Just a simple bloke who enjoys life and loves living.
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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Sergio Horowitz von Krapsky.
Birthday: The first one.
Birthplace: Between my mother's legs.
Current Location: In front of my laptop.
Eye Color: One green, one blue, one brown.
Hair Color: Some are brown, some are black, some are reddish.
Height: North of short, south of tall.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Neither.
Your Heritage: A bit of this, a dash of that and a smidgen of other.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Are too tight.
Your Weakness: Anything. I have no self-control or discipline.
Your Fears: Fear itself.
Your Perfect Pizza: Is circular and flat with stuff on it.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To finally be free of my twin brother, Shlomo. Ya see...we're Siamese...
Your Most Overused Phrase On an Instant Messenger: You 18?
Thoughts First Waking Up: "Dear, God. Not again...".
Your Best Physical Feature: Is the one I don't have.
Your Bedtime: Is full of mirth and whimsy.
Your Most Missed Memory: I dunno. I missed having it. Duh!
Pepsi or Coke: Vile concoctions.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Are both good places to meet chicks.
Single or Group Dates: Trying to trick me into admitting I had a menage trois, eh? God, I wish!.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: No, thanks.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Isn't the world big enough for both?
Cappuccino or Coffee: Yes.
Do You Smoke: Only when I'm lit on fire.
Do You Swear: Fuck yeah, shitbird.
Do You Sing: My neighbors might say no, calling it, "...that God-awful shrieking", but my answer is "Yes, I sing"!
Do You Shower Daily: Define "shower", then define "daily".
Have You Been in Love: I've been in a whorehouse. Does that count?
Do You Want to Go to College: Been there, done that.
Do You Want to Get Married: Only to me.
Do You Believe in Yourself: Cogito ergo sum--so I guess so, philosophically speaking.
Do You Get Motion Sickness: Only from watching really fat bodies in motion.
Do You Think You are Attractive: I don't think I am. I KNOW I am, but attractive in a completely unassuming, non-obvious way.
Are You a Health Freak: Yes, being healthy freaks me out.
Do You Get Along With Your Parents: Which pair?
Do You Like Thunderstorms: Show me someone who doesn't, and I'll show you someone who doesn't like thunderstorms.
Do You Play an Instrument: Yes, the radio. Ha ha ha ha. That never gets old.
In the Past Month Have You Drank Alcohol: Does alcohol count?
In the Past Month Have You Smoked: Only on the barbecue.
In the Past Month Have You Been on Crack: I don't think so...
In the Past Month Have You Gone on a Date: Involving another person? No.
In the Past Month Have You Gone to a Mall: Christ, yes. Enough already!
In the Past Month Have You Eaten a Box of Oreos: I'm gonna use one of my lifelines on this one, Regis...
In the Past Month Have You Eaten Sushi: Who is she?
In the Past Month Have You Been on Stage: "All life's a stage, and we are merely players in it". Shakespeare...or the band Rush. I forget which.
In the Past Month Have You Been Dumped: Down a drainage ditch and left for dead? No. Why?
In the Past Month Have You Gone Skinny Dipping: Yep, just me and the folks from the Pinecrest Retirement Home. Oh, that Flossie May. What a minx.
In the Past Month Have You Stolen Anything: Just a lot of sideways glances.
Ever Been Drunk: No, I don't like being tipped back against someone's lips and having their mouth parts slurping on me...or did I misunderstand the question?
Ever Been Called a Tease: No. Never been called intelligent either. So what's your point?
Ever Been Beaten up: I used to be a bouncer, so I can handle myself. I also used to run track, so I can run away fast.
Ever Shoplifted: Just merchandise that didn't belong to me.
How Do You Want to Die: With midgets and razor blades.
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up: An adult.
What Place Would You Most Like to Visit: Me.
Preferences In a Cindy Crawford...
Favorite Eye Color: Not picky, as long as she has 2 of them.
Favorite Hair Color: Mine.
Short or Long Hair: Yes, but it really depends upon its length.
Height: Scared of heights.
Weight: I prefer the term "gravitas".
Best Clothing Style: Nakedity or nudeness.
Number of Old People's Dentures I Have Taken: Too many--my fingers are starting to look like wrinkly prunes
Number of CDs I Own: Over 500, but still not enough.
Number of Piercings: Does sex count?
Number of Tattoos: Do black eyes count?
Number of Things in My Past I Regret: Just one: taking this survey.
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