Coconut Caveman profile picture

Coconut Caveman

Nothin' says lovin' like a hand in 'er can.

About Me

I'm a 29 year old husband and father of two beautiful daughters. I work as a chef at the Greenbrier in WV. I am the youngest of three sons. I'm Hispanic and don't speak Spanish. I love churches, but can't stand the hypocresy of organized religion. I love to swim, but some days can't bring myself to leave the house. I enjoy reading well written fiction. I love to write. I'm not lazy, but there are times I just don't have the strenght to wage the war that is life. I enjoy the martial arts. I think puppies are cute, and might taste good. I enjoy helping people to reveal their true nature. I will listen to you if you ask me to, but I might write about it later if it's worth noting. I am a dirty old man in training!

My Interests

I like starting fires, dismanteling the establishment from the inside out, fights, booze, boobs, and unsuspecting telemarketers. I am a lighning rod for crazy people, am well grounded, and seldom shocked. I like watching mourners and people getting their cars searched. I love watching women's tennis and big asses. I think the "Donkey Punch" is the sweetest sexual invention since walking the plank.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet twins with different birthdays.

Music:

I only listen to bands that I alone have dicovered. You can call me an elitest if you want, but "The Cat Shit Bandits," "The Hairy Areolas," "Magdi and the Jihads," "Naplam Poontang." and "Lord Spankington" to name just a few, are the greatest music ever! Here's more great bands "Congressional Hiding Hole" "Tinkering with Disaster" "Fundamentals for a Meltdown" and "90 Yolks for Hollendaise" it's a chef band!! I've found new bands, shitheads. Angerbang, formerly known as HATEFUC! A couple of country muscians, Uncle Dad, and Cowpoke(perverts!) Service Managers Should Die is new as well as Penny Takes Birth control, Raping Clowns, ShitSchtick, The Baby Eating Bastards, Van Gogh's GUNT, and Too Drunk to Concieve. Look them up and enjoy. My newest favorite band is called. "The bawdy Gaffaws" A new entry for the latin community, "Puerto Freakin?"

Movies:

I'm not a film student, but I love movies. Cleverly devised plots, soundtracks filled with rancour and discourse, artistic cinimatography, and dialouge that represent a world where people think before speaking.

Television:

I don't do it. It's all for commercials, and I only want to buy what I need, not what a team of experts feel that my family should have to be happy.TWYS - Enhanced Edition

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Books:

this will change with what I am currently reading, because I'm not going to bore/try to impress you with what I've read. "Go Ask Alice" Time Life's "Serial Killer." I just started reading online Miayamoto Musashi's "Go Rin No Sho" or A Book of Five Rings" Right now while on the toilet, I read Kurt Vonegut's "player piano."

Heroes:

My parents for raising me without ending my life, I know that must have been difficult. My daughters for loving me without wishing anything in return for their love. My brothers for the same reason as my parents. All the chefs I work with for their undying servitude, and dedication to food qaulity as well as drinking with me.

My Blog

10 things I want to do before I die.

For those of you who are not in the know, this is a bloggers game.  What happens is a person makes this list of ten things they want to do before they die, and then tag people to make a list of t...
Posted by FireCrotch on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 06:22:00 PST

I thought I'd died.

It was an April afternoon, dreary from the drizzle, and most of my friends were on spring break.  I didn't go to college, but I lived in part of town that was mostly occupied by students.  S...
Posted by FireCrotch on Thu, 15 Feb 2007 12:19:00 PST

blogger who want me to read their blogs

I am not sure what about my clever comment in other people's blogs or my witty name/picture that has required the attention of hacks all over myspace, but if you're one who has decided the best way f...
Posted by FireCrotch on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 11:42:00 PST

Teenage Muntant Ninja Turtles

I would like to start by saying I love being a father.  I am forever looking for new ways to connect with my family.. My parents, brothers, wife, in-laws, and especially my two daughters.Grace is...
Posted by FireCrotch on Sun, 11 Feb 2007 07:58:00 PST

The best and worst movies I've seen all day.

I've watched two new movies.  This was like watching cause and effect happen through my DVD player.  The first movie was Jackass 2, and I laughed so fucking hard my sides now hurt. Johnny Kn...
Posted by FireCrotch on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 09:05:00 PST

I lost my virginity

Good fucking Christ, I don't even how to start this godamn blog.  Wait, yes I do.  Thanks Chris for sending me a friend request, and then telling me that his cousin was on his friends list.I...
Posted by FireCrotch on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:48:00 PST

Thieving-Ass Chass and the HIllturd Gang (part2 of me hating neighbors)

If you havn't read the first part of this story it's okay this true story will stand on its own, but if you want to know the whole truth of why I hate neighbors go read the first one.  Anyways, t...
Posted by FireCrotch on Tue, 14 Nov 2006 05:46:00 PST

Why I don't like neighbors, it's nothing personal!

I am a private person by nature.  If you know me you are aware of my outgoing personality and my ability to quickly intergrate into new situations.  I have moved 15 times or so since I have ...
Posted by FireCrotch on Tue, 07 Nov 2006 08:41:00 PST

I'm an idiot.

Friday October 20th's demo gone wrong Current mood: exanimate For those of you who may or may not know, I have two myspace pages, and one is dedicated  to martial arts and my friends who are i...
Posted by FireCrotch on Mon, 23 Oct 2006 07:21:00 PST

I won!!

The phone rang at 4:30 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon.  My family and I are getting ready to go grocery shopping.  We're all hungry and just want to go.  I always answer the phone. "Hello"...
Posted by FireCrotch on Wed, 18 Oct 2006 11:00:00 PST