Shooting badguys... when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy! The fact that it was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar is merely a technicality.
Vincent Ludwig
Quinton Hapsburg
Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer
My old buddy Nordberg just one last time (or at least before he cuts someone elses head off)... "Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that."
I am a musician, but its a tough business to make music. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
I love movies with Goldie Hawn. I actually met her once. I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say..."Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: I would like now to introduce a most distinguished gentleman. This week he is being honored for his one 1000th drug dealer killed. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Lt. Frank Drebin of Police Squad.
Lt. Frank Drebin: In all honesty the last two I backed over with my car. Luckily they turned out to be drug dealers.
I don't want to read books. From now on, I want to be known as the environmental police lieutenant.
It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.