Wallowing in self pity and needle point. .. width="425" height="350" .... width="425" height="350" .. .. width="425" height="350" ..
A midget. A monkey. And a woman who will have intercourse with me. And maybe a midget woman who will have intercourse with me.
Name: Ron H. Swanson Jr.
Birthdate: May 1, 1981
Birthplace: Blue Island, Illinois
Current Location: Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Eye Color: Grey
Hair Color: Blond
Height: 6"0"
Weight: 250
Piercings: No.
Tatoos: Yes. Six of them all Star Wars themed.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Yes I have a girlfriend and she is a girl.
Overused Phraze: How dare you. I say that all the time.
FAVORITES
Food: Cherry Pop Tarts.
Candy: York Peppermint Patties.
Number: 13
Color: Purple
Animal: Penguin
Drink: water
Alcohol Drink:
Bagel: Uh?
Letter: Guh?
Body Part on Opposite sex: Vagina?
This or That
Pepsi or Coke: What's the difference?
McDonalds or BurgerKing: BugerKing
Strawberry or Watermelon: Strawberry
Hot tea or Ice tea: Ice
Chocolate or Vanilla Chocolate
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Hot Chocolate
Kiss or Hug: Hug
Dog or Cat: Cat
Rap or Punk: If it's punk, it has to be real punk. Not the shit like Panic at the disco or taking back sunday. I'm talking about The Ramones and The Clash.
Summer or Winter: Fall
Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Funny scary movies like Return of the Living Dead.
Love or Money: Money can bring love.
YOUR...
Bedtime: Whenever I fall asleep.
Most Missed Memory: College.
Best phyiscal feature: Calves. That's why I put my tattoos on them.
First Thought Waking Up: I gotta pee.
Goal for this year: Get a second part time job so I can continue being a part time DJ.
Best Friends: Everyone I made friends with in college.
Weakness: My own fragile self-esteem.
Fears: Bats and failure.
Heritage: Swedish.
Longest relationship: My relationship with my lord and savior, you know the guy. He has a big beard and long hair. Kinda like a hippie would. What's his name? Ah, it's probably not important.
HAVE YOU...
Ever Drank: No
Ever Smoked: Does the occasional cigar count?
Pot: No. I pass on grass.
Ever been Drunk: No
Ever been beaten up: Yeah, but I did the best I could.
Ever beaten someone up: I wouldn't call it beaten up.
Ever Shoplifted: Yeah.
Ever Skinny Dipped: Yeah.
Ever Kissed Opposite sex: All the time.
Been Dumped Lately: No.
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color: Does it matter?
Favorite Hair Color: Red is hot but I'm not picky.
Short or Long: Doesn't matter.
Height: I would rather have her shorter than me.
Style: Nothing trendy.
Looks or Personality: Personality.
Hot or Cute Anyone can be hot if they are cool and are fun to be with.
Drugs and Alcohol: No.
Muscular or Really Skinny: I like meat on my ladies bones. I don't like skinny chicks and I don't need a girl who can beat me up.
RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past: A lot. Biggest regret....hanging out with a dirty hippie. I still can't scrub out that patchuli stink.
What country do you want to Visit: Ireland or Italy.
How do you want to Die: In a blaze of glory.
Been to the Mall Lately: Yeah, I had to get my Halloween costume ready.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah.
Get along with your Parents: For the most part.
Health Freak: No.
Do you think your Attractive: No.
Believe in Yourself: No.
Want to go to College: Already went.
Do you Smoke: No
Do you Drink: No
Shower Daily: Sometimes twice.
Been in Love: Yes.
Do you Sing: All the time.
Want to get Married: Sure.
Do you want Children: Why not?
Have your future kids names planned out: Yeah. Jacen if a boy and Jaina if a girl.
Age you wanna lose your Virginity: 40
Hate anyone: Hippies. Dirty stinking hippies.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or -
If it's being played, I will listen. Best bands: Black Label Society, Soul Coughing, Live, Pantera, Nickelback, Default, Black Sabbath, A Perfect Circle, Tool, Tom Waits, Anthrax, The Beatles, Cold, Disturbed, Elvis (He's still alive!), Everclear, The Exies, Faith No More, Finger Eleven, Foo Fighters, Godsmack, Gorillaz, Green Day, Guns and Roses, Gunther, Andy's Val Gourmet, Johnny Cash (The legend will never die), Limp Bizkit (Just kidding, they suck), MC Paul Barman, Nick Cave, Nine Inch Nails, The Offspring, Our Lady Peace, Pat McCurdy, Pearl Jam, Peter Gabriel, Soundgarden, Audioslave, Powerman 5000, White Zombie, Rob Zombie, Puddle of Mudd, Teg Nugent, Queen, Rage Against the Machine, The Ramones (That's real punk, posers), The Rolling Stones, Soil, Static-X, AC/DC, Stone Temple Pilots, Stevie Wonder, Styx, System of a Down, Talking Heads, The Tea Party, U2, and of course, Wilson Phillips.
If it's being watched, I will watch. Best Movies: All the Star Wars titles, Boondock Saints, Big Fish, Dumb and Dumber, Walk The Line, Donnie Darko, Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Equilibrium, and of course, Beaches.
Refer to movies. Greatest shows of all time: Futurama, Best Week Ever, Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, X-Play (the video game review show with my future wife, Morgan Webb), Lost, MST3K, The Prisoner, Desperate Housewives, Titus, Seinfeld, X-Files, Millenium, The Simpsons (before it turned to shit), Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Da Ali G Show, and the best ever, Arrested Developement.
If it's being read, I will read it. Greatest Books: All the Star Wars novels and graphic novels, any Calvin and Hobbes collection, Michael Moore's "Dude, Where's My Country", George Carlin "Braindroppings" "The Zombie Survival Guide," and "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
First and formost, Samuel L. Jackson is my biggest hero! Tom Green, Jim Gaffigan, Bruce Campbell, Lewis Black, Richard Pryor, David Cross, Brian Regan, George Carlin, Daniel Tosh, Tom Waits, Bill Cosby, Bob and Brian, Dave Attell, Denis Leary, Eddie Izzard, Billy West (He was the voice of Stimpy and Fry from Futurama and the greatest voice actor of all time), Tom Kenny (He's the voice of Spongebob Squarepants and one of the funnist comedians of all time), Pablo Franscico, Greg Fitzsimmons, Harland Williams, Jake Johannsen, Mike Birgiglia, Mitch Hedberg (RIP my man), Patton Oswalt, Todd Barry, Mr. Austin, Craig Ryan, Hintz, Klutch, Reyn Guyer (The inventor of Nerf), Trey Parker and Matt Stone and Jesus.