Angel Star™

What I think:
I am the First Morning Star...daughter from a long line of great people i guess. My mother told me that my name comes from my grandmother, who likened me as the hope of a brighter day on the horizon. The first morning star is the brightest star that lingers after the long night...still greeting the first of the day...thats me.
I still come from a broken history, one i can't recall very well. i live every day with memory books and reminders of where to go next. if i don't have those, then gosh, i am really lost. Lately, i think with grace...since my mind is healing...i am starting to recall things i have forgotten over time...memories that return are both good and not so good...its up to them if they want to hang around.
i remember standing outside the bus stop on my first day of school. i remember the sun shining in my face, as my mother took pictures of me. i remember being proud of my brown penny loafers that i wore with side zippers that held my lucky copper coin. in my dreams i remember that house where everything started...the house i stood in front of while i waited for my short yellow bus to show up.
i have other memories too, bad ones that i try to forget...but their images are only burned in my mind. they do not fade willingly. leaving me more worn, more broken...a little harder. i hope i don't lose my heart entirely. i have this huge gaping hole in my mind where my childhood was...until i turned 19. and then day to day living is an event in itself.
Despite all, i do celebrate life...i am more in love with the beauty of living.
my life is almost the brink of insanity itself.
existing in the now, within the realm of the living moment.
This site is to remind me of everything i find beautiful...to remind myself of who i am...well anyway, the stuff i find interesting...and to collect my memories as they return. maybe if i reread it enough, it will be burned into my mind.
i cherish...
Laughter with anyone, the looks i get when i walk in a room full of strangers, hugs from long lost friends, the return of a good memory, the feeling when hope returns, the excitement of new adventures, spontaneity, the kaleidoscope of people around me, admiring anything beautiful, the brightness of the sun after the rain,
dancing in the rain, dancing in the snow, drinking hot chocolate after a cold morning, meeting beautiful people, crunching on ice cubes anytime...i think i like the sound of it, running barefoot through the wet grass in the morning, or just being barefoot anytime, playing on the swings with my son, making people laugh, the scent of freshly washed hair, or sniffing the detergent aisles at the grocery store, the unexpected kiss of a little one, being embraced by new love, and in the shiny times when swimming in my birthday suit, like feeling the wind across on my face, the cold of the rain against my skin, driving in my car with no particular destination,
watching the stars late at night, the smell of the ocean on a perfect day, throwing leaves around in the fall, making snow angels in the winter, lemon drops and cherry clans, and with the gentle touch of loved ones near me.
All these are faint impressions in my mind, that i hope one day to hold on for good.