I’m afraid |
I'm afraid again tonight. I had a fantasy, where I succeeded in getting my dream. It was very lucrative, and it was stolen from me. I get this a lot. It's either people are walking away from me and I'...
Posted by Phoebe on Wed, 10 Oct 2007 09:09:00 PST |
Motivation |
I've used external motivation most of my life. Please my mother. Please my father. Please my teachers. Please my friends. I can finally say my opnion is finally the most important one to me. It's quie...
Posted by Phoebe on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 03:31:00 PST |
Not Good |
I'm a complete hypochondriac. It's so stupid. I just tried to exercise, fast enough to break a sweat, work my heart, etc. etc. you know the routine. Turns out I'm scared of hurting myself. I was tryin...
Posted by Phoebe on Sat, 06 Oct 2007 03:31:00 PST |
Lonely or Empty |
Empty is the years I spent trying to survive with the nightmares in my head, the baggage I was carrying. It stopped me from seeing into the future, all I could do was survive one more day. If I was lu...
Posted by Phoebe on Sat, 06 Oct 2007 08:15:00 PST |
A hard job |
I finally saw what my mother does. She withdrawes. When she disagrees with something I do, when I do something wrong, she withdrawes. My father did the same. As long as I am obeying their everchanging...
Posted by Phoebe on Tue, 02 Oct 2007 04:03:00 PST |
Me. |
I found a book that says there is a group of people who are afraid of their own anger. They are scared that if they let loose, they will destroy everything. I used to believe that. It was my entire fo...
Posted by Phoebe on Sat, 29 Sep 2007 09:15:00 PST |
Who am I |
I have an underlying fear that what I'm doing is wrong. When I was little, I was always told ways I could do better, things that weren't good enough, I never felt I'd done anything right. I gave up. I...
Posted by Phoebe on Mon, 01 Oct 2007 06:49:00 PST |
Fear |
Everytime I write, I see words, simple, easy, words. Other's have said they hear poetry, rhythm. I write a joke, I'm amused, other's laugh out loud. If I write a story that is clear and complete I see...
Posted by Phoebe on Tue, 11 Sep 2007 07:18:00 PST |
Im a hyperchondriac |
I was diagnosed with asthma 2 days ago. Talking aggrivates it, so I've been coughing up a storm at work. Of course I work in a call center. Now I'm noticing when I'm short of breath. I though it was j...
Posted by Phoebe on Sat, 08 Sep 2007 03:32:00 PST |
Sensitive |
I've noticed that I'm suddenly very sensitive to being ignored. If I post something personal I want someone to say "I read it." To me that means. "I hear you." I have one board I play on, ...
Posted by Phoebe on Sun, 02 Sep 2007 09:57:00 PST |
