I was born Alowicious Pumpernickle, Arthur Fonzerrelly, Delicious Jones the 3rd.Having spent an entire night floating along the banks of the river Trent, I was picked up by a Large Hairy being, who I later proclaimed 'Father'.He taught me in the way of 'Ringing the Bell' and hiding in the shadows, awwww hahahahaha how we laughed, as we frolicked naked in the rafters of the cathedral - wearing Nothing but a smile, but the love warmed me more than my Real Silver back Gorilla fur Jacket.Father only allowed 1 book to be kept in the tower, he said it was all I ever needed to know, it was called 'Plumbers like it WET', and featured pictures of plumbers handling their nuts (and bolts) and light hearted stories about Unblocking pipes - and non lubricated entry' - this book became my bible.I wasn't a sad child - I may have been Ugly, Smelly Abused and Sad - BUT I WASN'T A GAY!!!.Anyway, one day Father left to go out, he said he wouldn't be long, he was just popping out for some 'Brass Cleaner'. I paid no mind, Father was always rubbing his bell end, trying to make it shiny, HA HA sometimes we would sit for hours, rubbing it together, how I loved our time bonding!!.A couple hours passed.........Father had not returned, from the stained glass window, it appeared that the village was having a carnival of some sort, hundreds of torches were lit and marching in unison through the streets. I could hear them chanting'SPILL THE BEANS, SPILL THE BEANS'.But as they got closer and closer, the chanting became clearer...'FILL THE LEAK, FILL THE LEAK'.My kind hearted nature jumped into action, if anyone could help them fill their leak, it was me.I grabbed my utility belt and with my in depth knowledge on plumbing waited patiently for the villagers to arrive.Suddenly the chanting stopped.One of the villagers began to speak'NO LONGER SHALL WE LIVE IN FEAR'.NO LONGER SHALL 'HE' CONFINE US TO OUR HOUSES'.'NO LONGER - BECAUSE TONIGHT.......HE DIIEESS!!!.I peered down, what I saw, shocked me to my core, I couldn't believe it, my whole world seemed to stop.I couldn't believe my toenail was that long!!!.But from the corner of my eye, I glanced, to my utter disbelief, the villagers had Father strung up, armed with Forks and spoons, they began tearing him apart, his screams would haunt me forever.With my Fathers mutilated body adorning the tower doors, and blood stained welcome mat - I grabbed my Cloak, my utility belt and 'Plumbers like it wet' book, and disappeared into the night.I could hear the joyous cheering from the villagers, as I looked around one more time to see the only place I'd ever known, my heart turned cold.I vanished into the night breeze, just as quickly as I'd entered it.Vowing only to return to
AVENGE HIS DEATH!!!.And so it began, the life of a Humpback.Create or get your
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