Diary of a Coke Hangover
Ok. Egg. That's safe. I'll have an egg. Oh my god. It's perfect. It's just what I..I think I might be sick. I got a little overzealous there. Second egg looks disgusting. It's fine. I'll just sip some coffee for a while. Black. So good.
I'm going to vomit. Okay, second trip to the bathroom and I still didn't puke. This is going to be a fun morning. Oh god, I look like shit. Walk slowly back to my table. Sit carefully. Let all the waiters know how fucked up you are. Great. Why don't you flick your nose a little and reveal an empty bottle of vodka for them too - it'll be a sweet little scene. Like a Norman Rockwell. A busted girl in a diner with an empty baggy and an empty bottle with half eaten food (some of it half chewed and placed back on the plate) in front of her. Okay, maybe not a Rockwell. Maybe more like a Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Is that what that painting is called? This particular scene is more like Boulevard of Broken High Heels and Empty Bank Account. Maybe some toast. Oh FUCK. The toast slides back out of my mouth through my teeth and back on to my plate. No toast, no thanks. Maybe some hashbrown?
Not that either.
Well maybe.
Maybe a little bit.
What if I mix it with the egg?
Two birds with one stone. Good, this is good.
Well this is sweet. You always hear about people saving people or nursing others back to health. But you never hear about people that nurse themselves... Maybe it isn't newsworthy.
Maybe it's more newsworthy.
Assholes.
I can see the headline now: "Girl Saves Herself from Cocaine Hangover with Mediocre Diner Food!"
Yeah, not newsworthy.
That headline is too long. It should be shorter. Sweeter. More direct, less graphic.
"Fucked Up Girl Isn't Fucked Up Anymore!"
Now we're talking.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack is playing. Really? Fuck you Fred 62.
The waiter asks me for the third time if I'm all right. No, I'm not. What gave it away?
Was is being the only person in the diner at 7 AM?
Was it that I keep checking for a nosebleed?
Was it that I've been to the bathroom twice already?
Can't touch my food?
Have set up a tent around my table, burrowed into my booth and built a camp around it so that I can just stay here in fetal position forever?