Marc Yelloz - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I went to Yeshiva for 14 years and all I got was this lousy knowledge of Jewish theology. I'm a French National and an American Citizen so that way I only have to have to pay for half of my health care. The Blue Man Group scares the crap out of me and I hate them. Someday my leather jacket will be in the Smithsonian next to Fonzie's jacket. I think it's really funny when people say they have the "most random taste in music" because what they don't realize is that their taste in music isn't random at all; all the music they listen to shares one common attribute: it's shitty. I finally figured out what the Shift key on my keyboard is for. When I was an English major, I used to want to be an English professor just so I could teach a class at a university about why Charles Dickens sucked so much ass. I really like going drinking at the Ron Burgundy Room. I laugh at my own jokes because they're funnier than your jokes. I've never owned a trucker hat. I know how to fix most things. I can make a gourmet meal out of damn near anything. I own a bowling pin salvaged from the Hollywood Star Lanes on the closing night and autographed by the owner. I have a blue robe with my name embroidered on it. I own a tuxedo. I have a big black leather chair that I like to sit in. I like to say things that make people uncomfortable (like the back seat of a Volkswagen). I am the best driver in the world. I drive very fast and play my music as loud as I can and sing even louder (usually very badly). I can do fancy Zippo tricks. I wish I was as hot as you think you are. I don't have any tattoos, so obviously, I'm not as cool as you are. Obscure literary quotes on your MySpace profile make you seem like a pretentious asshole.
Sean Connery rules.

My Interests

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

I'd like to meet:

Tommy Lasorda in the 80s.

It has been said that I'm a gentle man but never a gentleman.

Here's my AIM name: MARCisaROCKSTAR

Music:

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Movies:

I need to update this.

Television:

I really need to update this.

Books:

The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.

Heroes:

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is my all-around hero, Jason Lee in Mallrats because he's got about a million things to say but he can't express himself monosyllabically enough for you to understand them all, Sean Connery because he's hairy and fat and balding and bitches still love him (just like me), my dead Grandma who was a Partisan Fighter in the Warsaw underground and killed Nazis, my dead Great-Grandfather who I'm named after that was an arms smuggler helping to facilitate Israel's independenceand both of my parents for doing the best parenting job I've ever even heard of.

My Blog

The Divine Flame.

So I've noticed quite a few people posting bulletins including pictures of the fires and requests for people to PRAY TO GOD to stop the fires. Now I don't necessarily believe or disbelieve in somethin...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:24:00 PST

My latest addition to the Urban Dictionary.

bargle |--bärgul|verb [ intrans. ]a portmanteau of the words 'ball' and 'gargle' meaning to gargle someone's balls.noun1. an act or instance or the sound of bargling : an unzip and bargle of sweaty nu...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:42:00 PST

Life is tough.

So my boss hires this new British dude to help with production. Weird middle-aged dude. Button down khaki kind of guy. Anyhow, whenever he needs something from me, it's invariably trivial - like he ne...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:37:00 PST

SPOILER ALERT: Bible

I didn't make it, but I sure wish I had.
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:36:00 PST

Wii-tards.

I love video games, I really do. I remember when I was seven and my awesome parents got me an NES (though at the time I was mighty pissed R.O.B., or Robotic Operating Buddy, wasn't included, but I did...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:16:00 PST

My crappy new office.

We hired two new people so until our new office is ready, Zach and I were moved to the main house.Man, this sucks...*Update: Those little remotes on the table are for the jacuzzi. FYI....
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Sat, 30 Jun 2007 04:41:00 PST

World to China: What the fuck?

Seems like everything China produces is made almost entirely of murder." They now produce even more CO2 than the US" Their bridges are falling down" They build cars that literally crumple like a soda ...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Fri, 22 Jun 2007 12:06:00 PST

People in government buildings smell bad.

If you haven't been to court in a while, allow me to refresh your memory.The lobby is always very clean. The fat black woman always wants you to empty your pockets and turn around. You're the only lit...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:25:00 PST

This is how hateful my life is right now...

Mental note: stop going out and getting completely shitty drunk on weeknights.
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 11:12:00 PST

Why I don't write blogs anymore...

Nothing interesting or cool or terrible ever happens to me anymore. I also don't really care about anything having to do with politics. It's gotten to the point where things just happen and no individ...
Posted by Marc Yelloz on Mon, 14 May 2007 02:55:00 PST