Banana Hammock profile picture

Banana Hammock

this page is about my field's medal

About Me

**evidence of global warming and the rapture****i heart hilary****St. Patrick: friend or fraud****the time has come to quit my job****the state of the soviet union dress rehearsal****heath ledger...we hardly knew thee****the true meaning of christmas****fuck blue****arizona iced tea has a purpose****breanne ashley is a winner, whore****want to be my girlfriend? apply here****August is lame, lets spice it up****whales intimidate me****cindy sheehan had her 15 minutes****the fourth of july is what it is****im sure anaheim is shitty****p. hilton doesnt deserve this****your body is not a canvas so stop fucking with it****how to properly raise your child****reading is for readtards****david blaine is an asshole****woohoo! i got hatemail!****sleep****people are idiots****movie review: 300****i want to kill anna nicole smith****hahahahaha****thoughts on relationships and stuff****it takes different strokes to move the world****florida is a shithole****2006 - a year in review you bastards****walmart vs. target****lessons on how to survive christmas****born again christians are frauds****living far from the edge is great****what i am looking for in a woman****please god kill me now****a post givingthanks update****just in case you were wondering****mother fuck laguna beach****life is confusing****the way to a mans heart is not through his stomach****i can be poetic just like you****10 reasons why i am a loser****jury duty would be great if i were gay****If you like to take showers with women you have no balls****steve irwin is a douche** **sex and the shitty is the worst show ever****i am insane****numero uno el loser supremo****parents these days suck vol. II****parents these days suck vol. I****submit an ORIGINAL chuck norris fact****Colonel Mustard, with the rope, in the billiard room****softball is gayer than richard simmons****you have a rotten attitude****Worse than vomiting, no wait..vomiting and then eating it****I wish I knew how to quit you**

My Interests

oh geez i dont know. collecting stamps. cutting myself. some nights i enjoy counting the stars in the sky. other nights i like to count the stars in the sky while seeing how many frozen hot dogs i can shove up my ass. the record is 6. i also like to play the game "guess what this rash is on my balls." my mom is pretty good at that one.

I'd like to meet:

im gonna rename this one "who i'd like to punch:" which includes but is not limited to:rikki lake, mathematicians, paper for my three ring binder, old people, fat people, nicolas cage, all of eastern europe, lassie, any one with a last name that starts with Mc-, the inventor of twizzlers, and lindsy lohan (i guess that would technically be called a donkey punch).

Music:

i love music. its my favorite thing in the whole wide world. im probably addicted to it. one time i snorted a line up my pee hole. it fucked me up it did. oh wait. what were we talking about? coke, right?

Movies:

im blind.

Television:

the best parent there is

Books:

im illiterate. and blind. bad combination. so i guess it would be anything in braille. except im an arthritic dyslexic. one would think those factors should cancel themselves out. like a negative times a negative. but they dont. fuck math.

Heroes:

my dong. im not gonna lie. i guess technically i look down on him and he looks up to me but that's ok. that guy has done pretty good for himself and made me proud. except for that one time. also there was that other time. and lets not forget about that one chick. and then pretty much all of 2001-2007. now that i think about it fuck that guy.

My Blog

trick or treat bitches

it doesnt get any better than halloween.  did i spell that right?  sure, why not.  anyways, young feeble boys in kinky costumes walking up to my door all night...wait what? &n...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:23:00 PST

My interview with John McCain

I was fortunate enough to have a one on one interview with john mccain.  At his request, i was to keep this just between the two of us.  In a gentleman's agreement, i accepted under one cond...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 07:39:00 PST

things i would rather do than sit in an airport

die stare at the sun watch  my parents do it get married and have arguments about money put tin foil around my balls and teabag a toaster taxes get raped by spider monkeys become blood ...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:45:00 PST

pic of me and my rugged handlebars and an arrow through my head and wearing my helicopter beany

and ive also got on my pimp gold chain. im really proud of that gold chain i got it from my dad who got it from his dad who got it from his dad who stole it off some chinese dude....
Posted by Banana Hammock on Mon, 02 Jun 2008 05:13:00 PST

im not gonna say i told you so

i had a pretty good memorial day. i went to a bar and it was cool cause for some reason chicks were fighting all over the place. they were all pulling hair and digging lee press-ons deep into flesh an...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Wed, 28 May 2008 11:16:00 PST

evidence of global warming and the rapture

as mature adults, we have to agree, if only for the children, that global warming is real.  and that fags and unicorns piss god off.  and that gay unicorns really put him on the le...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Sun, 18 May 2008 11:43:00 PST

i heart hillary (updated 4-13)

 hillary clinton is my new best friend. look how hot she looks getting ready to drop some whiskey down the hatch. ive never masturbated to hillary clinton, but thats all about to change. the only way...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 10:29:00 PST

St. Patrick: Friend or Fraud?

any holiday that legally allows you to get piss drunk at 7 a.m. on the streets of downtown dallas is a day i am all for.  i was walking around with a case of Old Milwaukee Light (gotta ...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:26:00 PST

the time has come to quit my job

Tomorrow morning im going into work with a new attitude.  its time for a change, and that change will be for the better.  Yes, tomorrow im going into work, but im not gonna do shit.  Ma...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:02:00 PST

the state of the soviet union dress rehearsal

if you are like me, you watched the state of the union address (SUA) with your pants at your ankles.  if your not like me, you didnt.  because you would of had them all the way off.&nbs...
Posted by Banana Hammock on Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:18:00 PST