Irish Women Against Abuse - ProfilesArchive

About Me

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I've created this page as a resource for irish women to find information on verbal, physical and emotional abuse.
We are all aware that such abuse exists in Ireland, but what I hope to provide here is information for Irish women who are involved in such relationships, know friends or family who are victims of such abuse, or would like to know more about abuse, why it happens, how victims cope, and how victims become victims.
I will also be adding book recommendations, website recommendations along with as much useful information as possible.
You may believe that you will never be a victim of such abuse, you may believe that you are too strong to be a victim. I know I did. But, there is a myth that bullies and abusers target the weak, in my experience the opposite is true, bullies and abusers will target you to make you as weak as they are.
I am a therapist in training, not qualified as yet. I am however a former victim and am currently involved in womens groups and voluntary organisations for abuse victims. Please feel free to message me with any queries, I can only advise from personal experience or give useful numbers/websites to help you on your path of discovery.

My Interests

I believe I became a victim of abuse because I had suffered from extremely low self-esteem since childhood.
I had heard of the term before, but didn't realise how important it was until I read more about it.
I would URGE any woman who comes across this page to please read about self-esteem and ask yourself if you may suffer from low self-esteem.

Please see my recommended books list and blogs for more information.

Please also read my blog on Codependency above.

Early Warning Signs of an Abuser
*Makes fun of you in public saying he's only "joking"
*Insist on being exclusive early on *Insist on knowing your darkest secrets right away
*Spilling his guts to you right away
*Plays the "wounded puppy" card. (i.e. "All my ex's were evil! And I'm so scared to get hurt again.")
*Says no one has ever "understood" him as well as you
*Calls an ex-girlfriend "crazy" or "a bitch" *Says he hasn't been with a woman in a long time and you are the first he has been interested in
*Comes over when you say you're busy
*Calling repeatedly
*Expresses jealousy early on
*Asks many questions about your sexual history
*Invades your privacy: going through your purse/drawers
*Checks your caller id/asnwering machine
*Demands knowing where you are if you say no to a date
*He likes you because you seem "feisty"
*Interrupts you often
*Seems too eager to please
*Tickles/wrestles when you keep telling him to stop
*Doesn't talk much about his family or his past
*Doesn't talk about himself much.
*Still lives with his mother at an inappropriate age and she seems controlling or passive.
*Wants sex or other affection way too early
*Gives your friends 3rd degree each time he sees them
*Doesn't care if you're too tired to go out/talk/have sex
*Laughs at things not appropriate to laugh about
*Changes moods easily
*Doesn't let you hang around his friends much, if at all (because he may need to tell them how 'crazy' you are later)
*Paranoid you're going out with someone else
*Says he doesnt get along with members of his family.

***5 or more characteristics = High risk of abuse***

I'd like to meet:

This site is dedicated to Irish Women, however women from any country are welcome here. Failte.

I am very grateful for your support, please do take the time to read the blogs and look around the page, I'm sure you may learn something you didn't know before that may help you in the future.

To those of you who've asked how you can support us here, please grab the code below to add a banner to your page! Thanks.

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Books:

Codependent No More - Melodie Beattie
The Rules - Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
Help Yourself - Dave Pelzer
Men who hate women and the women who love them - Susan Forward
How to raise your self-esteem - Nathaniel Branden
He's just not that into you - Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Verbal Abuse Healing the Hidden Wound - Dr. Grace Ketterman
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing - Beverly Engel
Creating Self-Esteem - Lynda Field
The Drama of being a child - Alice Miller
The road less travelled - M. Scott Peck
People of the Lie - M. Scott Peck
The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself - Beverly Engel
Help Yourself for Teens: Real-Life Advice for Real-Life Challenge - Dave Pelzer (I got my 17 year old niece to read this one, she says its given her a big confidence boost)
Happy Reading!

Heroes:

www.allaboutcounseling.com

http://www.irish-counselling.ie

My Blog

How one cold, calculated killing cheapens all our values

Hi All, I have thus far held back on commenting on the trial of Joe O'Reilly, for several reasons. But, mostly, because I didn't want to sensationalise or make this story unique...because, in a way I ...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Mon, 20 Aug 2007 05:18:00 PST

Helping a friend or family member

Do you know someone who is being abused by a boyfriend or partner in a relationship? Here are some ideas on how to provide support to a friend or someone in your family. (Parents should also read the ...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 05:43:00 PST

Ashley's Story.

Ashley's Story *********** I hid out for the first six years, then I began speaking out, when your partner is "the law" it's a lot harder escaping the hell you call home. My goal for this year is to m...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Mon, 14 May 2007 02:15:00 PST

Perpetrators, Bystanders and the Unthinkable

Taken from www.myspace.com/abusersexposed To study psychological trauma is to come face to face both with human vulnerability in the natural world and with the capacity for evil in human nature...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Thu, 26 Apr 2007 08:48:00 PST

The blog where I speak my mind! (Controversial??) AKA - Ignorance and Cowardice.

Greetings, Well today I am angry. Because today for the umpteenth time I have spoken to someone who knew someone was being abused and didn't do anything about it. Why? Oh, the usual excuses: "Its noth...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 09:31:00 PST

My Story.

I was born and brought up in Dublin. I am the second youngest in my family. I have two older brothers, one younger sister and two older sisters. My family would have been considered just your ave...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 06:59:00 PST

Full commentary of narcissistic traits.

Taken from this website: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#contra Girls and guys...if you have ever been involved with a person you suspect of having NPD this will chill you to the bone!...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Tue, 06 Feb 2007 08:50:00 PST

Emotional abuse definition in wikipedia

Emotional abuse refers to a long-term situation in which one person uses his or her power or influence to adversely affect the mental well-being of another. Emotional abuse can appear in a variety of ...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Sun, 17 Dec 2006 05:32:00 PST

An open letter to her abuser:

****************************************************I was too selfish, I was too giving. I didn't try hard enough, I tried too hard. I was too feisty, I was too soft. I was too pretty, I was too ugly....
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Sun, 17 Dec 2006 05:29:00 PST

Ambient Abuse.

Ambient abuse is the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves, until it is too late. Ambient abuse penetrates and permeates ever...
Posted by Irish Women Against Abuse on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 08:41:00 PST