My name is Beard Bates....yes, that is my real name....beard was my grandmother's maiden name...I was told that in a past life I was: A Brave Viking
That I lived in: Alaska
And that I died of: Suicide
I'm too sick of myself to talk about myself; thus, I will tell the story of myself, for......."Once In a land where time rolled over and molded into the face of the sea, and where the sea rolled over and molded into the face of light, and where light rolled over and tickled the bottom of God's two very large feet, it was here on the beach of non-existence that Beard first fell into being. And with his gaze cast above the arbor of twinkling souls, that which spanned the void under which God lanquished and lounged with all his Ho's, it was there in that nether region, the point upon which he focused, that Beard saw a floating sprite. And this sprite was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen; and of course it had to be, for this sprite was essentially the first thing Beard had ever seen, be it that his eyes had so recently been opened. Beard said to the Sprite, "Hello there Sprite what is your name?" But the twinkling little sprite just giggled and continued fluttering mid-air all before beginning to sing, not a song but rain. Now you may ask "How can one sing rain?," but you should also ask "How is time able to be rolled over and molded into the face of the sea?" and if you realize that both of these peculiar events are equally unreasonable and impossible, you will conversely realize the innate "possibility" and veracity of such an act in the world in which Beard first appeared. Now the sprite came closer, and batted her eyelashes before Beard's very eyes, whispered a tune unlike any ever created on Earth, and drew with her pink tears upon Beard's soft baby face. The outline of the shape the Sprite drew, well, it began to glow, and from the light that the shape emitted, well, God was unable to see his TV and thus commented, "Turn that light off!" But Beard could not turn it off, and the Sprite quickly disappeared. Then God stood up, pushed his Ho's aside and into this very universe, that in which we all now exist, threw baby Beard.....and with such vigor that into a lady's stomach did he slip.....and from there everything just becomes boring and run of the mill.
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REALLY OLD NEWS:I'm a music-producer, musician, writer, painter, and anti-philospher.............................................
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NEWS FROM 'BEYOND':
**** Check out my music if you like: on ITUNES look for "Beard Bates" and "JilFlirter"....also check out my newest Cosmic-Funk Project "J.J. DeVille" at (www.jjdeville.com) and (www.myspace.com/jjdeville)....Then there's my production company (www.ubiquitome.com) and my aesthetic organization (www.ubiquitome.org), where you can read some of my rantings and view paintings, cartoons...encounter lots of stuff.......................what a salesman I am..............................but if you just want to be a friend, that's fine...........(though I'm new to these things called "friends," be it that I've spent years in various closets).
This profile was edited with Rev. J.J. DeVille's Majestic Pimpeditor V333333333.2
