Cap'n Bastard profile picture

Cap'n Bastard

Scupper me uppers and blower me lowers!

About Me


"Pigs are very beautiful animals...There is no point of view from which a really corpulent pig is not full of sumptuous and satisfying curves."
-G.K. Chesterton (The Uses of Diversity)

My Interests

Pigs
Pirates
Fishnet Tights...
Shootin' Irons
Cattle Ranchin'
Model Boat Building
Interior Design
and Buggery

“In the mind of the mariner, there is a superstitious horror connected with the name of Pirate; and there are few subjects that interest and excite the curiosity of mankind generally, more than the desperate exploits, foul doings, and diabolical career of these monsters in human form.”
- Charles Ellms (The Pirates Own Book, 1837)

I'd like to meet:


Fifteen men on a dead man's chest...

Music:

The Pixies,
Ween,
Cornershop,
They Might be Giants,
The Libertines,
Richard Cheese,
The Flaming Lips album 'Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots',
rousing accordian music,
lively jigs,
the list goes on...

Movies:

Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil,
BIG FISH,
Dead Man,
Anything directed by Peter Jackson, Terry Gilliam, or Tim Burton
...really, I'm probably the easiest audience member you can find for movies.

"Yeah, I've got something to fall back on... a big knife in my kitchen."
- Bill Marchant

Television:

All things Matt Groening.
Adult Swim,
CSI (I know, I know... but Marg Helgenberger....mmm....Marg....)

Books:

Any and all Martin Amis...
Baudolino by Umberto Eco,
The Fermata by Nicholson Baker,
Coraline by Neil Gaiman,
The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon,
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King,
...anything Tom Robbins
...almost anything Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Heroes:

Edward "Blackbeard" Teach
Samuel "Black" Bellamy
Maurycy Beniowski
Stede Bonnet
Anne Bonny
William Dampier
Francis Drake
Thomas Jones
William Kidd
Jean Laffite
Henry Morgan
John "Calico Jack" Rackham
Mary Read
Bartholomew Roberts

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." -Winston Churchhill