Abe profile picture

Abe

I’m not waitin’, ‘cuz I’m no waiter.

About Me

Cortez learned that the Aztecs treated bees as a form of currency, and that the Aztecs demanded taxes levied upon their subjugated tribes to be paid in the form of live bees. One of Cortez's men, Hernando de Ovieda Valdez, reported that a rabbit could be purchased for four bees, a prostitute's services for ten, and a slave for 100. Having learned that in the new world money really did grow on trees, Cortez started to cultivate beehives.

My Interests

The brief period during which my younger brother had “frosted tips”, the period during which my brother (ages six through eight) carried a "Female Body Inspector" card in his wallet, abusing the "urgent" option when leaving voicemail, novelty ties, being a jerk, tall tales, unnecessary formalities, abandoning catchphrases, compulsive listmaking, prank calling my grandmother, joining the "twenty-seven club", the time Serge Pinsky cried on the roller coaster, one item lists, the time I e-mailed Rodney Dangerfield, the time I met Montel Williams, comic books, rock music

I'd like to meet:


By February, Joe was happy with his son's progress. Buster was a natural. Joe fed him old and new tricks, as well as peppery dialogue: Buster from the outset was no silent partner. He was immensely animated. Two sassy expressions - "Pos-it-ivley NO!" and "That's what makes me mad!" - would become famous catchphrases associated with their act.

Music:

Save for two days at Christmastime, I have not seen my copy of "Don't Stand Me Down" since September 22nd, 2006. I think about it often and I greatly look forward to our reunion.

Movies:

The Big Mouth, A Town Called Tempest, They All Laughed, Lemonade Joe

Television:

"...an' I ordered thuh big breffust!", the time John Lydon was on Judge Judy, that music video show that was hosted by a CGI Bill Clinton:

Books:

Pale Fire, The Universe And Other Fictions, Marvel Age Magazine

Heroes:

Al Columbia, Peter Bogdanovich, Kevin Rowland and the man who threw Pauline Kael's shoes out the window

My Blog

THE WORST NEW YORKER CARTOON OF ALL TIME?

THIS IS DISGUSTING!
Posted by Abe on Fri, 16 May 2008 11:52:00 PST

SEXY HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS

The other night, a good friend of mine was looking for Halloween costume ideas. I gave her a whopper of a disguise, but I don't think she is going to give this very sexy costume the commitment it requ...
Posted by Abe on Fri, 26 Oct 2007 08:08:00 PST

SEPERATED AT MIRTH: THE NICK CURTIN EDITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by Abe on Thu, 18 Oct 2007 03:26:00 PST

SEPERATED AT MIRTH?!?!

While I realize that this is Brody Railton's shtick, I felt that these were too good to keep to myself. The resemblance between these great actors and great directors is astonishing! Here are two of ...
Posted by Abe on Mon, 15 Oct 2007 02:22:00 PST

DUDES THAT CRY ON THE ROLLER COASTER

DUDES THAT CRY ON THE ROLLERCOASTER: 1.) Serge Pinsky
Posted by Abe on Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:33:00 PST

THE MOST DEPRESSING THING OF ALL TIME?

This has been haunting me all day: (From the letters page of Dennis the Menace No. 103, July 1969.) I just thought I would drop you a line to tell you of my deep apreciation and love for "Dennis". I ...
Posted by Abe on Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:28:00 PST

BOBBY BROWN ARRESTED AT ATTLEBORO HIGH SCHOOL

Bobby Brown busted at AHS BY STAFF AND WIRE REPORTSTuesday, February 27, 2007 12:13 PM EST ATTLEBORO - Acting on a tip, a private constable arrested singer Bobby Brown Sunday night as he showed up a...
Posted by Abe on Thu, 01 Mar 2007 10:21:00 PST

THE LEAST FUNNY THING OF ALL TIME?

Why did anybody ever enjoy that terrible Steve Martin "King Tut" sketch? That guy could be pretty funny when he wanted to be, but I'm hard pressed to see the appeal of that goony nonsense. Were people...
Posted by Abe on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 07:13:00 PST

R.I.P. BAM BAM BIGELOW

Scott "Bam Bam" Bigelow was found dead early Friday morning.  The cause of death is currently unknown. I am very sad to see him go. This guy had Bruce Springsteen themed moves, saved small ...
Posted by Abe on Mon, 22 Jan 2007 10:20:00 PST

THE FUNNIEST THING OF ALL TIME?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS9U6O849yg
Posted by Abe on Tue, 26 Dec 2006 11:19:00 PST