MIGHTY WORM

In 1957, when I was a wee lad, I tragically drowned at Camp Crystal Lake while the counselors were inconsiderately having sex. In a fit of rage my momz avenged my death by murdering those fools and the camp was subsequently shut down for years.When some promiscuous young adults decided to reopen the camp, my mother went on another rampage and killed a majority of the new counselors. Unfortunately her head was cut off. This did not sit well with me, of course, and it turned out that I was not dead after all. Now a full grown man, I decided to don a hockey mask and go around slashing and stabbing sexy idiots at Crystal Lake. I was defeated but - for a reason I've never understood - I did not die. I came back to life, attacking a new batch of promiscuous youngsters. Sadly, I was f'ing killed again.Over the years I have been killed several more times, but fortunately I keep coming back to life. I've had many crazy adventures killing lots of people. I tried to kill Corey Feldman once, fought Freddy Krueger, I killed a bunch of people on a cruise ship and was temporarily turned back into a child again in the sewers of Manhattan; I've even been in space. I feel the only low points of my career were that one time - in my 5th adventure - where I didn’t actually come back to life (it was just some asshole pretending to be me), and the time that my back story was altered, making it so I was possessed by some manner of demon slug. Other than those minor bumps, things couldn’t be going better for me.Skoal Vikings!.. IMPROV SPECIAL OLYMPICS on FunnyOrDie.com .... MORE COCAINE on FunnyOrDie.com ..