Tearing the future a new asshole. Also: antique crucifixes.
Me from the future...so I can hear firsthand about how Chinese Democracy united the galaxies and brought peaceful brotherhood to the warring nations of Spaceship Earth. I love you all. And of course a super shout out to my greatly respected brethren...the Dolphins. Soon we will understand each other...
My favorite music is the soundtrack in my head. But sadly for now, only I may hear the true glory that is Chinese Democracy...but soon...soon, so shall you.* (*= this is not a legally binding statement)
Movies are a bitch-ass waste of my valuable time...that is, of course, excepting the sublimely precious French comedies of Jacques Tati. That frog can fuckin direct my ass anytime. And yes, that's an invitation, Jacques.
Perfect Strangers, early ALF episodes (that final season is just too wack improbable for my tastes...you dig?), The Crocodile Hunter, Sledge Hammer, Men Behaving Badly...BUT NOT THAT FUCKING BEHIND THE MUSIC BULLSHIT. Those pussy ass motherfuckers are barkin up the wrong tree entirely. You want to talk about me? Well here I am, bitches. Bring it. I'll gleefully show you punks what a brutal asskicking really is. And that's the truth.
Dean Koontz, The Master And Margarita, Dianetics, I'm OK, You're OK...I don't read as much as I'd like to...what with being hard at work on THE MOST REVOLUTIONARY ROCK ALBUM OF ALL TIME!!!
Brian May...fuck, I don't know. Let's be honest. The only real hero in this charade is me. Numero Uno. What? Did you want me to say, "the fans"? Well, balls. Did "the fans spend six years in an underground system of tunnels-cum studio next to a straight stanky Tommy Stinson chokin back the gag reflex just so we could finish the oboe section on "Madagascar"? Did "the fans" have to cut the album back from a triple vinyl 43 track opus, to something that barely even sounds like the 'Democracy I originally envisioned? Man, this shit barely sounds like a Tenuous Chilean Puppet Regime now (which I briefly considered renaming the album...look for it as an EP title). It's a pathetic joke. Did "the fans" have to contend with those bitch-ass Polydor wankers leaving round the clock messages on my machine about all the money they're in the hole for, and how they "really hope the album rocks." What am I supposed to say to that? When it's done, its done, bitches. You wouldn't serve Fois Gras all smothered in Fritos and perversely underdone (and yeah, Kurt Fuckin Loder of MTV, you wanna ask me "when can we expect Chinese Democracy?" as I'm trying to leave the stage? My throat all closed up with post-VMA stress? Fuck you, Frankenstein. You were like 70 when Welcome To The Jungle came out, so maybe it's time to flee back to the castle and get your bolts tightened.) "The fans" did not deal with ANY of this stress so don't gimme this "the fans" bullshit. Me. All me