Dick Stanke's Blogosphere - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Everyone at school calls me a fag and a nerd, but mom says I'm smart and funny so that should count for something. I like to set buildings on fire and I have size 14 feet. I also enjoy celebrity cannibalism and Wal-Mart.

My Interests

Advanced molecular biology and band.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to make some real connections here. At school, I'm an outcast, so I'm hoping people online will treat me with respect and not throw books at me like the jocks do when they're bored, or post on bearshare that video the cheerleaders took in the school showers. I really thought they were hot for me.

Please note that Dick is not currently accepting any invitations to subscribe to your blog. I currently have over 400 subscriptions and have a difficult time reading all of these. It's nothing personal, but I just can't accept any more at this time. I hope you understand.

WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY FRIEND REQUESTS?
I KILLED A CAT TODAY
SIZE 14 SHOES!
CAIN, NEGROES AND THE MARK OF GOD
MET MY DAD FOR 1ST TIME AT THE RESTSTOP RESTROOM
IN HONOR OF MLK DAY, I'M GETTING A NAPPY PERM!!!
MOM GOT STUCK IN A PORTA-POTTY...AGAIN
BANNED FROM BAR MITZVAHS @ TEMPLE BETH SHIKZAH
DONG, ZOG & LOT'S LONELY DAUGHTERS
MAKING WOODCHIPPER CHICKEN SLURRY @ $10 AN HOUR
THE ECSTASY OF SPECIAL NEEDS BABYSITTING
RAZORS, REDEMPTION & THE KEHANE CHAI KIDS CLUB
WHITE ARYAN LINEDANCING
NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR EMO ANGST
NIGHT TIME, RIGHT TIME, DICK TIME
OF MICE & MANILOW: COULD IT BE MAGIC?
MORMON MISSIONARY POSITION, PART I
MORMON MISSIONARY POSITION, PART II
HOMECOMING RACE RIOT, PART I
HOMECOMING RACE RIOT, PART II
47 QUESTIONS WITH DICK
WHIMSICAL WEEKEND AT WAL-MART
A DEATH IN VENICE BEACH
DEAR DICK: PART I
LAKE MORMONAKA: CALM BEFORE THE STORM (PART I)
LAKE MORMONAKA: GIFT FOR THE DARKNESS (PART II)
LAKE MORMONAKA: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN (PART III)
LETTERS FROM DICK: PART I

Music:

I play the trombone, but I'm totally into disco, the Carpenters and anything Air Supply because I really love the classics! I prefer negro music when mom beats me with a broken car antenna.

Movies:

The Left Behind series and Home Alone 3.

Television:

I don't watch television. It rots the brain.

Books:

The Book of Mormon, of course!

Heroes:

Joseph Smith and Steve Young

My Blog

ODE TO NEIGHBOR JOE

I have an asshole neighbor. His parents named him Joe. I've put up with him long enough And now it's time to go. He doesn't like my flowers. He doesn't like my trees. He hates their fragrant petals. H...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Wed, 13 Feb 2008 02:59:00 PST

BANNED FROM BAR MITZVAH’S AT TEMPLE BETH SHIKZA

I should have known something was wrong when Dieter knocked on the front door of our double-wide late last night. At that hour, he usually entered through my bedroom window. I invited him inside for s...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Wed, 13 Feb 2008 06:37:00 PST

TOILET FAMILY REUNION

I've been rewriting my older stories as of late, and posting them to my new site. Today I'm retelling the story of Dick's reunion with his Dad that took place at a rest stop restroom. It's...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:23:00 PST

DECATUR 6 RAPE VICTIM SENTENCED TO 200 LASHES

(DECATUR) A court in the ultra-conservative city of Decatur, Alabama, is punishing a female victim of gang rape with 200 lashes and six months in jail, a newspaper reported on Thursday. The 19-...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Thu, 15 Nov 2007 01:24:00 PST

THE KATIE COURIC DILEMMA

On the bus ride home from school, all I could think about was whether Katie Couric was better off kidnapped by interplanetary space aliens or Islamic terrorists. I always felt debased by my attr...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Tue, 13 Nov 2007 07:23:00 PST

KIRK CAMERONS 8 SIMPLE RULES FOR RAPING MY DAUGHTER

(Dick Stanke's Blogosphere is honored to welcome Kirk Cameron, former star of Growing Pains and Listen to Me, as a guest columnist.) A few years back, my career was in the toilet. Previously,...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:26:00 PST

R.I.P. DANA CARVEY

Police, coroner's investigators and gay activists are calling the death of actor Dana Carvey who fell into a wood chipper while feeding the machine branches at his Malibu home on Saturday an unfor...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:30:00 PST

DICK GENESIS

In the beginning the Lord our Dog created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Dog said, Let there be lig...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Fri, 09 Nov 2007 10:08:00 PST

DEAR DICK . . . FOR KIDS!!!

(Dick is currently away on his family honeymoon. In his place as guest columnist is former Virginia Tech undergraduate student, Cho Seung-Hui.)Dear Dick,I am a twelve year old boy. My dad ...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Sat, 28 Apr 2007 01:59:00 PST

HONEYMOON WITH DICK

As luck would have it, Brother Saul was not only the father of my girlfriend, but also the sibling of my mother. It was explained to me in minimal detail en route to the honeymoon suite at Fontu...
Posted by Dick Stanke's Blogosphere on Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:21:00 PST