THE DOG LIKES:
Chasing pussies, running after frisbees and tennis balls, laying about on the sofa and being petted, belly rubs, tummy blows, play spankies, eating, sleeping, walkies, chew toys, shoes, socks, riding in cars with my head hanging out the window, playing in water.
THE DOG DOESN'T LIKE:
Worms, real spankies, being left alone, being muzzled, being crated or caged, the dustman's truck, sirens, Star Trek, melamine in my food, being dressed up in stupid outfits (I mean -- strooth! -- I have a sense of style), hard rubber or plastic toys, that bag the postman carries.
Oh, I don't know - you? I am a dog, so I don't mind hanging with bitches. Sometimes I like running with other dawgs too, though.
Oh, Little Red Riding Hood...don't listen to what your Granny says about me.
I miss the Cat.
I HATE TO, BUT I HAVE TO ADDRESS THESE THINGS:
If you feel the need to send more than one bulletin a day, expect that I will ignore all your pontifications and relentless demands for attention. If you don't care enough to take the time to deal with things personally, or to contact your "friends" individually, don't expect me to care about any of it. *growl, growl*
And if you regularly run the whole board with bulletins, become excessively demanding with messages and nasty when you aren't given copious attention, and you aren't nice to - or worse: if you harrass - my other friends, I shall send you a flaming bag of doggie doo: that's a warning you're about to be deleted. I've been in this neighbourhood before, mates, and I've had to deal with some troublemakers.
Just ask the arse amongst my neighbours in London if I won't do it.
Now then, let's have some fun, shall we?
Dog Hard, Wiggly Down Under, An Arfully Big Adventure, Raspurintintin, Dog Harbour, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Bone, Ruff Actually.
Snarly's People, The Barkchester Chronicles, Victoria Woof. Oh, and Animal Planet.
But I suggest you spend the evenings in more interesting pursuits, as too much sitting in front of a small screen ruins your eyes (even I wear glasses, you remember) and scrambles your brains. For instance, you could go out to the theatre...
ALAN RICKMAN
Send Frisbees
and Chew-Toys