Nick Benoitschwitz profile picture

Nick Benoitschwitz

About Me



so this crate arrives at my house. it had all kinds of crazy lettering on it..they looked more like question marks made out of triangles or rubix cubes with assholes painted on them then any kind of letters i've ever seen.anyways, i sign for the package, and the delivery guy leaves. the box than starts to shake and i hear a voice that sounds like Diamanda Galas falling down an elevator shaft while reciting latin prayers. it's coming from the box! i go to the tool shed and look for something to open the box and i find a chainsaw, and my eyes zoom in on it like "Evil Dead". i come running out to the front with this chainsaw, wearing a rainbow ski-mask (the same one i wear when i'm out stalking roller derby girls). apparently the sound of the chainsaw engine and my cougar-fart screams gave this woman more than enough terror-sweat to slip out of a crack in the crate.she was a sight to behold...even with the splinters in her face. about 5 ft. 3, 89 lbs, black hair, face like Zoe Lund's funeral. she had tarantula-leg-dreads with sporadic death's head-shaped yellow spots , bone-color nail polish at the tips of fingers, a red-chainmail mini-skirt, pickle-green lipstick, knee-high leather boots with 6 inch pewter dragons at the knees, and a nose-ring in the shape of Robert Shaw getting eaten by a shark. she had no panties under the chainmail skirt..her vagina looked, as Bill Hicks would say; "like a whisp of cotton candy framing a paper cut". she had a snow globe which had a tiny figure of a naked Harvey Kietel crying. she threw it at me. all i remember after that was waking up with Bad Lt. covered in my rectal trauma.i didn't so much as "sleep with her" as i did "get knocked unconscious with a snow-globe and raped with an action figure by a crust-chick/bush-woman hybrid".and that woman was my FATHER.

Myspace is fucking retarded and won't let me link my blogs or anything else apparently. i hate this fucking place. copy and paste, assholes;
http://bricksaredelicious.blogspot.com/ - writing blog
http://masochistian.blogspot.com/ - bullshit blog

THE COMMUNION will be appearing on this compilation. all the proceeds go to no-kill animal shelters.

My Interests

pageantry of the trans-mundane. being unfashionable, challenging, unfriendly, ugly, anti-entertaining, overly critical, and confrontational for no real reason. and also ah-thisss;

Music:

Ugly Metal. Real Hardcore. Pre-Punk. No-Wave. Heady Prog. Depressing and/or Dreamy Shoegaze. Pre-Goth. Harsh Noise. Film Scores. Excessively Violent/Radical/Drugged Out Hip-Hop. Sardonic Noise Rock. Pop Music Footnotes. Cryptic Folk/Indie Rock. Non-Mall Industrial. Sad Girls with Pretty Voices. anything interesting. my YouTube profile RecordNerd Profile

Movies:

Creepy Art-House. Dated Slasher Films. Underground Cinema. Japanese and Korean horror/drama/mystery. Gangster/Crime Films. Midnight Movies. Reaganomics!-era Action Films. Porn that's not too soft but not too snuff. Revenge Movies.

Television:

comedy. wrestling. true crime. cartoons. cable.

Books:

Sentiment-Deficient Poetry. Psychology of Dreams. Serial Killer Biographies. Gory Erotica/Erotic Gore. Classic Literature. Music History/Appreciation. Graphic Novels. Existentialism. Downtown NYC from the 70s-mid 90s.

Heroes:

*clicks heels together* I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. I don't believe in you. 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My Blog

there are music everywhere/horrorcopes: possibly NOT complete horseshit?

AH CAMA-SOTZ , THOSE POOR BASTARDS , THE HANDSOME FAMILY , DARVULIA , SCHLOSS TEGAL , A MURDER OF ANGELS , THE ROHAN THEATRE BANDWednesday, November 14, 2007 Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19) ...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 12:41:00 PST

Americans Demand Increased Governmental Protection From Selves

Americans Demand Increased Governmental Protection From SelvesNEW YORKAlarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation ...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Wed, 07 Nov 2007 10:44:00 PST

4 Day Manowar Festival

http://www.magiccirclefestival.com/ --> --> --> m -->" 4 days of unlimited metal madness" 20,000 free beers" 20,000 free copies of the new MANOWAR single" 4 Custom Built Choppers owned by MANOWAR band...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Tue, 06 Nov 2007 02:15:00 PST

Tales from the Craig’s List

RE: 40's and dating Date: 2007-10-11, 11:29AM MDT I am a man in my 40s and dating. I was married and against my wishes the marriage ended. I loved my wife deeply, she decided she no longer loved m...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:37:00 PST

Random Acts of YouTube

Sexy Lobster...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Mon, 29 Oct 2007 09:02:00 PST

20 "Scary" albums

because it's Halloween and i'm bored and unable to sleep. No Particular Order.1.DIAMANDA GALAS - Plague Mass2. SUICIDE - s/t3. TEENAGE JESUS AND THE JERKS - Discography4. SCOTT WALKER - The Drift5. OX...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Sat, 27 Oct 2007 12:01:00 PST

Random Acts of YouTube

His Fat Tits Don't Lieif you think i won't masturbate to this video...you're wrong. ....DEAD wrong....
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Fri, 26 Oct 2007 01:57:00 PST

Surveys? Surveys will be taken care of.

Tired of answering the same old questions on myspace surveys? Here's a 100% original survey of new, never before asked questions.1. How do you think your last ex deserves to die? - she doesn't. bah-zi...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 07:00:00 PST

well this made me feel better about myself;

  In Debt We Trust (2006)Director: Danny Schechter Rating Product Description Just a few decades ago, owing more money than you had in your bank account was the exception, not the ru...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Tue, 16 Oct 2007 10:54:00 PST

TRANSMORPHERS: Robots Mildly Concealed!

DVD Review: TransmorphersPosted Jul 4th 2007 8:01PM by Scott WeinbergFiled under: Action & Adventure, Independent, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, DVD Reviews, Cinematical IndieYep, there's actually a movie...
Posted by Nick Benoitschwitz on Fri, 12 Oct 2007 11:02:00 PST