My dick is bigger than Eddie Murphy.
I played outfield for the Toronto Blue Jays for almost 10 years! My selection as the 1987 American League MVP generated quite a bit of controversy in light of my supposive "poor performance" in two crucial series at the end of the 1987 campaign against the Detroit Tigers, who defeated Toronto on the final day of the season to win the division. No stranger to discord (some even go so far as to call me "hot-tempered") I incurred the hatred of Boston fans by directing a karate kick at Red Sox pitcher Bruce Kison, who seemed to be throwing at Blue Jay batters. My general surliness, lacksadaisical defensive play, and team-record outfield errors incurred the wrath of my teams' management (Blue Jays) and fans, which then prompted my asshole manager Jimy Williams's 1988 spring-training announcement that I would be moved to DH in order to improve team defense and "save" my knees. I bristled, then hit three home runs on Opening Day (the first player ever to do so, I may add). Nevertheless, a bitter, season-long feud between Williams and myself ensued and played a decisive role in the downfall of the 1988 team (sorry guys). In the process, I did set a team record with 15 errors in left. So there!
