Matt-O-Matic profile picture

Matt-O-Matic

For Truly Epic Lulz

About Me

Sarcastic fool with a penchant for answers in the form of a question.Grilled Cheese's also run my show. I have a tattoo of myself, getting a tattoo. I also write a blog. I'd link to it but it's literally right on top of this. If you get lost along the way, I hate you.

My Interests

The Edmonton Oilers, Stalking, Writing, Writing about stalking the Edmonton Oilers, Not Working Hard, Making fun of people, Getting made fun of, Taking pictures of myself in the mirror with no shirt on, Ridding the world of all Cottage Cheese....and the O.C., Staring directly at a solar eclipse, Embracing Blindness, Women who can stand me, Spandex, The ozone layer, Cricket, Not Being Gay, Milk, Pretending I'm a star and Deep conversations about grilled cheese

I'd like to meet:

I've got my heart set on meeting crappy emo bands, robot webcam whores, real-life webcam whores, whores in general, crappy authors, cocky bloggers, people with bad grammar, nigerian princes, guys without shirts, girls with too many shirts, people that take their picture in the mirror and Tom..............I heard this was the place.

Music:

The Format, The Audition, Melee, All Time Low, Andy McKee, The Almost, Person L, Hit The Lights, The Fold, Danger:Radio, MSTRKRFT, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, BEDlight for blueEYES, Head Automatica, Name Taken, Mae, Say Anything, Over It, Motion City Soundtrack, Nightmare Of You, Plus 44, Number One Gun, Down To Earth Approach, The Bravery, The Arcade Fire, The Hives, Death From Above 1979, Coheed And Cambria, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Millencolin, Less Than Jake, Midtown, Finch, Denver Harbor, From First To Last, Anberlin, The Academy Is..., Choke, Gym Class Heroes, Emanuel, Spitalfield, Decibully, Kane Hodder, Gatsbys American Dream, Thursday, Underoath, The Used, Cobra Starship, Goldfinger, The Higher, Letter Kills, The Scene Aesthetic, Waking Ashland, Acceptance, Socratic, Anadivine, Copeland, Jimmy Eat World, The Get Up Kids, Foo Fighters, Ima Robot, Thrice, Days Away, The Spill Canvas, Moneen, Bottom Line, Daphne Loves Derby, The Junior Varsity, Allister, Armor For Sleep, Jack's Mannequin, A Change of Pace, Powerspace, This Providence, Rufio, Funeral For A Friend, Boys Night Out, Joe Budden, Ludacris

Movies:

Old School, Die Hard 1-3, Office Space, Ace Ventura, Ghostbusters, National Lampoons Senior Trip, Fargo, The Emperors New Groove, Toy Story, Dodgeball, Swingers, Rounders, Happy Gilmore, Shaun Of The Dead, Pan's Labrynth, Tommy Boy, Saving Private Ryan, Children of Men, Black Hawk Down, The Running Man, Not Another Teen Movie, Eurotrip...and...Gangbang Grannies Vol 36...and Glad-He-Ate-Her

Television:

Futurama, Dirty Jobs, Intervention, Lost, Kenny Vs Spenny, Clone High, Stella, Family Guy, The Office, Reno 911, Duck Tales, How I Met Your Mother, Ghostbusters:The Series, Numb3rs, Entourage, Mythbusters, The Iron Chef, Arrested Development, Chapelles Show, The Simpsons

Books:

The Dark Tower I-VII, The Stand, Catch 22, Cell, Skinnybones, Lord of the Flies, Battle Royale, Old School Matt Christopher books, Any biography/autobiography.

Heroes:

The Canadian Tire Guy

My Blog

"Cmon Man, Become More Circular!" (Just Say "NO!" to Sphere Pressure)

Maybe it's just me, but I think blogging is fun. It's like, totally a place where I can be moderately racist, totally closed-minded....and photoshopping a third nipple onto Michaelangelo's David (or j...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 02:05:00 PST

Collision Tests For Dummies (Abridged Version)

Many words have been used to describe my mom.Like...."woman".And...."at Costco"And...."Number 46" (when waiting in line at the deli). One thing my mother certainly is, is thrifty.She's one of those pe...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Fri, 24 Aug 2007 07:58:00 PST

I Only Write Books About Graveyards and Graphs, They Have Plots By Default

I was thinking to myself today, whilst watching CNN, "God I hope this Presedential Election shit is over soon, it's all I see on TV. Where the fuck is Wolf Blitzer?".Then I actually found out when the...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Sun, 19 Aug 2007 12:19:00 PST

"I" Before "E", Especially After "Apple P" *With Replies*

Someone once told me to put my money where my mouth is....then the bus we were on went over a huge speedbump...and now I have to wait another 3 or 4 hours to get my quarters back. In th...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 08:15:00 PST

This Is Why I’m Hot: An Ode To The Sun

For anyone who doesn't know, I live in Alberta (that's in Canada for anybody who just joined Earth...Welcome!).We have like.......more oil than...Iraq (or the pores of a McDonalds employee).Because of...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Sat, 11 Aug 2007 11:19:00 PST

The Angry Mime-Pirates Held A Mute-iny

I fucking hate starting blogs because I'm boring.I've got to come up with some sort of way to distract you whilst I begin.I've got to plan something so infamously- WTF? So I was in my old hometown la...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:59:00 PST

"Drop It Like Its Hot": The Events Leading Up To The Invention Of The Oven Mitt

I know a person can find a lot of topics in my blog...like, grilled cheese sandwiches, early 1990's references that nobody gets, people I hate, BeeSaviour's and their drunken failure step-brothers...e...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 12:34:00 PST

I Might Not Be Able To Finish Sentences, But At Least I........

I was approached by a lady when I was walking down the street today.She said "I'm having a yard sale, check it out!".I was like, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested in buying your yard...I mean, it's got a...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:37:00 PST

Shaking Their Booty: Pirates With Parkinsons Do It Better

I don't get why myspace is trying to be facebook now, with their "moods" and status' and what not. A lot of people are going facebook exclusive...not me though, myspace still has its charm. I really o...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Thu, 19 Jul 2007 01:13:00 PST

The Go-Kartist Formerly Known As Vince

Who sings that song "Heatwave"?Probably some band from the 1730's or possibly another decade that isn't the 90's or the 2000's.I need that song to be playing right now as my theme music.I'm gonna look...
Posted by Matt-O-Matic on Sun, 15 Jul 2007 02:16:00 PST