Swiss Army Wife [ThroughWithYou!]

01Some days I don’t really even feel like myself... I feel kind of, what’s the word...meshy. I feel like there’s somebody out there controlling my motion. I feel like there’s somebody out there who makes my decisions for me... This niggling feeling that somehow this is all just a big game. And this got me to thinking... Let’s just imagine that there really is somebody out there pushing my buttons... Let’s just imagine that there really is somebody out there making me jump... and shoot... and kill... and run. And then let’s also imagine that it’s not maybe just one solitary person pushing my buttons... Maybe there are millions of people all working to control me... Maybe there are millions of people all working to make me do these things that a girl just has to do. And well... If that were true then just think... They wouldn’t be controlling me at all...
...I’d be controlling them.
02Sometimes I get to wondering about how repetitive life can be... Every day we repeat the same motions over and over and over again- eating a plate of beans, driving a snowmobile, combating Yetis and so on. Every day, its kick kick kick kick kick. Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot. I think that once we’ve done something long enough, we become experts- and we can effortlessly repeat even the largest of tasks, whether it’s tying our shoelaces, or locating ancient treasures. But when the days over, we sleep and we have to wake up the next day and repeat the whole cycle. And we live the same actions over and over and over again. And this sort of disturbs me. What does that say about my life? That I’m always repeating the same activities every day, again and again and again? It reminds me of a psychiatric patient I once read about. His memory was only about five minutes long. You could meat him and he would introduce himself and you might perhaps discuss the weather- or chat about a Labrador puppy standing nearby- and then five minutes later he’d say, “Hello, then- what’s your name? Lovely weather we’re having today. Ooh, look at the doggie!” He was continually erasing himself. I wondered what I’d feel like if I were this chap- always getting to a certain point and then suddenly going back to start again- how sad. And it would be extra sad because I wouldn’t even be aware of what I was losing. But then I thought, no. It wouldn’t be sad at all. Because other people would look at me and try to put themselves in my shoes and they would be trying to live my life for me. And it wouldn’t be only my memory they were constructing inside their heads. No, they’d also be constructing my feelings- my sense of right and wrong, my sense of beauty, my reverence of things ancient and my love of adventure. They would, in fact, be creating and multiplying my very essence- my soul, as it were- within themselves. And then I got to thinking that if enough people were doing this, then I would have effectively become as much a part of all these people as though I’d donated them a heart or a kidney. And therefore, even if I were to die or somehow not even be a real person, I would always be real - more real than real: hyper real- because my essence had expanded itself so hugely. And this would make me something strange indeed... something eternal.
03I think about when I was younger and in school and of how cool and remote I thought I was then. I felt so sophisticated knowing that Mr. Ayres (or whatever his last name was) had a mad pash for my sister. Or that the principal tried to stop human nature by banning gossiping at lunch time. Fools. Now I’m older and I look back at that and think of how young and silly I was. But I have to slap myself and say, Samm, if you were so young and dumb then, chance are that in the future you’re going to consider today’s Samm equally thick. And its true It’s as though I pass through life working even harder and harder, diving and fighting and shooting and racing, and just when I think I’m doing okay, then wham! I have to go through some huge new ordeal and shed a piece of me that came before- moving further and further upward and onward- to some new level. I once thought that this process ended some day and that I’d one day be complete, but no. You know what? It never ends. There’s always going to be a new and higher level.
04I think that we people are kind of lazy and arrogant when it comes to the future. In the past century we’ve gotten used to having other people draw pictures of what the future’s supposed to look like- people like car makers and architects and Daddy and his stuffy club friends. And we’d look at the pictures they’d hand us and we’d say, “Well, right then- no point in working too hard, because the future’s going to look like tail fins and space hotels and food that comes in pills.” But think about this: even a hundred years ago, people rarely ever thought about the future, and if they did, it wasn’t too hard and it wasn’t too clearly. It’s really a peculiarity of modern life that the future exists as something to control and modify and anticipate and plan. And here we are, bingo, right around the year 2000, and suddenly we’ve run out of pictures and were acting like this is a big crisis point. Which it isn’t. We’ve never been able to know the future. It isn’t knowable. It never will be. And we were silly gits to think it was ever possible. Me, I love archaeology. I believe we need to look at the past in order to help build whatever comes next. But the funny thing is, the past can only help us so much now. I think we’ve gone too far. The future is vast and unknowable- and that’s how it should be and always was. Yes, we’re going to need the past, sure, but were going to need fresh new ideas: because there are always going to be newer levels to go to, new situations to explore and the only thing that will get us through this curiosity, patience, skill, and the determination and will to go out and kick and fight and dive and shoot and win.
Tah, Darling.
xox,
-Samm ♥
Disclaimer: This profile was basically stolen from a book called "Lara's Book". However, I feel that it accurately describes anything I'd ever want to say in an "About Me" profile.

Anarchism

Communism

Republican

Socialist

Democrat

Green

Fascism

Nazi