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HotFreeLayoutsI’m a retrosexual.
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, pays for the date.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual DEALS with sh*t. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself..
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff.
A Retrosexual knows how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness to impress a woman. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wuss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak woodchipper accident. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH SH*T. When you messed he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just do a shot?
A Retrosexual doesn't get squeamish about having to DEAL with a pest animal, even if he has to kill it.
A Retrosexual does NOT use unisex perfume. The brand of after shave his dad used is good enough for him.
Retrosexuals build and fix stuff. If you can't change a light switch, install a ceiling fan, fix a broken toilet or build a tree house, learn how.
A Retrosexual teaches his children how to deal with bullies in a way that doesn't involve "examining the other child's motivation for aggressiveness."
A Retrosexual does not wear designer clothing (unless it’s a suit).
A Retrosexual knows what sex is and doesn't need a Democrat to define it for him.
A Retrosexual meets the young men his daughter she dates at the door and lets them know that Dad is the barrier method that will prevent the young man from attempting to get into his daughter's pants.
A Retrosexual man owns an adequate variety of tools to accomplish whatever his next task might be. He has command over all he owns and can readily describe his next likely tool purchase. A rolling toolbox of at least his own height is a manly minimum.
A Retrosexual man is not to be reckoned with lightly. He possesses the ability to deal with it and if you happen to be "it" then you should watch your tone or be dealt with accordingly.
A Retrosexual man does not take advantage of lesser individuals simply because he can, but should he witness another attempting the same he’ll have little mercy on said bully.
A Retrosexual man doesn’t care if you agree with him or not. His opinion his not changed to suit the ears of the local audience.
A Retrosexual man does not care to be bothered with the annoying nuances of being politically correct.
A Retrosexual man not only knows about guns and ammunition but also is a skilled marksman. Do not take him lightly, dying slowly is a lot more painful and he knows it.
A Retrosexual man can master any vehicle that he happens across, be it on land, snow, water or air, 2 wheels, 3 wheels, 4 wheels, 18 wheels, or no wheels.
A Retrosexual man does not add fancy chrome where it is not needed for essential metal protection.
A Retrosexual man can use a knife. Any knife. And his knives are always sharp. His preferred pocket knife is the Swiss army knife but not the fancy ass version that contains 47 blades, a magnifying glass and two shades of lip gloss. One with a main blade, a saw blade, a can opener, a beer opener and a corkscrew will suffice. He can routinely use his knife to create things or to destroy things, all with equal aplomb.
A Retrosexual man understands sports. Not all sports but all essential sports. Who gives a sh*t about jai alai or women’s curling or even the esoteric aspects of cricket and don’t get me started on that crap called rhythmic gymnastics. He can explain the strategies of the 2 minute drill. He is at least marginally capable of playing virtually any sport or game that involves the use of a ball.
A Retrosexual man doesn’t mind getting dirty. A little dirt never hurt anyone. Only girls and whiny metrosexuals are paranoid about dirt. Antibacterial soap is highly overrated and he is not inclined to use it without a compelling reason. A man can do without washing their hands every fifteen minutes.
A Retrosexual man is personally responsible for all aspects of his life and doesn’t seek to blame others for the wrongs and injustices in his life. He deals with them.
A Retrosexual man is in touch with his feelings and he doesn’t feel obliged to share them with some nosy female who wants him as her emotional companion. That’s what her girlfriends are for. Leave him alone and he’ll tell you when it’s OK to interrupt.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small penis. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with sh*t. Plus it's just fun to shoot.
WOMEN - KNOW YOUR LIMITS!!
