Lucille to Tobias:You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.
Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.
George Michael: You know, you don’t have to stick around. I could just work late tonight. It doesn’t matter, ’cause, you know, my girlfriend Ann, she’s out of town. Which is actually kind of lucky in the end, ’cause all these guys would be coming on to her.
Maeby: Yeah, you really dodged a bullet there.
G.O.B.: Well, gee, I didn’t think the woman I’d be checking out at spring break would be Mom.
Buster: She’s better looking than the whores you date.
G.O.B.: Don’t call my escorts “whores.â€
Buster: Mom’s still got it!
G.O.B.: I don’t date whores!
[Lindsay, GOB, Buster, Michael & Tobias discussing girls gone wild type of films] Lindsay: No, how would you like it? Actually, that’s not a bad idea. I should turn the tables on men and see how they like being objectified. Men with low self-esteem. Get their clothes off.
Tobias: That is a great... (Grunts.) That is a great social statement. I shall get the video camera. This is ripe for parody. This is ripe.
[Lucille and Kitty having a drink off at a bar during spring break]
Lucille: Tell you what. I’ll drink you for it.
Kitty: I heard you don’t handle your booze so well anymore.
Lucille: So this should be easy for you. (takes a shot) That one didn’t count.
Lucille: Just let me know when you’re ready, dear.
College students: (Yelling.) She’s mixing!
[footage of tobias trying on a speedo with his cut-offs on]
Tobias: Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?
Maeby Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the T on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby Funke: Across from where?
Buster: Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me!
Annyong: Go Fatty.
[after being declined entrance in to a high end restaurant]
Lindsay Funke: Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite.
Lucille Bluth: Oh, who's gonna believe that?
Tobias: Then per chance I might be able to borrow your cellular telephone?
GOB: I'm not fit to run a company, I don't deserve a fancy phone.
Tobias: Well the Blueman group might need me, and I do deserve a fancy phone.
[Tobias tosses phone in the air, it lands in the sink]
Narrator: They didn't, and he doesn't.
GOB: You mean the guy we are meeting with can't even grow his own hair? COME ON!
[Discussing a new housing project] Stan Sitwell: The only thing I ask is that out of the 450 homes we build, 1 be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city. GOB: That's great, so the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we're saying? COME ON!
Lucille: Get me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a peice of toast.
[Thinking of a way to get Buster out of the army]
Oscar: I feel that we have not brought something up that might be a solution. Um, just spare my feelings.
Lucille: Send you in his place? I called, they don't want you back.
Michael: Your Uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No. No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.
Michael: Yeah, that makes sense.
Tobias Fünke: Good news, everyone! I recently came into some money, but unfortunately, I cant say how or where my wedding ring is...
George Sr.: [George Sr. is hiding in the attic, Michael brings him some food] Does Pop-pop get a treat?
Michael: No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a fucking pizza!