Mike

Mike Nelson's Rifftrax ....Hello Everyone. I'm Mike Nelson and welcome to the Satellite of Love. You're probably wondering how I have the internet, being in another universe and all. No matter. How I got here is a long story. I'll try to sum it up for you.It all started with Joel Robinson, a janitor at Gizmonics Institute. Apparantly, Dr. Clayton Forrester didn't like him and poor Joel was sent into space aboard the Satellite of Love to have a warped set of experiments performed on him. Joel would be forced to watch the most horrible movies ever made while Dr. Forrester and his assistant Frank would monitor his mind from the comfort of their lab, Deep 13. Joel made some robots to keep him company- Tom Servo, Crow, Gypsy and Cambot. Tom and Crow would accompany him in the theater while Gypsy ran the ship and Cambot continued his job of filming everything. Then one day, Dr. Forrester and Frank hired a temp, Me. Personally, I didn't think I was too bad at cleaning the place up, But Dr. Forrester and Frank had plans to get rid me, but unknown to them, they were transmitting their plans to the SOL. Gypsy was there listening and since the "jumpsuited fellow" was not indentified, Gypsy assumed they meant they were going to kill Joel! Gypsy tried to get help from Tom and Crow, but they were too busy goofing off to listen to what was going on. So, Gypsy felt she had to act quickly, because Dr. Forrester said that after the movie ("Mitchell") the "jumpsuited fellow" would be history! Gypsy managed to contact Me down in Deep 13 and I agreed to help her out. I let her know there was an escape pod in a crate marked "Hamdingers" and transfered clearance to it over to her. When the movie ended, Joel was thrown into the escape pod and headed back to Earth. He landed safely in the Australian Outback. Frank was the first to find this out, and was quite scared to tell Dr. Forrester the news. Once he did, Dr. Forrester was furious and Frank asked him if there was anyone they could get to replace Joel. Dr. Forrester replied something to the effect of, "And just who can we find now?" Enter Me, waiting for my time sheet to be signed and Dr. Forrester signs it. He then laughs and says something like, "You know Mike, I think you're going to be working for me for quite some time now." So, they knock me out, then shoot me up into space to join Tom, Crow, Gypsy and Cambot on the Satellite of Love. Dr. Forrester and Frank continued the experiments on Me and so things went until one day, Frank was taken away by Torgo the White to Second Bananna Heaven. Dr. Forrester meets up with his mom, Pearl, and the two of them continue experimenting on Me. Oddly enough, the Satellite of Love reaches the edge of the universe and once it does, the robots and I change into pure engery and float off into space. Meanwhile, Dr. Forrester became a space baby...go fig. Then one day, Tom and Gypsy and I return to the Satellite of Love to find Crow already there. He was somewhat different (his voice wasn't the same) and he and the Nanites rebuilt the place. The bots' and I contacted Earth, but found it inhabited by apes! We first met Professor Bobo who sent us a movie due to the law of the land. Then the apes revealed who they answer to, 'The Lawgiver' who turns out to be none other than Pearl Forrester! Pearl continues the experiments of her son Clayton from the new alternate Earth. I wanted some sort of distraction created to try to get away and the Nanites gave me one all right- they blew up the planet! Pearl and Bobo managed to escape just in time and chase the Satellite of Love about the universe in their van-like ship. One day, the chase brought Pearl's ship and the Satellite of Love to the planet of the Observers, highly intelligent beings who have advanced mind powers. They carry their brains around in jars though... The Observers wanted to dissect Bobo, and Pearl begged for a distraction. The Nanites gave one and blew up the planet! Pearl, Bobo and one Observer (whom they dub "Brain Guy") escaped and the three vowed to continue to make us suffer. The chase ended when the Satellite of Love and Pearl's ship were pulled through a wormhole and ended up back at present day Earth. Pearl found Castle Forrester, her ancestors' home, and she, Bobo and Brain Guy decided to stay there. And of course, they continue sending us movies from there. Much to our dismay.