Besides bitches, I like licking my wanger and cleaning up dat area where my manly parts used to be. Boy, I'm glad dey let me keep my wanger, cuz doze balls are long gone! I love Peanut Butter! Peanut-butter and rawhide chews! My very favorite ting is to go into dat closet and steel my Fadder's furry boots and eat dem. I've taken so many boots out of dat closet, but my humans tend to keep dat door closed. I would have given up my left ball for an opposable thumb! But somebody got dare first! But dey smell SOOOOOO GOOOOD! Doze boots, I mean! Sometime I get lucky and find doze spiders inside my Fadder's boots and I chomp deem! I dun't like to look at all doze legs on doze tings, but wen I chomp dem, dey go to Spider Heaven!
I found me a mouse in dere, in dat closet. Momma screamed at dat mouse, so I chase heem all over dat house where we live. I had trouble to catch heem. Den he bit me on my bulldog nose. Now I find heem someone who will eat dat bad mouse for me. He's not wort me getting my nose bitten off. He just a light snak. Boy, Oh, here he is...dat mean mouse!
I dun't understand dat Mudder of my Very Own! She make me dis slideshow because she make one for dat "Bella Bitch" hoo come straight from Hell and I get jealous. But she turned my Very Own show into a celebration. She say dat we celebrate being alive and being happy wit what God give us. He's a good DOOD. He rescue me from bad people, so I tink I celebrate. Dat is good reason. Dun't you tink?
Wen we have nice wedder, sometimes we go swimming. I'm not a wadder dog. Do I look like wadder dog? But I will lick dat wadder when I am tirsty and I will get my feet wet. I tink I am too good looking to get all dirty da way dat Bella does. But she has no doggie morals at all!
Lookee here at dat UGLY FACE my Bella Bitch make at me wen I insult her. She has dat ugliest "Evil Doggie Bitch from dat place called Hell" face dat I have ever seen in dat life of my Very Own!
My Mudder and Fadder! OH BOY! Day scream and yell and make grunting noises when Bella swims. She's such a show off! I bet if I put my doggie mind to it, I could swim really bedder den my bitch, Bella. I need to be dat brave dog. But Bella is braver den me in dat situation! I tink Bella tink she some kind of fish of her Very Own!
I just got deez fishies from my liddle "Ferret Face Bitch, Ms. Mischievous!" I have to put deez fishies on dis page because dey are ugly like dat "Bella Bitch from Hell" wen she in dat bad mood!!
Lookie at dis new picture of me and my "LIddle Ferret Face Bitch" of my Very Own! My liddle "Ferret Face Bitch" say she wood marry dis "Manly Dood", but I dun't tink dis wedding picture is funny at all. I can't believe dat my Mudder wood make me wear dat stoopid pink bow on my hed. I am a "MANLY DOOD" and my Liddle "Ferret Face Bitch" dun't have her purple glasses on dat she promise to wear for all eternity. She no dat I will keel her a lot if she take doze purple glasses of dat face of her Very Own! Dis is what I tell her many times!
What Shud I doo about my Liddle "Ferret Face Bitch"? Shud I let her live wit no purple glasses on dat face of her Very Own?
I love liddle kids. Day always want to pet me, but dumb humans usually tell dem "No" he might bite you." Dey dun't even ask my Mudder and Fadder. Dey look at me and tink I am a bad dog. Dey take doze liddle kids away from me like I have some bad disease and my 'bulldog' feelings get hurt sometime. So my Mudder and Fadder hug me and tell me dey love me. Lookee here at dis picture of me wit my liddle "Hazel baby!" She is so cute and her Mudder let her pet me!
But really...tink about it! Doo I look like I wood bite a liddle kid smaller den me? NO WAY! I love babies too cuz day smell so good wen day are clean....but I have ta admit it..wen day do dat poop ting, dat always smells good. Mudder tinks dat's just gross!
In dat spair time of my "Very OWN" I love to catch doze evil mouses in dat house where I live... I love eating, sleeping, eating, pooping, and sleeping too! Den sometime before I eat my stuffed ana-mules., I will want to sleep wit dem. I found dis liddle bear and I slept wit heem for a day or two and he didn't get eaten until after I got tired sleeping wit heem. He is a cute liddle ting. But the really cute one is me. Lookee here how cute I am sleeping wit dat liddle fella!
I would love to have my own liddle fella to sleep wit all dat time. Dose liddle human fellas are so cute and I love dem so!
What I like to say to all dose humans out dere is dat we, big bully dogs, love our liddle humans! Dat's what I am trying to say!
One of my more favorite tings to do is stealing granny's garbage can out of her bedroom cuz she's not always nice to Momma, so I take can and den I spred her icky garbage here and dere and she gets mad. Momma laughs and takes dat ting out of my mouth before I get carried away.
I like to pass doggie gas wen Fadder doesn't suspect, and eating are my favorite tings to do. Laying in dat sun is nice, but my humans always put sun-block on my nose and dat's just so annoying and it tastes icky and smells really bad!
Now you tell me dat truth. Do I look like dis dog down below here? I am half of heem. I tink dat means I am half Bull Terrier, not half of Heem personally. Does dat makes sense too you?
Dis Manly Dood is half of dis dog down dere below where I write to you. I am dis kind of dog too. Deez dogs are Dogo Argintino dogs down dere. What do you tink?
I tink I am as beauty-full as deez too dogs here. What do you tink?
Now what do you tink about dis fine dood? Ha ha ha! Dis dood down below here is ME! I tink I am as sexy as deez udder doods. And I have dat big bone to prove it!
I love disco-dancing. Dat's what Mudder calls it because she says I prance and do dat doggie wiggle. I need a disco ball for da livingroom. Everytime I see dat leash come out of da drawer, I start to do dat "doggie disco dance!"
Lookee down at dat big FAT, black cat on dat page of my Very Own. My Mudder tink she is clever pudding dat big ugly FAT black cat on dat page and I will be afraid of heem. I dun't like his eyeballs. I dun't trust heem! No, not at all!
I'd like to meet:
I love humans of all kinds. As long as you dun't want to cut off doze ears of my OWN, we get along great. I love bitches; dogs or udderwise! My current bitch is dat American Pit Bull Terrier. Her name is Bella. But she's not just bitch, SHE'S A BITCH, so I need to meet friends to make her jealous. Lookee here at how preddy she tink she look! She just have dat big bully hed!
Dis "Manly Dood" is convinced dat cats come straight from HELL! Dat's why I keel dem. Momma says dats not a very nice ting to do, but look at how evil dey look! Horrible Creatures. Give me some A1 Sauce or ketchup and I could learn to eat dem, no problem! In fact, I'd be in "Dogo Argintino Bull Terrier Dog Heaven!"
No, my Mudder and Fadder dun't allow no cats at dat house where I live. Hmm.. Aren't big bulldogs supposed to keel cats? My Mudder laugh because I like to chase doze butterflies and eat dem. I would like to meet dat champion dog who can eat da most butterflies. I bet if we could have contest, I would be dat winner. I can jump really high and den I CHOMP DEM! Dey must go to Butterfly Heaven.
Music:
My Mudder plays dat piano and I bet it's nice, but I'm deaf, so I dun't no what music sound like. Is really funny since I like to disco dance but I can't hear da music playing. Maybe if I heard dat music, I'd no like disco dancing no more! It' sucks being deaf some of da time, but if I dun't look over at my humans, I can pretend like I dun't know what day want me to doo. Works really well!
Movies:
I got to watch dat Rocky Horror Picture Show because Mudder tot I would like seeing a nudder guy have to wear doze girlee undees. But it didn't make me feel any bedder. I tot dat "Rocky DOOD" look bedder in dem dan I doo.
I liked dat "Lion King," even dough I hate cats and I kill dem, he was brave cat and I would not kill heem. He is a good guy!
Homeward Bound, Dat Incredible Journey, Lassie Come Home to Mudder, All Dogs Go to Heaven because is sort of documentary, 101 Spotted Dogs, Turner and Hooch, Dat ink Panther Cat from Hell, and Dat Wizard of Oz. Toto's my Hero! For a dinky little ting (I poop bigger dan Toto!) he's really brave!
I dun't like all deez dum cats all over dat page of my Very Own! If I could, I'd chomp all deez dum cats! I wood chomp dem! Dey wood all go straight to cat HELL!
Television:
I like to watch doze old Bugs Bunny cartoons and see doze dum cats get into all dat trouble and chaze dat Tweety Bird Bitch around doze houses where dat Sylvester Cat live. I dream of catching doze cats and birds and chomping dem!
Now dis cat below, he is smart. He like to watch doze fishies of his Very Own! But I wood still keel heem and send dat dum cat strait to dat place called HELL!
Animal Planet, but not dose police shows. Dey scare me and a lot of times dey say bad tings about Pit Bulls. I won't listen to dat stuff! I'm not Pit Bull, but my bitch, Bella, is and most of my udder bitches are Pit Bulls. Dey are strong and beautiful dogs! So dere! I get really dog mad wen I tink about dis subject, so I stop now! I show you picture of my bitch and me looking like doggie angels!
I hated dat stoopid show, Sabrina Dat Teenage Witch. I bet dat damn cat is phony! Can't even keel him and he was always a smart cat ass!
Look at dose stupid cats! Look hard at dem! Dey are just stoopid! I wish dey were real so I could eat dem!
Look at dose eyes! I dun't trust heem!
Lookee below here at dis stoopid cat wearing dis stoopid outfit. My Very Own "Brooklyn Bitch" give me dat cat, so I no keel heem. But he has dat wanger area of his Very Own dat is really iddy biddy! Dat is because he is dat Evil Cat dat come straight from dat place called HELL!
Books:
My Mudder read Charlotte's Web to me and I have to say......Dat Wilber was one brave pig to talk to someting wit doze 8 legs! I chomp dem, but I no want conversation wit doze big ugly spider tings!
Heroes:
My Mudder and Fadder are my heros. I had dat horrible life before dey came and met me. Dey find out I was a fighter dog, and dey still wanted me. Dey find out I am deaf and I keel cats, and dey still wanted me. Dey find out dat I had to have dat surgery on my eyes. Dey said, we are taking dat dog home to live wit us forever! Dey promised dat I am never going to go back to doze bad humans hoo cut off my ears. No one will ever again leave me in a shed wit no light or food for days at a time. I love my Mudder and Fadder. Dey love me too! All humans hoo love animals, and doggies dat have mutilated ears and are scary to look at, are my heroes.
Dis handsome dood here wit dat sad face is a nudder hero of my Very Own! He made me hero on his page because I had such terrible life and I am good doggie. He has had sad tings happen too, and dat is partly why he understand animals so much. Dis "Manly DOOD" love you, and I am glad dat you are my "Very Own" true "Manly Doodiness Friend!"
