I was raised on a healthy diet of parental neglect and MTV, with liberal doses of second-hand smoke, skateboarding injury, bong water, nintendo, and sitting too close to the television...so, with what i can only imagine is a copious amount of chromosomal damage, breeding stock i'm likely not. but i am a font of useless pop culture trivia with an exceptionally high alcohol tolerance, making me the ideal drankin' buddy. i am good for a night out on the town with occasional thought provoking and insightful banter. or i can just as easily try to look cute and sit in silent judgement. in my bedroom you will find: clothes long lost under the bed, a hockey stick, a battered nerf football, way WAY too many lesbian folk CDs, and a mattress that, fortunately, can't talk. i don't need my business being all 411ed around this damn town. i think "The scent of a woman" is a totally fucking wierd and kinda creepy title for an al pacino flick. i enjoy an exciting and lucrative career as a stunt double for Dakota Fanning. i think that every single jack johnson song sounds EXACTLY the same. i'd like to meet baby jessica or any baby who has fallen into a well...that would be cool. i don't get the whole "i'm wearing my baseball cap askew" fashion statement 'cause it makes me think the wearer's skull might be dented or crooked or somethin'. can someone please stop the polo shirts with the collars worn up gig? and more revolting,those skinny knit outdoor neck scarves worn indoors...yeah, i'm sure you're all chilly at Bar Marmont in your belly exposing t-shirt and low-slung jeans, thank-god for the long, threadbare polo scarf! now you're comfortably warm! the fuck?!i think BLAIR is sexy, but JO is way sexier.Favorite on-screen sex scene: "Bound." not any specific scene, the whole damn movie... and there WAS some HOT sexual tension between mr. drummond and his various housekeepers on "Different Strokes."The celebrities i've been told i resemble most: antonio sabbato jr. (wasn't he great on "But can they Sing?"...not.so.much) or john stamos when i skip the gym for a few weeks.The best or worst lie i've ever told: 1) I don't know how to smoke from a bong... 2) I have no idea where that dime bag came from.i am totally into inde-music, boarding, blades, hat-trick, disco, corona, industry, and useless pop-culture trivia. did i mention inde-music?!?
russell brand because i think he's HI-larious. Maura Tierney because i think she's HI-larious and i want to sleep with her. mostly, i'm just looking to kinda expand on my group of friends. basically i like hanging with smart, witty, handsome-mugged, studly good guys and wicked cool chicks who know the difference between looking beautiful and actually being beautiful. the people closest to me are dudes who don't hate who they are and know how to be strong in their own skin. have a good heart, a reasonably functioning brain, and rock the joint. it would be ideal if you were not a sociopath. and conversation skills are always a plus. *AND SERIOUSLY* i feel i must really REALLY emphasize the not-a-sociopath part (if you aren't sure, you likely are one). i have been getting far too many emails from crazy mother-fuckers with "super-hot webcams" (not interested), a lot of bible people all out to convert me (again, totally not interested. born once, just thrilled with the end result), people trying to sell some shit, and some just generally wierd fucking profiles. i'm not trying to be a total dick, i love edgy, original thinkers, people who are risk takers, take-no-prisoner ass shakers and general hotties...but if you've got some webcam and your boyfriend left you penniless in Vegas two weeks after moving out there and your super-fine webcam booty is paying the bills, i ain't buying...and you're probably crazy. my mailbox has been deluged with that tearjerker at least once a day. also, i'm nearly certain that i'm not gonna have a whole lot in common with any random 14-year-old, so if you are one of the many under-18-year-olds with a private profile who's been trying to friend me, it ain't gonna happen. it's not that i think the Kid's not smart... it just seems kind of pervy.
fiercely into sleater-kinney, ani difranco, matt nathanson, franz ferdinand, damian rice, modest mouse, juanes, holly figueroa o'reilly, the gossip, bonde do role, artic monkeys, sinead o'connor, concrete blonde, sara bareilles (but i know i'm gonna fuckin' start hating her "Love Song" that they brutally abuse as the "men in trees" theme), ari hest, christopher jak, emm gryner, aimee mann, ellis, afghan whigs, my chemical romance, greg dulli, robbie williams, alex lloyd, peter searcy, eric himan, graham colton, garbage, johnette napolitano, Panic! at the disco, PJ harvey, holly brook, jann arden, maria mckee, scott thomas, third eye blind, my morning jacket, skin, pretty girls make graves, texas, scissor sisters, jon mclaughlin, bratmobile, the killers, augustana, the bangs, lloyd cole, tim finn, melissa ferrick, lesbians on ecstasy (big fuckin' surprise there), gavin degraw, filter, bikini kill, sons and daughters, tegan and sara, peaches, the thrills, the bangs, and, uh...heart. AND any tragic 80's new wave. img src="http://images.deepbox.com/media/funny/91.gif"
"layer cake" "serenity" "lock, stock, and two smoking barrels" "the bourne ultimatum" "eastern promises" and "mystery, alaska" all kick quite a lot of butt. "the descent" and "dog soldiers" scare the hell out of me. "kissing jessica stein" "lisa picard is famous" "mean girls" and "bringing up baby" make me laugh my ass off. "high art" "suddenly naked" "the trip" "yossi and jagger" "juno" "dopamine" "P.S." and the film short "dare" are the best rip-your-heart-out and cry like a bitch love stories (which i will publicly deny any knowledge of watching) and "sixteen candles" is just the BALLS.
virtually everything on HGTV and National Geographic. ESPN ONLY during hockey season. "law and order: SVU" "ER" because A)it is still one of the best acted shows on television B)i'm totally in love with maura tierney. seriously.in.love. C)i was in med school...i have certain fucking loyalties. i'm addicted to "robot chicken" on adult swim, "MXC" on Spike is Hi-larious, "mad men" "burn notice" "south park" "samantha who?" "strangers with candy" "nip tuck" "campus ladies" "weeds" "la femme nikita" "scrubs" and "kath and kim." i stupid love "ugly betty" and "the L-word," which is seriously one of the best shows on the tube. to work with talent like lisa cholodenko, rose troche, and gwen turner would be fucking amazing. i will lock myself into my house and watch "felicity" for hours, but only in private, so keep that shit quiet. i've developed this horrible fascination with "the real world/road rules challenge" and it sucks and i may put my own eyes out if i can't stop watching it. i cannot miss an episode of the new "battlestar galatica" on the sci-fi channel, but if confronted with that admission i would also plead the 5th. and even though it's kind of a chick flick, i used to love "grey's anatomy" which totally blows this season. it's both not funny and gay, which is a deadly combination for a TV show. lazy, lazy fucking writing. damn, now i've started watching "smallville" so i'm offically an R-tard...and now i've stopped watching "smallville" 'cause it truly sucks this season, too. yea for stupid!!
reading books is hard! "are you there god, it's me margaret?" is currently on my nightstand because i love teenage-first-menstruation memoirs. not. the bitter, chunky pre-teen girl in me likes "blubber" and i enjoy the "nancy drew mystery series" because i fancy myself a teenage sleuth with girl-on-girl tendencies. a puzzling caper, for instance? "who drank all of MY beer and left chips on the floor???" oh, wait...it was me. see? case solved. next. aight......my true literary hard-on is REALLY "Dry". and i love "possible side effects" for obvious personal reasons. "flesh and blood" "the year of ice" "naked" and "white teeth" are bloody brilliant.
ani difranco is one of the few who is not influenced by labels...she creates true beauty. arianna huffington is a fucking genius and should be president. all of you girls and boyz who continue to show compassion to strangers, all of you brave fuckers who choose to go on living and fight the good fight, even in this current climate of aggression and distrust. And seann william scott, but he is kinda not so much a hero as he is a total man-crush...argh, how gay.