writing, reading, oil pastels, hemidemisemiquavers, semi-colons, synchronized anarchy, xanax, daisies and daffodils, rocks, philanthropy, beards, things that have blueberries inside, scary movies, bleach, quincunxes, skulls, white russians, dangling participles, puffy couches, purple onions, yoga, slurpees, hair removal, veggie burgers, floccinaucinihilipilification, clamato juice, CType2G6.
Testimonials:
“Char-broiled is the best fake friend I ever had.â€
“Once you get a little Char-broiled, the rest of your friends will seem inferior.â€
“Since beginning my relationship with Char-broiled, my skin looks better, I’m thinner, and I have a pronounced sense of well-being.â€
“Char-broiled does not suck in ways other people suck.â€
“Now that Char-broiled is in my life, I can start living again.â€
“Char-broiled has increased my band’s fan base by 20% in only two weeks!â€
“Because of Char-broiled, I don’t have to take anti-depressants or performance enhancing prescription drugs any longer.â€
“When my friends first told me about Char-broiled, I was skeptical. But after just four days on the Char-broiled plan, every aspect of my life has improved. I’m making more money, I can get any babe I want, and the best part is that it’s absolutely free, with no strings attached.â€
“What are you waiting for?†(That’s what SHE said.)
I'd like to meet:
Other writers, readers, artists, marginalized misunderstood myopic malapert musicians (but only good ones). People like that. No hearts and flowers people who go on and on about how blessed they are. That's just weird.
The sooner you become my friend and take your seat, the sooner I can start handing out Yodels. And if you don't know what Yodels are, you're not getting one.
Music:
The Beatles, Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Frank Zappa, alone and with the Mothers of invention (don't ever say anything bad about Zappa, and I even like the instrumental albums with the synclavier. Synclaviers rule!), Stevie Ray Vaughan (I can feel that guitar in my pants), Steve Miller Band (Steve Miller is a fuckin genius, and if you disagree, then you can't be my friend anymore. I'll "Jungle Love" your ass), Bright Eyes, Oasis (just that one album), Nirvana, the Pixies, Sonic Youth, ACDC, Def Lepperd, Carol King, Carly Simon, Chicago, Depeche Mode, the Vaselines, Spoon, Fork, Cat Stevens, Blood Sweat and Tears, Billy Joel, Van Morrison, Guess Who, Harry Nillson, Beck, Jeff Beck, Violent Femmes, Duran Duran, The Cars, The Zombies, Beethoven, Bach, The Killers, Dave Matthews, Leon Redbone, Lou Reed, INXS (pre-masturbational suicide), Daniel Johnston, Tom Petty, Grand Funk Railroad, Foo Fighters (sometimes), Badfinger, The Clash, Boomtown Rats, Joe Jackson, Radiohead, Fountains of Wayne, Harry Chapin, Jim Croce, NRBQ, Garbage, Hole, The Flaming Lips, Yes (yes!), Elvis Costello (the REAL King), Radiohead, the Kinks, Mike Nesmith, Jerry and the Pacemakers, Jon Brion, Sufjan Stevens, Rale Micic, The Violent Femmes, The Muffs, Screaming Yellow Pussies, MMW, MSMW, John Scofield, ELO, Getz/Gilberto, Eminem (the first years), Bucky Pizzarelli and his son John, Vince Guaraldi, Charlie Parker, Angelo Badalamenti, anything with a vibraphone, California Guitar Trio, Wes Montgomery, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, The Wonders (yeah, I know they're not real), Paul Simon, James Taylor, Bob Dylan, and Neil Young.
Movies:
Mulholland Drive, Blue Velvet, Eraserhead, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, Lost Highway, Inland Empire (Lynch, basically), Napoleon Dynamite, The Exorcist, The River's Edge, The Razor's Edge, Short Cuts, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, The Jerk, The Lonely Guy, Donnie Darko, Glengarry Glenross, The Graduate, Raging Bull, The Godfather II, American Beauty, Airplane!, Kurt and Courtney, The Suicide Club, The Ring, Derrida, Fargo, 21 Grams, Reds, Pecker, Loser, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Cube, Pi, Terminator 2, Ghost World, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Office Space, This is Spinal Tap, Johnny Dangerously, Swingers, Made, Happy Endings, Head, 200 Motels, 200 Cigarettes, The Maltese Falcon, Goodfellas, Reds, The Effects of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds, Splendor in the Grass, Class of '44, Modern Romance and any other Albert Brooks film, any Fellini film, The Matrix, I Heart Huckabees, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Closer, Memento, The School of Rock, Mean Girls, The Usual Suspects, Annie Hall, the 40-year old Virgin, Little Miss Sunshine, Art School Confidential, The Last American Virgin (has anyone else even seen this movie?), The Young Poisoner's Handbook, American Splendor, The Devil and Daniel Johnston, Election, Detroit Rock City, Showgirls, That Thing You Do!, Friday the 13th part 2, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original), Rob Zombie films, Notes on a Scandal, Rushmore, Little Children, Juno, Stranger than Fiction.
Television:
The Office, Flight of the Conchords, The Sarah Silverman Show.
Books:
White Noise, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Ulysses, Finnegan's Wake (so basically James Joyce), Notes From the Underground, The Idiot, Crime and Punishment, Discipline and Punish, The SCUM Manifesto, Reflections of Gender and Science, On Desire, King Dork, The Bell Jar, Molloy (and anything else by Beckett), Being and Nothingness, Being and Time, Maus, The Corrections, Middlesex, House of Leaves, The War Between the Tates, Being Dead, I Know This Much is True, One Hundred Years of Solitude, American Pastoral, Frankenstein, To Kill a Mockingbird, Sophie's Choice, The Secret History, The Little Friend, Blindness, Caucasia, Blankets, Deliverance, A Short History of a Small Place, Black Box, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Identity, Waiting for the Barbarians, Jimmy Corrigan, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Gravity's Rainbow, The Stranger, Ghost World, Guerillas, The Shipping News, Catch 22, The New York Trilogy, Lolita, Despair, Nausea, No Exit, Journey to the West (Monkey), How I Became Stupid, The Subject Steve, My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up, For Fuck's Sake, Edward Albee plays, Arthur Miller plays, Anything by Kafka, The Catcher in the Rye, Simulacra and Simulation, anything by Tennessee Williams, Sylvia Plath poetry, Spanking the Maid, If Men Could Talk, most works by Charles Bukowski, Treblinka, The Iceman Cometh, Elmer Rice: 3 Plays, The Street, Brooklyn Follies (Paul Auster is awesome.), Shop Girl, The Areas of My Expertise, anything on theory or philosophy.
If you want to know what the swanky people are reading, check out my wish list on amazon.com. And buy me a book.
Heroes:
I love these guys so much...I just wanna smash them.
Sasquatch moved to Canada in 2006, in case you were wondering.
