sporkgasm profile picture

sporkgasm

call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead

About Me

spork worshipper. full-mouth talker. avid burper. book reader. smartass quipper. witty banterer. clown and midget fearer. obsessive lotion applier. reckless abandon dancer. horrid karaoke singer. art appreciater. honesty yeller. fashionless dresser. left-wing voicer. pabst drinker. ..
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My Interests

reading way too many books. watching great horror and b movies. travelling as much as possible. drinking pabst with a lime 'cause i'm a classy bitch. yelling at cars instead of honking. being a total smartass and not apologizing for it. loving myself for who i am and fuck all else. getting tattoos that are as dorky as i am. writing weird short stories. going to art shows that make me think. having crazy off the wall thoughts every waking moment of my life.

I'd like to meet:

a dorky booknerdish sort who thinks i am the cat's meow. people who are intelligent, but will laugh hysterically at fart jokes. i would not like to meet any closed-minded folks. all homophobes and racist people just go away, i'm not interested. i will just point and laugh at you. and as this is a computer, it will make people think i'm crazier than they already do.
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Music:

i like the stuff. what can i say?

Movies:

ones i can watch over and over: i just watched vertigo and rear window again...yay. better off dead, any john hughes, dawn of the dead, heathers, cry baby (well, pretty much any john waters also), chun king express, so i married an axe murderer, shallow grave, trainspotting, the exorcist, boondock saints, american history x (hello hot ed norton), the princess bride, spaceballs, but i'm a cheerleader, happiness, any and all mafia flicks, sleepaway camp, fast times at ridgemont high, valley girl, and many more.

Television:

six feet under (r.i.p.), smallville, criminal minds, heroes, and project runway are a few that i dig.

Books:

first and foremost...and y'all know this...BUKOWSKI. salinger, fante, alighieri, rand, thompson, hempel, vonnegut, kerouac, acker, lopez, burroughs (both william and augusten), palahniuk, moore, and lots more.

Heroes:

my heroes are more heroic than your heroes.

My Blog

the bastardization of a seemingly worthy human

i used to have this friend.  he seemed to me a kindred spirit.  we shared a general disdain for those around us.  we read way too much and we hung out more than is healthy.  he is ...
Posted by sporkgasm on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 12:08:00 PST

so here it is...similar to the blog that disappeared

reminiscing....fabulous firsts. the first time i ollied on a skateboard.  it was on a hosoi hammerhead, which is a total fucking tank.  so the next board i got i could ollie ridiculously hig...
Posted by sporkgasm on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 04:41:00 PST

motherfucker

i had written all this rad stuff about graffiti, and spinning records, the first time i ollied on a skateboard.  but when i went to post it disappeared.  i am so not in the mood to re-write ...
Posted by sporkgasm on Fri, 15 Jun 2007 11:59:00 PST

short and sweet

the police concert:  fucking amazing!  sting's voice could not have been more flawless.  and the man looks phenomenal for his age.  he did stylize some of the songs to the point of...
Posted by sporkgasm on Thu, 14 Jun 2007 08:22:00 PST

do you know how difficult it is...

to be at work when you had put in for the day off?  it's tough..i tell ya.  if by noon we're not heading out, i may have to walk down to the o.t. and have a cocktail before we leave.  o...
Posted by sporkgasm on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 09:20:00 PST

and how...good man

so there's a fellow at work who is mister xtian...goes on missions and all that stuff.  i think this is great.  i am atheist, but i feel if someone's religion is what gets them through, so b...
Posted by sporkgasm on Tue, 12 Jun 2007 10:14:00 PST

haha fucker!

so i got called in and talked to 'cause a fellow employee got pissed when he made a snide comment and my comeback hit a little too close to home.  i explained exactly what happened and the guy wa...
Posted by sporkgasm on Mon, 11 Jun 2007 03:26:00 PST

random...shocker

so i had a bunch of fun friday night at the show.  it was super hard to wake up saturday morning though.  i actually slept in 'til almost 10, which is unheard of for me.  spent the rest...
Posted by sporkgasm on Mon, 11 Jun 2007 10:25:00 PST

why i can't relate to people

so i am doing some filing for our accounting techs.  they have these things that come in every batch which are like receipts for each claim.  the r.a.'s (retired annuitants...people who...
Posted by sporkgasm on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 08:45:00 PST