Ragin' Runt

My name is Randall. I'm an actor... at least I try to be. Those lousy fuckers in casting always have some bullshit reason to not pick me for parts though. Either I'm "too qualified" or I'm "just not what they are looking for." Fuck that!! Why don't they just tell the truth! They don't like my arms. I was born like this. It's not my fucking fault.
I was born in 1974, in Catmanpoo, Texas. After high school, I took several acting lessons at the local community college. Many people said I was the best in my class and that I would surely go places.
Several years ago, I tried out for a part in a new movie... a sort of 007 spoof. They came to be known as the Austin Powers movies. Instead of getting someone like me, that can actually fucking speak, they hired that retard Verne Troyer. That stupid mother fucker wouldn't know what acting was if it hit him in his fucking face!!!
After that failure, I went into a slump. Alcohol became my best friend. I tried and I tried, but all I could ever get was stupid side-kick gigs. For a while, I was the butt of people's jokes on a local radio station. I eventually got tired of the shit and quit.
Things got so fucking bad, all I could do was get a job at the mall as the fucking Easter Bunny. Imagine having a bunch of snot nosed brats sitting in your lap all day, telling you what toys they want. I wasn't fucking Santa!!! I was the God Damned Easter Bunny!!! I didn't give a shit what they fucking wanted. One day I had it. This kid told me that he wanted a new skateboard. I told him that was nice.... I wanted a pice of his mom's ass. I got fired that day. Oh well... Fuck it!!!
Can you believe those fuckers with the movie Bad Santa told me I wasn't black enough for the part?!!? Why don't they just tell the truth? I wasn't willing to blow them... like you know who.
They did a remake of the old Willy Wonka movie. I tried for the part, but they ended up hiring some rag-head for the part. Can you believe that those anti-fucking americans did that shit?!!? Those Oompas look like a bunch of fags anyways!!!
Currently, I'm working in the porn industry. Fucking midget porn!!! These are some of the guys I work with. It's embarassing as Hell!!! I guess it could always be worse.....
I could have been retarded and have to settle for working in fast food.