I am a college student! Well, truthfully, I've had to take a little break from all that knowledge and concentration for a while. I got sick with a stupid chronic illness that has wreaked havoc on life. Bummer though; right as I got close to finishing up, BOOM! I got sick and it took a while to figure it out and how to live with it. So, I acquired Epstein Barr syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and Chronic Fatigue. Having these illnesses can make for some hard days. However, I'm very fortunate~ I don't have problems like loneliness or serious mental illnesses, or homelessness. It can be seen and treated
After many excersions in the education arena, I finally settled on music. It should have been my first choice. The magic of music is what gets me up in the morning... College, in my case, isn't something I'm pursuing toward a field of work or career move, but it's something that must be recognized in my heart while I am here on earth. It's impractical, but beautiful. How wonderful it is to take this journey at this time in my life.
School is really challenging without extra physical problems, so the plan is to go back this coming January! It has kept, and continually keeps me, spiritually young. The desire to learn and the passion I have for music and the Arts continues to grow. There's so much I don't know! There's so much more I want to learn about and wonder sometimes if that feeling will ever end.
I have a beautiful 23-old-daughter who has no idea how beautiful she is. Holly emanates vibrancy, courage, and artistic talent! I really wanted a little girl and wanted her to be loving and caring. She is all of those things.
God blessed me with Holly. She's all I've ever wanted. She and I have some very different ideas about life; however, we are very close. regardless of those differences. I describe myself as being "a lesbian in love with a man"...it sounds strange, but I do get to the point here in a minute. My daughter, thankfully, has no ambiguity about her sexuality. Thank goodness. It's easier for people who understand who you are without having to explain it.
The Butterfly Story
When my Holly was 5 years old, she found a dead butterfly on the street in San Francisco. She picked it up very gently and started to cry. I asked her why she was crying. She asked, "Was her mother with her when she died"? She was so worried, so she took that little butterfly home and buried her in the yard. People have actually laughed at that. But I have never forgotten how tender she was at such a young age, worrying about that little butterfly dying alone. I hope she never loses that compassion. I just love the magic of children.
•·.·´¯`·.·•Høllÿ÷s Ârtwørk•·.·´¯`·.·•
I am very happily married to a fantastic man , but if I hadn't fallen in love with his heart and spirit, I'd most likely be with a woman. It's something I've felt ever since I was 10 years old. Women are all beautiful to me, no matter what the image might be.
Sexuality has been a struggle throughout life, and I was with women exclusively for a while, but ended up with a very scary and unhealthy relationship. Being stalked by ANYONE is bad, but I never even thought I'd be afraid of a woman. The relationship was something that still causes grief, even after so many years. Men certainly the only gender that cause harm. Abuse can happen with any combination. God came into my life at that time and gave me the courage to get away from that person and that horrible situation.
For many years, I called myself a born again Christian, but discovered a terrible loneliness that came with that experience. No matter what church I attended, there was always an underlying feeling of hypocrisy and judgment upon those who are different. They called it "sin." Everything was called "sin." I had trouble condemning people because of their differences and distinctly remember walking into a Baptist church and left that church with such a feeling of loss and loneliness. The minister was talking about homosexuals being an abomonation. He stated that AIDS was brought here to kill off all the homosexuals. That day began my struggle. I knew that minister was not teaching out of love for God. He had an agenda.
Jesus would ever spread a plague to kill off his own children. Oh yes, believe in Jesus, but not most of what the Bible teaches simply because I believe it's been manipulated to keep people in line. I don't think it's the word of God. I couldn't understand why He is always so precious, tender, merciful, and loving, His followers were, in so many ways, opposite. I can see Jesus cherishing Mother Earth. I can feel him loving gay people. I can see him talking to trees and feeling that the wind and the rain are all part of Nature's kinship to human beings. The Goddess is so beautiful with all that she provides for us. Jesus is my representative of God and Mother Earth is my representative of Goddess.
I love learning and discovering the true nature of Wicca. We believe that loving Mother Earth as the Goddess is a very Holy thing to feel. The pull is becoming stronger. Why do so many of us not embrace different ideas? I think it's important to really learn about these alternate ways of walking on earth with nature and God. Maybe it's not supposed to all be put into a nice tidy little box. The idea of witchcraft, Wicca, being evil has become laughable to me. I was once just as ignorant and afraid of Wicca. I thought it was similar to Satanism. Boy, I was wrong! There is nothing evil in the Craft. The only evil would be evil people taking a beautiful, and ancient religion and perverting it.
Having the choice to be with a man or a woman is a blessing, and I have chosen my husband, but many people are not accepted or loved because of their sexuality due to society or religious convictions. I believe that Jesus loves me. He loves all of us. The only difference is that some have come to trust in Him. Others haven't yet, or may never. But there's no forcing faith on people. I think they need to be searching first. Loving and being forgiving shows what God is about. It has nothing to do with how often one goes to church; nothing explains Him better than love.
As human beings, we all have something in common. We all have strong feelings about certain issues in life, or, at least, I hope so. In this world, I see that there is so much cruelty and violence. Cruelty to animals, children, old people, anyone is just wrong. There's no excuse for it! Being unkind to someone because you don't like them isn't a good excuse. Violence; domestic, global. None of it makes sense. I guess I cry a lot. Seeing animals tied up on a chain all day and no one petting them brings me to tears. Why have them if they are going to be forgotten or if they get in the way?
Sometimes I'm a mess! Certain images are so disturbing that I feel like "why bother?" "There's too much to fix," and then I remember that God gives us compassion and strength so that we might fight those things. If our apathy becomes too much a part of us, then we become desensitized by those very images that are supposed to move us to change the world and make it better.
Once in a while, we come upon someone with deep passions and heart wrenching pain to change to world to make it better. I love this picture of my new friend, David Rat. He's an amazing man with more compassion and kindness in his spirit than most of us will see in our lifetime! Thank you, David, for letting me post this beautiful picture of you. You are my true inspiration.
My friend, David, has this beautiful picture of a homeless man and his dog on his profile. I must give him credit for this. It really moves me to tears. There's an obvious bonding and these two are all alone in the world except for one thing; they have each other. We are supposed to love our animals. They were put here to be our companions, not to be used for greed, needless experimentation, fighting, and abandonment. I wish more people could understand human compassion and total devotion our animals show for us.
Young or old, we are all fragile as human beings. But without love, we become even more so. Even a smile to someone unsuspecting, especially an old person, can bring back the light in their eyes, if only for a moment.
I believe in living life like it's Not everlasting; once the moment is gone, it can't be repeated; I want people to feel like they're very special, and embrace my time on earth by becoming better at appreciating all God has given me, not worse because I'm growing older. Our time here is what helps us to become wiser. It's time to look at people, their lack of perfection (especially my own), and say, "You are beautiful with all your humanness!" It makes me feel sad when I think that once people lose their youth, more often than not, they become invisible to the rest of society. If we look a little longer, we may find wisdom.
It's so great to meet people who are vulnerable, able to feel, to cry, to allow others in..well, it's all painful, but it is part of life. I think when we can accept ourselves and move through the self doubt, self hatred, being mad at our mothers or fathers, our upbringing, maybe we can be happy. Could it be that simple?
I never want to become angry or cynical and forget what it really means to be alive. It's about learning as a constant process and never forgetting about our humanity; and for me, God will always be the most important teacher.