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Frank Drebbin

frankdrebbin

About Me


"The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing, but it hurts!"
It was hotter than Hollywood on Gay Pride Day, and as smelly as Shaq's armpits in double overtime. But this wasn't LA. It was Baghdad -- a sweltering slum of a city filled with brutal thugs, corrupt bureaucrats and sleazy quick-buck artists. And the Iraqis were a pretty nasty bunch, too. Like a POW in a British prison camp, I was gonna have to stay on my guard. My recent trip to Iraq was won of many adventures I had planned to put in my new Blog. All I needed to do now was figure out... what the hell is a Blog? And where the hell was I?
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My Interests

Shooting badguys... when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy! The fact that it was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar is merely a technicality.

I'd like to meet:

Vincent Ludwig
Quinton Hapsburg
Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer
My old buddy Nordberg just one last time (or at least before he cuts someone elses head off)... "Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that."

Music:

I am a musician, but its a tough business to make music. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.

Movies:

I love movies with Goldie Hawn. I actually met her once. I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say..."Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.

Television:

Commissioner Anabell Brumford: I would like now to introduce a most distinguished gentleman. This week he is being honored for his one 1000th drug dealer killed. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Lt. Frank Drebin of Police Squad.
Lt. Frank Drebin: In all honesty the last two I backed over with my car. Luckily they turned out to be drug dealers.

Books:

I don't want to read books. From now on, I want to be known as the environmental police lieutenant.

Heroes:

It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.

My Blog

Frank Drebbin RETURNS

The letters were coming to me like the aftermath of a Alphabet Soup Truck explosion. What's wrong with Frank? Why had I disappeared? Why no blogs in over a year? And Where the hell was I? It's been a ...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Sun, 08 Jun 2008 06:53:00 PST

Frank Drebbin’s Reality Show Experience

Lieutenant's Log, Stardate 10607.  I am reporting on a run-in (or two) I witnessed while at the Reality TV Show Awards this past Monday.  Maybe I should just start from the beginning......
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 07:48:00 PST

Oops, Nordberg Did It Again!!!

Lieutenant Captain Morgan.... er, I mean Drebbin, reoprting for duty! It has been months since my last confession, but I feel now is a good time to get back on the track to truth, justice and the Bren...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Fri, 21 Sep 2007 06:31:00 PST

Frank Drebbin and Tony Soprano's Unsolved Mystery

I was charged with a new duty by the chief to find out what happened to a well known Jersey gangster named Tony Soprano.  Being a native of New Jersey, I decided that this was one case that there...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Thu, 28 Jun 2007 04:44:00 PST

Murder on 31st Street

For those of you following the murder of Sarcasmo, I have posted my investigation notes as follows.  Updates will follow as necessary...--------------------It was a cold, wet night when I got the...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 04:45:00 PST

Rehab Patrol

After losing track of Nordberg and being on suspension more times than Paris Hliton was on an AP story line, my chief chose to put me on Rehab Patrol. This was a scummy duty that only the dirtiest cop...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Wed, 21 Feb 2007 06:44:00 PST

Back on the Streets with Nordberg

This was one cool winter day in LA as my partner Nordberg and I went out in my cadillac searching for some bad guys to kill. My mind kept going over the questions like bubbles in a can of club soda. W...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 06:00:00 PST

The Exorcism... Part 3 and a Half

Another cold sultry day, and I found myself walking the docks pondering why the devil was still possessing this little girl, Regan.  It was like a cruel joke for her mother to name her after a Pr...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 02:36:00 PST

The Return of Drebbin!

Frank Drebbin has returned... PLEASE DISPERSE!!!  Nothing to see here!!!  Unless you enjoy the sight of a grey haired slapstick artist molded like a Patrick Swayze making clay ashtrays under...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Sat, 13 Jan 2007 06:42:00 PST

The Exorcisist- Part Deux

My investigation took me to a small town in Georgia, after some leads indicated where the devil was most likely to go.  Although I was disappointed to see he wasn't playing a fiddle show, I did a...
Posted by Frank Drebbin on Thu, 13 Jul 2006 02:36:00 PST