WARNING: dont read any further just scroll down to the botttom of the page and click on the 'report inappropriate content' button because this shit is OUT OF CONTROL!!
hey yo i was gonna upload pics of myself but then see, it had this warning saying no nudity, violence or illegalness so bang goes that idea plus i dont think the interweb is ready for my ginger saucinessand yeah Rupert Murdoch bought myspace and i hear he's a bit of a pervert so i wrote a message for him to get off on:
hi rupert?
you wanna play?
i play naughty yeah!
whats that youve got there then?
either that's a gun in your trousers or your pleased to see me
shit- that is a gun in your trousers
okay okay please mr murdoch i promise i will buy the Sun everyday just please dont shoot
okay i'll get sky+
right right i'll get bskyb
or whatever the fuck its called.
i dont want a satellite dish though it contrasts too badly with my brickwork!
alright then rupe i get one just put the gun down your all ready a multi billionare one more person wont make any difference.
i have a wife and kids- shoot them instead!
fuck it i dont want to live in a world where everything is owned by one man and that man has the dumbest fucking name on the planet....
shoot away bitch....
anyway my names jack and i reckon im a pretty liberal guy- especially when it comes to guns, drugs and sexual deviancy (ask your dad) i have just come, blinking and astounded into the world of myspace like a new born puppy dog and looking for someone take me under their wing, teach me the ways of the world and to suckle on... okay i think i stretched the whole puppy metaphor just a wee bit too far there.
hey hey hey i was going to feature in a three-hour-long special of 'what not to wear' only problem was trinny and sussanah looked at me and were sick all over the place- its okay i get used to it. i just thought up an idea to make cat walk models skinnier why stop at size zero guys, what are you? pussies? i wont rest until i see abi titmuss in size minus 23so thin that shes almost 2 dimensional anyway my idea is take a vacuum cleaner cut a hole in your skin stick the nozzle in and suck out all the fat simple ay? right seeya im off down the patents office im gonna be rich baby!!
A standard myspace conversation:
person1:
hi hows u?
person2:
i am cool (dying slowy inside but we wont talk about that) wot hav u bin upta?
person1:
not much wot r u doin ATM?
person2:
i am on myspace ATM (something which is pretty self evident from the fact that your sitting typing on a keyboard shit-for-brains)
person2:
i like your profile its...good (orginality knows no bounds fuckwit)
person1:
yeah its good...urs is good 2 lol (lol thats laugh out loud, right? well i'm not laughing im tearing my motherfucking hair out say something interesting for fuck sake)
person2:
WTF mine is gay OMG (person2 is obviously too busy being a prick to bother to type out full words) person1: hey u no wot ive just realised that theres a whole world out there other than the 1 wot goes around me.
Jesus I’ve just been looking at someones myspace pictures do you think it signifies something bad when you have no one to hold the camera for you, and so have to have it at arms length? See myspacers have no real friends and hence have no one to hold the camera for them plus they have such bad Repetitive Strain Injury from typing so much they can hardly hold the fucking thing at all.
Fuck this I’m signing on to Bebo.
you know who the myspace generation are because they're so crippled in the hands they can barely raise a wank.
somone needs to invent a lighter camera and fast and keyboards which dont wreck your hands or in 50 years time most of us wont be able to wipe our own asses without mechanical assistance.
sorry for stating the obvious guys but we live in the technology age and is it too much to hope that you might be able to use the self timer button on a poxy digital camera in fact fuck it invite me over and i'll take all the wierd-angled pictures you want i did photography at AS as well Some guy was going on about how he found the pope’s myspace- no shit blad I found the devils myspace, his profile song was metallica and I left him a comment saying that he’d see you soon.
In the real world if you don’t like someone you start a fight with them, on myspace you call them an emo and delete them from your top eight- even from your friends list if your feeling particularly vindictive
It appears I haven’t got too many friends in the myspace world so ive come up with a scheme to remedy this dilemma im going to write a check to the thousandth person who adds me for a million pounds (im serious here) so add add add in fact now I look it appears my best friend in the whole world is some cunt called tom who I don’t even know even though he is a rather dashing young man ho ho in fact now I think of it I would quite like to touch him only I cant he has a restraining order against me after I threw bags of dog shit at his window in California I tried writing a letter to him but I don’t know his last name no wait it’s myspace isn’t it?
Yeah I guess its time to do some survey or questionnaire which is full of trivial questions and means I can try and fool myself for one minute into thinking that anyone gives a fuck whether I prefer coke or pepsi
Do I piss you off? do you want a fight? well mail me and we’ll meet up and sort it out like men I’m busy tomorrow though I’ve got to go to court- charged with 34 counts of Grievious Bodily Harm and 1 count of Actual Bodily Harm (I had a migraine that day) yo an emo asked me round her house to play noughts and crosses on her arm with a knife- i won yippee
