KungFuMonkey

About Ian: If you dont know me by now, u will never, never, never know me...unless of course you read the following.

Served up below are 10 crispy coated "Fact Nuggets" fresh from the buffet of my mind. Mmmm...nice.
9 of the nuggets have been served from the platter of TRUTH. The remaining nugget has fallen from the table of LIES. See if you can guess which one...I think you will be pleasantly suprised...

1) I am a student of Zoology at the University of Newcastle Upon Tyne. I can talk to the animals, which comes in handy. (They do not talk back).
2) I bow to no man in my love of the monkey. If my future involves monkeys, then I will be happy.
3) When I was 12 I got a black belt in Karate. To this day I have retained the power to kill a man with my belly button.
4) I learned to speak German at school. I can still say "My Hamster has had a nervous breakdown." I forgot the rest.
5) My least favourite things in the world are onions, hypocrites and most electrical appliances (...the ones that should work properly, making my life simpler, but never do. With their endless wires, tangling, silently taunting me. See how I shake my fist in their direction).
6) My favourite part of a water buffalo is the hoof.
7) I have an irrational fear of visiting the hairdressers.
8) My favourite game is dodging old people whilst walking at full speed thru Marks and Spencer. The game is over when I am forced to stop moving . My current record is 1 minute 35 seconds. You wont beat it. Dont even try.
9) There is a tiny man living in my sock draw. He refuses to talk to me.
10) I am an elfin prince sent back thru time and space to prevent the coming of the squirrel revolution, the enslavement of humanity by the squirrel hordes and the destruction of the planet at the hands of the Dark Lord Squirrel Nutkins. I am mankinds one true hope.
Now you know. But do you really know? Take my test and find out…go on, it’ll take your mind off the relentless futility of life for 5 minutes.