Surfer Supreme profile picture

Surfer Supreme

The Beach Jesus

About Me


I am so much better than all of you, so all of you can just sit at home and wish you were me. I am the greatest living human, alive or dead. I hung the moon and (and am hung like the moon). I once was a man from Nantucket, then a follower of Zoroaster, but then I realized that I was the second coming (ask your mom about my coming), the son of God.
I'm a simple guy born in Daytona Beach, Florida. Somehow my brother was born in Honolulu, Hawaii. But my parents did the best they could. They gave me a hint at my divinity - my middle name is Krist - but they left me and baby brother Kierce one too many times on the beach before they left us for good. So I'm a self-made millionaire orphan from the ghettos of Jamaica. I am the greatest thing to ever happen to professional wrestling. I am the greatest thing to ever happen to your brother's prom date... and your brother for that matter. I've made men and women men and women worldwide.
I have a winning record against the icon of the UWA (and all of professional wrestling for that matter), Scream. I have been the UWA World Heavyweight Champion and twice held half of the UWA World Tag Team Titles. I'm an advertising exec's wet dream. I am the greatest mouth, the greatest mind, and the greatest body the sport of pro wrestling has ever borne witness to. I ran top-dog by myself or at the forefront of any and every important UWA faction, be it the Dynamite Dudes, the Feet-A-Maniacs Deluxe, the Boys Club, Parliament, the Untouchables, or the UWE. I am sex and bibles, rainbows and puppy dogs, bad ass and hardcore, all wrapped up in beautiful genius. I can't be beat and I won't be beat. I am your hero, your idol, your role model, your masturbatory aid, your guidance counselor, your principal, your monarch, your bailiff, and captain. I am your savior, and all of you are my save-yees.
I'm a sissy-tingle mother fucker up to no good up in your hizzy, drinking alka seltzer cocktails just because they're fizzy. I ran amok in the UWA because I'm the man, fighting ten consecutive number one contender matches only 'cause I can! Went to Baton Rouge, made Double D a lady, went north to Battle Creek, made Madonna regret Warren Beatty, not to mention her Snatch baby. I headed south to Daytona, wrestled a death match with a shark... and you loved every minute because you're a fucking mark. But I love marks, they've made me rich, I just hate your mom because she's a muffin-on-a-stick bitch!

My Interests

jouissance, sex, lies, video tape, transmogrification, daiquiris, dashikis, shieks, leeks, The Pragmatic Sanction of Bourges (1438), pro-wrestling, coitus interruptus, tailored clothing, visors, breakfast cereal, auto-erotic asphyxiation, old furniture, the taste of stamps, USMC, goat meat, sexy girls, sexy boys, happy endings, mountain-climbing, raw-doggin' it, mincemeat pie, porkpie hats, absinthe & champagne, red Georgia clay, flan, pushers, Chingy, sardines, Loritab, Keith Olberman, frauleins, cheating, postmodernism, deposed rulers, punk rockers, Bolshevism, paying rent late, Everquest, the beach, worship, steak-umm sandwiches, smoking dope, Italian food, hookahs, hookers, jinx, carnivals, jasmine, feet, egg salad sandwiches, depth charges, tattoos, the gay gun, La Raza, theme parks, pussywillows, pawn shops, chance encounters, Muscle Beach, travesties, train sets, cran-rasp-gin-berry juice, conservative talk radio, extiscpicy, japanese magnolia, dinosaurs, five points, pimento cheese, monarchical societies, The Church of the SubGenius, girls wrestling in white panties, Thai food, Genesis 6:4, crayons, the Orgone Accumulator, PETA, Topher Grace, militant blacks, low-blows, pornography, MMA, carolina blue, fine print, fandanguillos, the projects, music therapy, fashion, apes, newgrass, inertia, pages, albatrosses, Presbyterians, mai-tais, galloping, MST3K, Florida, snow peas, seafood, surreal humour, butts, anti-climax, wine spritzers, macharomancy, cartoons, Cal-Berkley, Uncle Joe, cutting off circulation, Christmas trees, Jorges, epistemology, car crashes, clean needles, paraphilia, toy boxes, kosher food, chamber music, flagrant fouls, #2 pencils, argot, girls named Daphne or Daffney, surfing

I'd like to meet:

your mom.

Heroes:

Bernard Mickey Wrangle, Wayne Coyne, Buster Poindexter, George Clinton (the colonial governor; not the funk musician), Pol Pot, John Cena, Ralph Nader, Heathcliff, Jeb (from Camillar), Hieronymus Bosch, Eve Ellis, Benedict Arnold, Dudley Do-Right, Boy George, Guy Gardner, Robert E. Lee, Judas Iscariot, Arlo Guthrie, George W. Bush, Donald Duck, Truman Capote, "Exotic" Adrian Street, Miles Bennett Dyson, Sirhan Sirhan, RuPaul, "Adorable" Adrian Adonis, Magnús Ver Magnússon, the Cheshire Cat, Pee Wee Herman, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Tom Tomlinson, Yoko Ono, Peter Pan, Jazzy Pete, Muhdy Pete, Micky Dolenz, Pogo, Bonnie Rackley, Ran-Man, PaRappa the Rapper, Rex Jones, Dazzling Mikhail, Michael Palin, Bib Fortuna, Frank Shepard Fairey, Don the Beachcomber

My Blog

I Am Three Point One Four

My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me Lefty? Yeah but that was alright She was hotter than the sun but she just...
Posted by Surfer Supreme on Mon, 11 Aug 2008 04:28:00 PST

I Am the God

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.
Posted by Surfer Supreme on Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:58:00 PST

I Am the Fucking Zither

Higher culture is necessarily misunderstood. He who has but two strings on his instrument - like the scholars who, in addition to the urge for knowledge, have only the religious urge, instilled by edu...
Posted by Surfer Supreme on Mon, 26 Jun 2006 10:10:00 PST

I Am the Woodpecker

The difference between a criminal and an outlaw is that while criminals frequently are victims, outlaws never are. Indeed, the first step toward becoming a true outlaw is the refusal to be victimized....
Posted by Surfer Supreme on Mon, 01 May 2006 01:17:00 PST