Conan the Barbarian - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am from Cimmeria. I only have a 3rd grade education. I love to wield my huge battleaxe and crush skulls! I love sqeezing the entrails out of my victims. I love to scrog good looking wenches with my 12 inch phallus!Since usurping the throne of Aquilonia from my friend the former king (who I had to assassinate in order to convince him to abdicate), my primary concern has been in the daily maintenance of the most powerful nation on the Hyborian continent. Many wars are still left to be fought and many neighboring nations remain to be subdued!

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My Interests

Crushing skulls, leading armies, killing people, scrogging wenches, getting drunk on mead

I'd like to meet:

good looking civilized wenches (who secretly love a 12 inch phallus)! I love "having consensual sex" with wenches from the hyborian city states. Barbarian wenches just dont do it for me anymore. My phallus is flacid just thinking of those boring barbarian wenches from back in Cimmeria.

Music:

Barbarian music, Death March of Crom

Movies:

Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer. I love watching movies about myself.

Books:

How to kill all of your enemies in 30 days, Crom wants everyone Dead, Wielding a Battleaxe for Dummies

Heroes:

Crom

My Blog

...The Pictland Campaign concludes!

THE FOLLOWING IS A QUICK SYNOPSIS OF THE ENSUING BATTLE (SANS DIALOG). FOR A VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF THE EVENTS THAT OCCURRED, WATCH THE VIDEO document&183;After two days of travel, all ten cohorts f...
Posted by Conan the Barbarian on Fri, 23 May 2008 09:06:00 PST

The Pictland Expedition begins...

At early daybreak, King Conan and his small retinue left Fort Tuscelan and headed into the forest west of the Pictish border. Late the prior evening, small tactical groups of soldiers from Alpha cohor...
Posted by Conan the Barbarian on Fri, 23 May 2008 05:12:00 PST

Impending Invasion of the Pictish Wilderness

We have been holed up here at Fort Tuscelan planning the incursion into the Pictish Wilderness. My commanders have been engaged in a tactical analysis of the area based on recent reports from our spie...
Posted by Conan the Barbarian on Mon, 19 May 2008 04:59:00 PST