Nicole profile picture

Nicole

in·tro·spect [in-truh-spekt] verb (used without object) 1. to practice introspection; consider one

About Me

I draw too many pictures, take too many photos, make a mess, and stack unstack ables. I smoke too much and am caffeinated -- always. I am distracted, fragmented, introverted, an overly rational thinker, and hard to manage... as noted by many. I watch, am solitary; distanced -- but I know you very well. Sleep doesn't come easy or welcomed -- most times. I create what I dream. I am a passive, quasi-misanthropic social fiend. I strongly value my privacy, and while I will be brutally honest about myself, people don't know as much about me as they may think. I affix random metallic objects to other random objects. My stubbornness will piss you off, and I've had years of practice. I have never felt before as I do now about the world around me. I can find beauty in even the most hideous of things... and I am aware that beauty is all around me. You can take me to be kind, you can take me to be cruel, but I only treat people as they deserve to be treated, judged by their treatment of me or by their actions otherwise.I have lost and gained so many things in the last few years, but yet the struggle has been worth what I learned from it all.

My Interests

Painting, sketching, sculpting, photography, tattoos, smoking a lot, writing; bizarre, unusual, and just plain strange things/people/flora/fauna; cryptozoology, zoology, biology, psychology, astronomy, physics... let's just say science. Therianthropy, lycanthropy, especially. Esoterica, occult, and theology. Conspiracy, hidden, and hard to grasp facts. Life. Watching others. Learning. Listening. Thinking. Time. Freedom. Expression. The natural world. Surviving as best I can, sometimes failing, but giving it my all never the less.

I'd like to meet:

People who can both understand and give honest conversation; the creators, thinkers, rationalists, realists... anyone who is brave enough to just exist as they were made. People who mean what they say. People who actually notice the sunrise and sunset... and bother to wake up to see it.

Music:

Industrial, electronic, eclectic, ambient, harsh, good old classic rock, noisy, soft, anything to suit my mood. Notables: KMFDM/MDFMK, Kronos Quartet, The Cure, White/Rob Zombie, Front 242, Coil, The Cinematic Orchestra, Zeromancer, Tool, Orgy, The Electric Hellfire Club, P.I.G., This Mortal Coil, Portishead, Non, Carl Orff, Nitzer Ebb, Theivery Corporation, Lou Reed, Meat Beat Manifesto, Orbital, Spahn Ranch, Rob Dougan, my wonderful friends Rob and Josh's work, U2, Crystal Method, Nurse with Wound, Depeche Mode, Information Society, Death in Vegas, Aphex Twin, Pigface, VNV Nation, A Perfect Circle, The Smiths, Michael Hutchence/INXS, Massive Attack, Throbbing Gristle, My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult, Nine Inch Nails, Talking Heads, Tricky, Clint Mansell, 1000 Homo DJs, Clock DVA, Revolting Cocks, Moist, Zoar, Ministry, Dead Can Dance, The Cult, Depeche Mode, Death Ride '69, Einsturzende Neubauten, FM Einheit, King Crimson, Lords of Acid, The William Tell Party Trick, Sister Machine Gun, David Bowie ... many others.

Movies:

In Weiter Ferne, so Nah!, Paris, Texas; Entropy, Four Rooms, Lady Hawke, Brazil, Der Himmel über Berlin, Dogma, Trainspotting, The Last Samurai, La Cage aux Folles, The Evil Dead, Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi , Nochnoy Dozor, Wolf, The Crucible, Crash, La Cité des Enfants Perdus, Léon, 12 Monkeys, Donnie Darko, Earth Girls Are Easy, The Shawshank Redemption, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Clerks, Full Metal Jacket, Il Mostro, Vanilla Sky, Fargo, The Boondock Saints, The Usual Suspects, 12 Angry Men, Rikki Tikki Tavi, A Beautiful Mind, 2 Days in the Valley, LOTR, Mulholland Drive; Sex, Lies, and Videotape; Bringing up Baby, The African Queen, Stay Tuned, Noises Off, A Fish Called Wanda, Blade Runner, The Omega Man, A Clockwork Orange, Signs, American History X, Apt Pupil, V for Vendetta, El Laberinto del Fauno, Sin City, The Lost Boys, Benny and Joon, I can't help it... it's not my tree. Cult films, horror, et cetera, old black and white, hard to find films... Movies that actually make you think or feel. Amusing movies about those silly Christians and Catholics with Monty Python.Darren Aronofsky, Wim Wenders, M. Night Shyamalan, Terry Gilliam and Kevin Smith are among my favorite directors.

Television:

I don't watch TV... (I do like House and Adult Swim, though, if I am at someone else's place. Metalocalypse, of course.) But some great shows I love that are no longer -- Lexx, American Gothic, Quantum Leap, Monthy Python's Flying Circus, Are You Being Served, Tales From the Dark Side, The Outer Limits, Black Adder, The Maxx, Liquid Television, Six Feet Under, Millennium, Sliders, Strange Luck, Farscape, Early Edition, The Avengers, et cetera. SPACE GIIIIANTS... (Happy, Travis?)

Books:

I enjoy William Gibson, Dave Eggers, George R.R. Martin, Neil Gaiman, Alan Dean Foster, Orson Scott Card, Thomas Ligotti, Isaac Asimov, Stephen King, C.G. Jung, many others. Anything cryptozoologic, scientific, metaphysical, historical, theological, et cetera. Occult types, and, of course, werewolf erotica. I will read just about anything put in front of me. Reading actual books is quickly becoming a lost form of knowledge acquisition, and it's a shame.

Heroes:

Some specifics: Terry Gilliam, Dave Eggers, H.R. Giger, Norman Dog! little Ms. Hahn, the people I know who are creative (and creating...) their fantastic work, no matter how difficult it can be sometimes. Three certain male friends of mine that have been through hell and back with me (and I with them), yet we still keep in touch and never stop caring and giving. Thank you.

My Blog

Questionable...

More time spent with the doctors again... they can't figure out a damn thing.I have an infection (yet I don't) I have a heart problem (that they cannot find) I have low blood counts (yet I don't) I'm ...
Posted by Nicole on Fri, 17 Aug 2007 07:38:00 PST

A funny thing happened.

So yes, amusing things abound lately. Discovered something rather clarifying yet distressing about myself, got a new job busting my ass with good potential for the near future, finally seeing some dec...
Posted by Nicole on Sun, 29 Jul 2007 02:16:00 PST

Mistakes.

I have made far too many of them... many have been forced upon me. Some of the more recent ones are beyond my comprehension... and I'm so very tired. I can fix little. The more important ones... left ...
Posted by Nicole on Mon, 21 May 2007 10:42:00 PST

Dilemma, again...

I seem to have wrapped myself up in a dilemma yet again& I have been deeply considering going back to school, but I have reached the one difficult question: for what, exactly?    &n...
Posted by Nicole on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 07:52:00 PST

Society and the trouble it stirs. {Exceptionally long. Be Warned.}

I was raised a Catholic. I was never baptized, never had a communion. The ideas never appealed to me anyway, so I guess it was a lucky break I was the child of sin in the family. It's something to ...
Posted by Nicole on Wed, 14 Mar 2007 07:55:00 PST

Creation vs. Concept vs. Me

Last night (this morning, really... got home around five a.m.), as I sat down in my living room, I noticed my reflection in the television. Staring into it, alone in the dark as my mind mutated it in...
Posted by Nicole on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 06:31:00 PST

Question answered.

A few people have been asking me why my name has been turned from just 'nic.' to Nicole is Dead. For you, here's my answer. It's how I feel after reviewing my place here. Compare me to normal function...
Posted by Nicole on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 06:37:00 PST

Pizza Stop of Doom

I know now... and I knew then... that it was a horrible idea. We should have gone to The Floridian or something. Anything. Primanti's is of the devil. Satan must reside there, cook the food, mo...
Posted by Nicole on Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:21:00 PST

Illness...

It scares the living hell out of me when I see it.I'm used to being sick, myself. As I type this, I'm maneuvering three pillows about under me so that my kidneys don't touch anything. Not in the best ...
Posted by Nicole on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 11:13:00 PST

Completion.

Right now, I have seven to eleven things waiting to be completed. I have hundreds that have not even begun. Artistic expression is such a complicated beast. While I'm perfectly content with conc...
Posted by Nicole on Thu, 01 Mar 2007 11:53:00 PST