Milo The Psycho Kitty - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Yes, he likes to call himself my "owner." So offensive. He thinks he owns me, but he's too dumb to realize that he's really MY bitch. He's so arrogant. He thinks he's so smart. He thinks I'm such a sweeeeeeeet sweeeeeet kitty. It makes me puke, because he's such a fool. But I let him believe what he wants to believe so that I can get him to give me what I need. I hate him.I grew up a normal kittenhood, really. At birth I was declawed, then castrated at the age of 3 months. After my first owner died a horrible, mysterious death, I wandered from facility to facility, in small cages and boxes. I still like boxes today. I ended up with a family of three young boys and a stupid bully cat that chased me wherever I went, so that I couldn't eat or go to the box. So I doo-dooed and threw up in random places in the house as a "thank-you", and tried to starve myself to death, to no avail. I was so misunderstood. Eventually they found me laying safely in a rat-poison box, pulled me out, and gave me to my current asshole of an owner who saved my shitty excuse for a life. There is much more to my life story, such as my time in Enumclaw, but this is sufficient for now. You might wonder why I am so angry, but consider this... I wanted to die and he kept me alive. He goes away for days at a time on trips, leaving me alone. Then, when he gets back, he invites his obnoxious friends over, who make lots of noise, play the stereo loud, and sit on MY spots on the couch... this is MY place, goddammit, and HE WILL PAY!!I intend to kill him, when the time is right. Then I would like to eat him. I stare at him for hours, eyes glazing over, yet focused, imagining new plans that will successfully maim, mutilate, torture, and eventually, kill him. I dream about these things during my catnaps. It is my life goal.To make things worse, I am an addict. I MUST be stroked. Even if it has to be from HIM, (hiss). A hand laying on my body is NOT enough. The hand must MOVE over my luscious fur for his touch to be tolerable. Can't he get that through his thick skull?! The "owner" must die. Please help me kill him, so that one day, I can display the following and finally make some dough...MySpace Layouts

My Interests

Sleeping while dreaming about killing my asshole of an owner. Eating and drinknig while thinking about killing my asshole of an owner. Torturing and eventually killing the occasional bug while imagining it is my asshole of an owner. Laying in the sun wishing my asshole of an owner would die. Throwing up on the carpet at the sight of my asshole of an owner. Killing my asshole of a so-called "owner." (Note: Interests are not necessarily listed in that order.

I'd like to meet:

I am always looking for other soul-cats who are trying to sabotage, manipulate, or kill their "owners"... and otherwise good christian kitties named Milo.

Music:

Playing music backwards, so that it sounds like a screeching cat. The "owner" never plays music the way I like it. And to add salt to the wound, sometimes he even plays that horrid violin... but NOT backwards, and not enough like a screeching cat.

Movies:

The Hannibal series.

Television:

I hate that crap. I hate my owner's stereo, his pda, his friends. It all just distracts him from stroking my exceptionally beautiful hair. Don't worry, I will get my revenge for his gross negligence.

Books:

The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers. The DSM-IV. The Bible.

Heroes:

Hannibal the Cannibal. Jeffrey Dahmer. The Devil. Brutus. Judas.

My Blog

A guy from United Arab Emirates wants to give me $35 million!

Hey Cool Cats, I wanted to share my good fortune with all of you!! Can you believe I'm the last living relative of a dead wealthy family in Europe?? This is JUST the break I needed, and ju...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Wed, 09 Aug 2006 11:43:00 PST

Update on Shredder Debacle...

I was ready and waiting. Everything in place. Had just peed on the floor to make it even more wet. But the "owner" came home with one of his stupid, idiot friends that fateful day. I...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:48:00 PST

New plan... think it'll work? Paper shredder and spilled water

Hello, my friends, A very supportive, good friend, indeed, suggested I use the "owner"'s spankin' new industrial strength paper shredder against him. Brilliant idea! He is soooo happy&...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Wed, 14 Jun 2006 01:52:00 PST

Human meat recipes...

Greetings! Once again, the "owner" has irresponsibly left my cat food bowl empty. But that's ok because I have plans for food later. Here is a wonderful recipe I found onli...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Fri, 09 Jun 2006 11:35:00 PST

Choke Choke...

Since the "owner" doesn't give me enough attention, I have certain things I like to do to get attention. One is to crawl up next to him, then slam my head and neck down on the couch so hard that...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Wed, 24 May 2006 01:49:00 PST

Surprise!

My owner left the trash in the hallway, with a broken beer bottle left by one of his stupid friends. So it was easy for me to pull out the broken longneck and place it in position to hit his eye...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Fri, 19 May 2006 01:53:00 PST

Pet Dogs Kill Owners in Home... YES!

I asked Jeeves "how do I kill my 'owner'". This article popped up. Good stuff. But "Ginger" and "Joker" were STUPID, and got caught. Dogs are dumb. No need...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Fri, 19 May 2006 04:09:00 PST

Help! What are ways to kill my lame owner?

I have been thinking about using the top of my opened food can to convert into a saw so that when he walks through the door, it will be waiting to slice his foot. Then as he falls, I would ...
Posted by Milo The Psycho Kitty on Tue, 16 May 2006 04:26:00 PST