Eli Cross

I'd like to meet:

Well, I hate to sound like a complete pig, but I'd also hate to disappoint, so if I'm going to actually meet someone from this societal blight of a website, I'd prefer it to be someone from one of the following categories:

Hot, nasty, filthy little sluts who will gleefully come visit my girlfriend and I in our dungeon so we can do incredibly dirty, twisted things to her. A few things to consider before you suggest yourself as a candidate:

We live in a dungeon, so expect to get tied up and/or beaten. Expect anal sex. Expect Kylie to probably not be into your husband/boyfriend (she's very picky about guys, her mate's looks notwithstanding), so you might as well leave him at home. I mean it when I say incredibly twisted, because we really are filthy perverts. Did I mention anal sex?

Music:

Yeah, I listen to it, but I can't get all bothered to be passionate about much. I like Tom Waits, Ani DiFranco, Liz Phair & Beethoven.

Happy?

Movies:

Lawrence of Arabia. This is Spinal Tap. Heat. To Kill A Mockingbird. The Lion in Winter. Man Bites Dog. Fearless. Lost in Translation. Being John Malkovich. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. Holiday. His Girl Friday. Henry V. The Philadelphia Story. Farenheit 9/11. Inherit the Wind. The Maltese Falcon. Grosse Pointe Blank. The Grifters. Delicatessen. Insomnia (the original, not the crappy remake). The Iron Giant. Empire of the Sun. The Empire Strikes Back. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Ghostbusters. Wag the Dog. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. La Femme Nikita. Run Lola Run. All the President's Men. A River Runs Through It. Little Big Man. Dances With Wolves. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. The Sting. Cool Hand Luke. Bullitt. The French Connection. Patton. Unforgiven. The Godfather I & II. The Man Who Would Be King. From Russia With Love. The Wild Bunch. The Professionals. The Seven Samurai. Yojimbo. Sanjuro. Time Bandits. Blade Runner. The Mosquito Coast. Man on Fire. Thelma & Louise. Alien. The Ice Storm. American Movie. A googolplex of others.
In general I love most films by the Coens, Wes Anderson (even his goddamned American Express commercial), Terry Gilliam, Christopher Nolan, Sam Mendes, Mike Leigh, and everything from Pixar. I love the work of the Pythons, even individually, except Eric Idle who needs to be strung up for fucking Spamalot. I wish Woody Allen would just die quietly in his sleep to salvage some dignity. About eight years ago. But I love Stardust Memories and Manhattan and Annie Hall and many others.
I run hot and cold on Martin Sorcese (Goodfellas, Casino, Raging Bull; excellent. Gangs of New York, Bringing Out the Dead, The Aviator; painful). I enjoy James Cameron movies, but the scripts are shit (especially the dialogue, which does matter, I don't care what William Goldman thinks).
There are a lot of films I enjoy for parts, or despite the knowledge that they're bad. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is a good example. Crap movie, and I loved it.
I think Tim Burton is a great art director and a crappy filmmaker who tells infantile stories and doesn't understand real human motivations. I think David Lynch is a low-grade art-school asshole with the aesthetic of a sexually-retarded 16-year-old. And I think David Cronenberg is a much better filmmaker than I give him credit for, and I respect his movies even if I don't particularly like them.
And before you ask, I loathed... hated... despised... The Fellowship of the Ring, specifically because I love the books. And, yes, I saw the extended cut and it just made things worse, and, no, I didn't see the fucking rest of the trilogy, and, no, I don't ever plan to, and, no, I didn't see King Kong. And I wish Peter Jackson a slow, painful death from something terrible. Preferably involving the prolonged disintegration of internal organs.

Television:

Is shit. I haven't had T.V. (i.e. cable or dish or satellite or any of that nonsense) for years, so I'm out of touch. We have caught up with a few things on DVD however, and this is much easier than the film category.
In general, I like Discovery; A&E; The History Channel; but the commercials make me crazy. As for shows... Deadwood is excellent and smart, which is why it's getting cancelled. I enjoy the new Battlestar Galactica a lot (and what a shock that was). I like most of The Sopranos. I liked The X-Files before it turned to shit; I liked Millennium before it jumped the shark. I'm enjoying the living hell out of the new Doctor Who, and, yes, I still enjoy the original, cheesy as it is.
Everything I really loved is long gone, never to be repeated. I loved The Larry Sanders Show. Barney Miller. Monty Python's Flying Circus. Fawlty Towers. The Office (no, the British one, moron, the real one), and I'm looking forward to watching Extras as soon as I can find the downloads. Spaced was great. The Prisoner was amazing, even if it makes no fucking sense.
I love original Star Trek just because I do, and I've hated everything else they've ever slapped the name on. Next Generation was just the first link in a pile of T.V. turds that kept getter fouler and looser as time went on.
I've seen Lost and it stinks. 24 is even worse. Just about everything else is completely beneath my contempt, and believe me, my contempt will stoop to anything.

Books:

The Hitchhiker's trilogy. Tolkien. The World According to Garp and A Prayer for Owen Meany. Skinny Legs and All. Everything Robertson Davies ever wrote. To Kill a Mockingbird. Foucalt's Pendulum. Kingdom of the Wicked. The Professor and the Madman. In A Sunburned Country and Lost Continent. Gloriana.

For starters...

Heroes:

I'm not entirely sure I believe in this concept. People are a product of their times and events. A hero is a sandwich.