My legal name is Winston Bartholomew Greensleeves but I go by the name my daddy gave me at birth. When he first saw me, in a voice that thundered through the whole maternity ward, he declared, "Why that boy so handsome he gonna put a prize in every box. My little Kracker Jak!!"I grew up in the Bronx and went to school at an exclusive Catholic private academy called Mount Saint Michaels. After eight years I was up to my Afro with the nuns. So I skipped high school and enrolled at Harvard. After seven years I got my PhD in Haitian Couture of the 18th Century and Modern Music Theory. Then right after I graduated, as the result of a bureaucratic snafu, I was actually drafted into the Army to fight in the Vietnam war, even though the draft no longer existed and the war had been over for eleven years.During boot camp at Fort Jackson, SC was when I got my real education in music and decided to become a producer. There was a strip club near the base called Gingers and my favorite dancer was a petite Asian girl named Yung Moo. Yung had the head of a cow tattooed on her torso (her nipples were the eyes). And I was obsessed with her. Two amazing things happened. I had always been lactose intolerant. But after spending over $3000 on Yung Moo for lap dances over about a two week period, I was completely cured. Now I can eat a grilled cheese sandwich or hot fudge sundae without belching tanker size gas balls of methane. The other amazing thing was the profound impact the music they played at the club had on me. Until then, all of my friends had been splibs and other various crackers (we called them honkies back then). The funkiest music I had heard up to that point was The Traveling Wilburys and Devo. But at Gingers is where I first heard scratchin and serious dance beats. And I knew I had to make music.My biggest musical influences are Bessie Smith, Ferlin Husky, John Coltraine, Snoop Dog, Two Live Crew, Debbie Boone, Dolly Parton, Rick James, the Spice Girls, AC/DC, Django Rhinehart and John Travolta.I am ambidextrous but my appendix is on the wrong side of my body.I use a lot of guitar in my productions. Many people say I play guitar like Jimi Hendrix would if he had been forced to play right-handed. I prefer jagged computer-tight rhythms (no more than two strings at a time) with psychotropic-inspired flourishes which ignore all of the rules of music. None of my guitars have a g-string (but all my women do . . . get it?). My favorite key is D minor and I can play the Moonlight Sonata on both a banjo and a xylophone.Also, I am the first person to ever have a ring tone. After he died in a freak escalator accident, I inherited from my daddy a mood ring from the sixties. When you were really feeling good, it would turn yellow and play "We All Live In A Yellow Submarine". I pawned it in 1993.I quit the music business for two years in 2002 out of humiliation. Someone made a video from the home movie my parents had of me being circumcised and posted it on the internet. I was so embarassed I didn't leave my room for two years. But life goes on either with you or without you.So now my ambition in life is to produce the best CD ever made, then pay back to this great nation all of the wonderful opportunities it has afforded me as an African-American man. Ultimately I would like to be appointed to the Supreme Court. My first day sitting in the hallowed halls of that august institution I would kick Clarence Thomas's ass for being such an embarassment to people of color. The next day I would resign and announce my intention to run for President in the coming election. With that out of the way, if she is still available, I would send Paris Hilton an engagement ring.
How I made my profile:
I used Dave & Jay's amazing myspace editor .
