and by God, they will remember me a Good Shot. I am a member of the V.F.W. and at night, large moths flock around me, squealing and chirping, flecks of gold-dust coming off their wings and settling on my shoulders like dandruff of the gods. I set goals, and I accomplish them. I achieved my goal of becoming a staff reporter a few weeks ago. I have already destroyed two motel rooms and three new relationships, every paycheck received, and ran my car into a ditch. I have new goals for this summer: I want to finish my first book and I want to punch a black bear in the face.

My Interests

Literature, playing shitty hillbilly music (see David S. Lewis, Country Music Legend), journalism, art, aggressive post-modernism, fistfighting wild animals

I'd like to meet:

people who aren't afraid of random, unjustified violencepeople who aren't deterred by the discharge of a firearm inside a moving vehicle

Heroes:

Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, John Adams, Samuel Adams...you see where I am going with this...if the founding father were awoken today, they would stumble around, figure out cars, find their guns, and do it again. My brother is a hero of mine, for taking care of business. I am not always very good at that, but he is. Robert E. Lee and Dr. K Chamberlain

My Blog

Weird things happen to my balls

Something unspeakable happened this afternoon. I am sorely confused, and the actual circumstances are hazy, but the outcome was memorable: I was giving the newsroom a (very slightly drunken) rant an...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Wed, 28 May 2008 05:32:00 PST

Letters to Madre

Hola, Madre, I have good news; I got a gig playing at a local bar on Sundays, for $50 a pop, plus beer and food. I am really excited to get another $200 a month, AND holler at people and tell them w...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:52:00 PST

Sick Ramblings of a Reporter Trying to Cope

"Drinking on the job, D.S.?" asked the hilltowns reporter, Will. ...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Tue, 22 Apr 2008 06:10:00 PST

For my Friend, Sallita (mostly)

This is for Sally, mostly, because she is the one of you best able to appreciate it. Sally has been here. She is no stranger whatever to the intensity of the gun duel. Sally is a bandita of the fir...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:35:00 PST

The Mann from Yuck Falls

I strongly encourage you to befriend The Mann From Yuck Falls. You should all find a way to get ahold of the Gospel album he and Miss Sarah Asher just released. I say this because I know y...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Sat, 05 Apr 2008 04:40:00 PST

For those of you keeping up with the Short, Happy Life of David S. Lewis

Guys, if I weren’t so goddamned busy right now, you would all have letters from me...as it is, I am gong to continue to post some of my correspondence so everyone can see what I am up to. ...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Sat, 29 Mar 2008 01:21:00 PST

Correspondence between myself and my former Editor at the Columbus Post

This is kind of weird, but it is both my way of expressing a frustration and also updating everyone on what I have been doing.Feel Free to go read my front page story for my new paper at altamontenter...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:44:00 PST

The Compleat Guide to Freelance Journalism (kudos to anyone who can tell me the title reference

Dear David S. Lewis, I am wildly in awe of you. You are like Studs Terkel or Mr. Spock; a self-made man. I am a.) in love with you b.) outside your door, licking the knob and c.) very curi...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Fri, 21 Mar 2008 07:32:00 PST

To My Columbus Friends

To everyone that showed up at Vic’s...You are beautiful people, and I will miss all of you far more than I ever let on. Stay out of my booth; the four-top closest to the register. Th...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Thu, 20 Mar 2008 08:33:00 PST

On Dueling by David S. Lewis

I pulled my cuff-link out and rolled up my sleeve. The blood was forming quite a pool on the table; the white fabric of my shirt had large reddish-brown splotches all ove...
Posted by David S. Lewis, Journalist on Thu, 13 Mar 2008 11:01:00 PST