Ryan Reynolds - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Look For The Nines

I've always viewed life as a siren-song of flowering gratitude. If we're not giving back, we're giving up. In addition to holding the world land-speed record for sashay, I'm working on my ultimate goal of teaching sassy forms of walking to needy children in third world countries around the globe. Why lead a CHILD to basic nutrition when they can do it for themselves with sass and attitude? Because as a professional landmine hopscotch instructor, I think I know a thing or two about fancy footwork. On a more personal note, I'd like to encourage a healthy dialogue between us. That said, you may notice I have some difficunty spelling certain words, so if you see ANY grammatical errors, please feel free to devour the genitals of a syphilis-ridden panda. (I'm available for babysitting, catered religious fundraisers and outpatient neuro-surgeries)..[if !IE] ..[endif]

My Interests

Someday, I'd like to be a tiny cog in the wheel of a gigantic soul-dead internet groupthink, pulsating from a collective subconscious desire to further separate oneself from the vital connection of bittersweet humanity, vulnerability and tactile, face to face openminded dialogue by instead favoring pointless, ham-fisted shouting into an untamed and uncapped pipe of experimental ignorance which fosters only shamefully self-righteous and disturbingly bloated run-on sentences.

I'd like to meet:

Just behind me is a 29 year wake of Kegel Exercise and sensuous Clog Dancing. So I'd like to meet Tony Little and find some way to market that.

Music:

Mademoiselle Morissette, The Damnwells, Cold War Kids, The National, Mark McAdam, Sufjan Stevens, Gomez, Lou Reed, Sam Winch, The Weepies, Common, Pinback, Tom Waits, Beasties, Gary Jules, Nizlopi, PJ Harvey, Eels, Magnet, Deb Talan, The Finn Bros, Cary Brothers, Athlete, Aimee Mann, Ben Folds, Lightfromadeadstar, Rhett Miller, Mojave 3, "Livin' Thing" by Electric Light Orchestra is a highly underrated piece of music. Finally, while playing classical guitar with my feet may be off-putting to some - the accompanying visual, followed by years of therapy more than make up for it.

Movies:

Are like NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS : You don't know what they're all about until they're over.

Television:

Is pixels, light and electronics working together to form Larry King.

Books:

* A Confederacy of Dunces * Human Stain * Youth In Revolt * Guns, Germs and Steel * America, Fascism + God * The Dying Animal * Nine Stories * Conversations With God * The Monkeywrench Gang * Pop-up books * Lists of peoples interests * Lists of potential list topics * Lists of lists.

Heroes:

www.smokinjoecarnahan.com

My Blog

Q & A

I've received a lot of questions over the past many weeks. I thought I'd take a moment to answer some of them...Q: Do you like kittens?A: Of course I like kittens, silly!Q: Cremation. Am I for or agai...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 08:36:00 PST

STORM TRACKER: 2006 - THE EYE OF TERROR! CHRONICLES OF MITCH NUMBNUTS: WEATHERMAN

I may be alone here, but when I watch Mitch Numbnuts of "Action Weather News!" reporting live from a category 17 hurricane, I kind of hope he gets impaled by something horrifying like a fence post, a ...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Fri, 01 Sep 2006 04:09:00 PST

NINJA SENSITIVITY TRAINING

I guess my favorite thing about Ninjutsu training is wearing comfortable white linens from head to toe, and the seemingly endless supply of Ramin noodle. There comes a point in every young man's life...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Thu, 17 Aug 2006 09:57:00 PST

COMPETITIVE EATING

IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating) proudly recognizes my main man, Patrick Bertoletti, who set an Atlanta record for eating 33 hot dogs in record setting time. Mr. Bertoletti was f...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Mon, 26 Jun 2006 12:55:00 PST

LOTUS

I wasn't around during the Sung Dynasty. If I was, I'd be extremely Chinese. Furthermore, it would make me close to a thousand years old and I doubt my fetid death-husk would possess the requisite m...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Wed, 21 Jun 2006 02:06:00 PST

LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING

Because If you think about it, the worst is ALWAYS yet to come. Sometimes, I look to Country Singing Sensation Tim McGraw, who's inspirational song "Live Like You Were Dying" sends a clear message to...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Mon, 05 Jun 2006 01:08:00 PST

BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR HIGH SCHOOL LOVE

Initially, what my father thought was a painful kidney stone, would soon turn out to be yet another impossibly difficult birth. As a boy, I was terrified of the color "human" and spent most of my tim...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Tue, 30 May 2006 08:36:00 PST

CHAIN LETTERS

I love it when people send those chain e-mails that say something at the bottom like, "Now send this to 15 of your friends and loved ones or something bad will happpen to you." And it's entirely TRUE...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Sun, 28 May 2006 09:11:00 PST

DIONNE

As many of you know, Dionne Warwick is a brilliant singer/songwriter and dear, DEAR friend of mine. Recently, I confessed to her that for the past several weeks and change, I'd been performing her so...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Tue, 16 May 2006 09:56:00 PST

FOLLOW YOUR HEART

Everytime I speak at a public school I like to offer the children a piece of timeless advice that will help shape their futures in accordance with their highest vision. One of the unique things I like...
Posted by Ryan Reynolds on Tue, 09 May 2006 09:09:00 PST